Song: “Champagne High” Sister Hazel

ALONE

~I wasn’t looking for a lifetime with you~

197 A.C.
It was cold as Heero made his way home. Home these days was a one room apartment that was so empty the ex-Wing pilot escaped it every chance he got, even if that meant overtime at the factory that made out his check. The wars were over and he should have been enjoying himself and living large, but that was hard to do without Duo around to drag him to clubs and parties.

Thinking of Duo hurt so much as the memories of sleepless nights and regrets floated to the front of his mind.

~And I never thought it would hurt just to hear “I do” and “I do”~

196 A.C.
The feel of rumpled linens and bare skin surrounded Heero as he lay watching Duo’s chest rise and fall. The two had just finished a passion filled night and now his longhaired beauty lay on top of him like a fallen angel.

Duo gracefully lifted up on one elbow, looking down with those intense violet eyes of his.

“I love you.” He said softly.

~And I do a number on myself~

Duo had uttered that phrase so many times, but Heero had never returned it. Tonight, though, those eyes screamed for an answer, even the way the American had said it sounded like a question. A question Heero couldn’t answer.

Sure, he cared about Duo, but love was one step further than his well-guarded emotions allowed. Why couldn’t his lover see that and let the subject lay unspoken?

~And all that I thought to be~

Those eyes continued to gaze, patiently waiting for an answer.

The Wing pilot took a deep breath. Despite being more than his emotions allowed, those three little words meant commitment and there was commitment in war except to the cause. What if he said what his lover was straining to hear, only to have one of them die in the next battle? He couldn’t reply, what Duo was asking was too much.

~And you’ll be the one, That just left me undone~

Heero continued to stare into those waiting eyes. They had dulled considerably with impatience and worry. He hated to see Duo hurting, but there was no way he would drop his defenses to say that phrase.

The beautiful boy shifted uneasily. After another silent moment he lowered himself and turned from Heero. The soft chestnut locks still fanned over Heero, but the Wing pilot felt that Duo turning from him was just as bad as if the boy had left him alone.

This was going to go against all of his standards and beliefs, but people said those words all the time without meaning a thing.

~By my own hesitation~

He took a deep breath and pulled the hair from Duo’s ear with a callused hand. He leaned forward and found that even in the dark he could see the gleaming tear tracks that ran down his beauty’s face.

“I-“ Heero nearly stopped. There were so many risks in saying those words, but a voice deep inside him said that hesitating a moment more would destroy the boy.

“I love you too.” He stammered, rejoicing and regretting saying a word.

~And for the million hours that we were, Well I’ll smile and remember it all~

Until that night he had never seen a person cry from happiness. His lover had been overjoyed and they had spent the rest of the night kissing and cuddling. No sex, no heated caresses, just Duo bursting with happiness and dreams and him giving a rare smile all the while.

~Then I’ll turn and go~

197 A.C.
Heero didn’t realize he had stopped until the street light above him flickered on. It brought him back to the reality that Duo was across the universe and his hands had become numb and red.

~While your story’s completed mine is a long way from done~

Shoving his hands in his pockets, the ex-Wing pilot began walking to the loneliness of his apartment, wondering what would have happened if he hadn’t opened his big mouth that night.

He reached his building and took the six flights of stairs to his empty apartment. If someone had told him that he’d miss hearing Duo’s loud mouth two years ago he would have shot them. Now as he sat in the loneliness and screaming silence his defenses began to crumble.

~Well I’m on a champagne high, Where will I be when I stop wondering why~

Why had they gone their separate ways? Heero knew he shouldn’t start thinking about it again, but he missed his lover. If he had done this or that or maybe nothing at all they could have still been together. Then that voice inside him, the one that had told him to say those words to Duo, reminded him that it was all his fault.

~On a champagne high, I’d toast to the future but that’d be a lie~

He, Heero Yuy, had told his beauty that it was over. When it had happened he had known why as clearly as he had seen the tears well in his lover’s eyes. But as time passed and regrets formed the reason had blurred into a million possibilities. There was no future for ‘them,’ and it was because of him.

~On a champagne high, high~

He closed his Purrsian eyes. Maybe sleep was all he needed, but then again, he knew that it wasn’t.

~Spring turned to summer, But then winter turned to mean~

197 A.C.
Duo absentmindedly played with the end of his braid. It was hard to focus on his assignments when his mind kept wandering to Heero and what he’d said. Quatre had tried to comfort him, babbling about moving on and ‘other people’. At first there had bee no ‘other people,’ and there still weren't. Other than that he’d have been damned for letting go that easily, it had taken too long to get the Perfect Soldier to love him.

~The distance seemed right~

Over the last two months or so he’d let go his strong hold on the dead relationship and started acting like himself again. It felt great to joke with the guys and kick ass as he put out fires with the Preventers. He’d even managed not to think about Heero all day, until he’d received the assignment in his hands.

The hastily typed pages reminded him of watching those delicate Japanese fingers glide over the keyboard of that damned laptop. The assignment itself seemed to be something Heero would have pulled off with ease, they would have pulled off. Thinking of his ex-lover brought back memories of that night and the way the tears had burned his cheeks.

~At the time it was best- to leave~

Earlier that year…
“I don’t need you!” Heero yelled for the fifth time that night before storming out the door.

Duo stood dumbstruck, not knowing whether to cry or kill something. It had started out almost playful, he was kidding about his lover cheating on him with that Relena bitch, and then it all blew up in his face. He could have chased his Perfect Soldier, but those words echoed through his soul.

“But what if I need you?” he whispered as the first tear of millions escaped him.

Duo knew he should leave now, let his lover calm down a bit. Picking up the shattered pieces of his heart he hoped it would all be over in the morning.

~And to leave behind, What I once thought was fine and so real- to me~

It wasn’t better that morning, nor the next. After a week of hoping Duo finally realized that it was over. Not over like when they had had small spats or when he could have sworn the Perfect Soldier had self destructed, but OVER, as in never to he again. Quatre had said admitting that was the first step to moving on, but Duo preferred to imagine that they were still drowning in their love.

He had kept that dillusion alive until Heero had left to work on Earth, saying good-bye with one of his heartless glares.

~And while I’m still gone, On the quest for my song~

He sighed heavily and closed the assignment.

‘You’re over him, remember?’ he reminded himself as he put the papers down and flopped onto his bed.

~I’m at your- celebration~

It was no use now, once he started to think about his Perfect Soldier it was a downward spiral. He pushed away all those bad memories to think about the good ones. They had moved slow at first, Duo had been so afraid that he’d chase away the inexperienced Heero if he wasn’t careful. That had quickly gone down the drain, making way for lusty nights. Even now he could remember that perfect body and his moving in pure passion.

~And for the million hours that we were, well I’ll smile and remember it all~

His mind shifted to the calmer parts of their failed relationship when he realized how aroused he was getting. With one delicate hand he reached into the drawer and pulled out a picture of the two of them. Quatre had told him to put it away somewhere until he was completely over his Perfect Soldier, but what did he know about breaking-up? Duo had also found that he kept it out of stubbornness, he had always been like that, especially when it came to losing people.

It had been taken at one of their safehouses. The day had been all too sunny for early March and it was warm enough to spend time outside without a bulky coat or the possibility of losing a finger to frostbite. All of them, even the recluse Wufei, had spent hours laughing and playing a game of Hide-And-Go-Seek (suggested by himself, of course). They had changed the rules so that it was every man for himself as they raced through the nearby woods.

Duo had found a place to hide, waiting for Heero to meander along. The Japanese pilot had snuck up behind him, but when he tried to pounce Duo had shot off like a bat out of Hell, Heero following in hot pursuit. They had reached the edge of the woods by the time the Perfect Soldier had overtaken him and knocked him to the ground, tumbling braid over heels. At the same time that perfect balance that Heero displayed gave out, resulting in a pile of limbs and hair.

“Are you two alright?” Quatre had yelled to them, rushing over to where they lay tangled.

The reply was a deep, throaty laugh from Heero that echoed off the trees. That was when the picture had been taken, freezing forever one of the few genuine expressions Heero had ever displayed.

~Then I’ll turn and go~

“Duo, for the last time,” Wufei asked impatiently.

He jumped and shoved the picture back into the drawer and looked up at Wufei. The Chinese man looked as if he had been standing there most of the time and had probably tried to get Duo’s attention a million times.

~While your story’s completed mine is a long way from done~

“What up, Wu?” he asked, putting on his smile.

Wufei gave him a look that told the American that he didn’t buy the mask one bit. “As I said before, do you want to go play a round of pool?”

‘The Wu-man’s asking ME to play a game of pool, is that out of character or what?’ Duo thought to himself. Then again the ex-gundam pilot had been nicer to him these past few weeks, in fact he hadn’t yelled his name in anger or called him Maxwell in at least a month.

“Is that a ‘no’?” Wufei asked impatiently. If the baka wasn’t going to answer soon he would just go play with Trowa.

Duo shook himself back to reality. “Sure man!” he exclaimed as he jumped up to follow Wufei to the rec room of the Preventer complex.

~Well I’m on a champagne high, Where will I be when I stop wondering why~

They walked silently through the halls, Duo shouting a greeting to a few of the passerby that he knew. He would have asked Wufei why the solitary dragon had asked Him to play pool, but that might have offended the Solitary Dragon, so Duo kept his mouth shut.

They finally reached the rec room and entered to find some of the others there.

“Hi Duo!” Noin greeted him as she sipped at her soda.

To her right Trowa nodded his greeting. It was hard for the American to believe that his Latin friend could’ve grown any taller, but after talking to Quatre recently and seeing the way those tight jeans rose just a bit too much over his shoes Duo guessed the guy really had added two inches to his already towering height.

~On a champagne high, I’d toast to the future but that’d be a lie~

Noin tossed him and Wufei sodas and raised hers in toasting fashion. “To the future!” she joked and finished the rest of her can off.

‘To the future, what future?’ Duo thought. There was no future for him without Heero. ‘You’re over him now, remember.’ He sighed and ran his finger over the top of his soda, not bothering to open it.

~On a champagne high, high~

He snapped back into focus as Wufei jabbed him with a pool stick.

“Gonna play?” the Solitary Dragon asked with a laugh.

Duo grabbed the stick and mentally noted to be careful around Wufei, just in case what ever he had was contagious.

~Your wagons been hitched to a star~

199 A.C.
‘Its great to be alive!’ Duo thought as he walked down the street. He had just been promoted again, the third time since he’d joined the Preventers, and was finally taking his paid vacation. So there he was, walking along a packed sidewalk as he made his way back to the hotel.

~Well now he’ll be your thing that’s new~

He reached the hotel and ran up the steps to room 214. In a bounding leap he landed on the sleeping Wufei. It took a record .5 seconds for the longhaired man to fly into the closest wall with his Dragon lover pinning him to it with the strength of a thousand dead warriors (not to mention one very pissed Chinese guy).

“Gottcha.” Duo said with a cheshire smile.

Wufei sighed and released the baka. “If you continue to wake me in that fashion I may actually kill you.” He lay back down on the bed and rubbed his temples. “And HQ called, you have to stop in at one of the parts factories and pick up some information.”

“Aww, why do I have to do it?” Dou whined as he sat down next to his lover.

“Because you’re the one who’s dressed.”

~Yeah what little I have you can borrow~

Heero hated his life, his job, and especially his wife. He had married Relena for some unknown reason, the most reoccurring one was that he had been so lonely even living with her whining was comforting. The whining had increased recently, with the discovery of their child to be.

Happiness was something he had little of and today’s schedule wasn’t helping him any. There were meetings and inspections at the factory plus someone from the Preventers was coming to pick up reports on the major technology developments. He hoped with his whole heart that it would be Duo. He had talked, or more written, to Trowa earlier and the Latin man had written back, confirming his hopes that Duo would possibly be the one to pick up the reports. He had also written that Wufei could be the one picking them up, seeing as the two were vacationing together there.

Duo with Wufei? At first the notion seemed preposterous, those two were complete opposites, and besides, Wufei had always hated their longhaired companion. As he thought about it Heero couldn’t help but admit that Duo and Wufei were just about as strange of a couple as the two of them had been. After that he felt betrayed. He had loved Dou even after he married that bitch and had been almost certain that the American would have felt the same way. Oh well, he might as well stop moping and be happy that he would possibly get to see his TRUE love.

~Cause I’m old and I’m blue~

Whoever was coming to get the reports was late, very late. Heero wanted to hand them to Duo personally, but that was hard to do when it was 10:30 and the first of the day’s meetings had started at 10:15.

He was about to leave when the door opened to reveal the same boy Heero had left behind two years ago.

Dou was dumbstruck at the sight of Heero. There was the guy who had torn him apart and left without a word. He would have punched him, he would have hugged him, but all he did was stare. His Perfect Soldier had aged considerably, they were supposed to be nineteen, not nearing thirty, as the lines on Heero’s face hinted.

Across the room Heero was just as stunned. His ex-lover’s hair had grown several inches, but he was otherwise unchanged since that the last day he had seen him. ‘At least visibly.’ The voice in his head told him.

“Mr. Yuy? They’re waiting for you down in the conference room.” His secretary called over the com system, interrupting their silence.

Heero snapped back to reality, nodded at Duo and handed him the reports as he walked out the door, heading the opposite way that he knew Duo would be leaving.

~Well I’m on a champagne high, Where will I be when I stop wondering why~

‘Why are you acting like this?’ The voice in his head chirped.

‘I have business to get to.’ He answered himself.

‘What would it hurt to watch?’ The voice asked as Heero neared the corner.

He stopped. What WOULD it hurt? He turned around and watched Duo. His braid still flicked behind him like a disoriented shadow and he still wore all black. His Duo hadn’t changed a bit. No, wrong, Wufei’s Duo hadn’t changed a bit.

~On a champagne high, I’d toast to the future but that’d be a lie~

‘He really does hate me, after all this time.’ Duo thought as he walked away from Heero. No use in worrying over it now, Wufei was waiting outside. That was who he loved now, the Perfect Soldier was just a bit of his past.

He stopped. What would it hurt to watch Heero, looking wasn’t against the rules.

~On a champagne high, Where will I be when I stop wondering why, On a champagne high, high~

He turned to see the Perfect Soldier, the one who had managed to make Duo love him and hate him in the same moment, staring right back.

They both stood staring like they had in the office. It was hard to tell how long they just stood there, but Duo swore that it was an eternity and a half. Neither of them moved and just took in the changes or the lack there of. Then Heero’s mouth moved slightly. Duo cocked his head to one side and squinted to see what the other was saying.

‘I’m sorry.’ Heero mouthed again, hoping this time Duo would understand. From the astonished look on the American’s face he guessed that the point had gotten across. Without looking back he turned and rounded the corner, leaving behind his beauty.

~So high, so high you left me undone~

Later…
“Heero! Are you listening?” Relena whined in that pitch that made him wince in pain.

“Hn.” He answered, turning to face her.

“I think I’ve found some good baby names.” She held up the baby name book that she had been reading through for the last week. “How about Nikita or Adrian? Heero, you’re not listening.”

She was right, he wasn’t. He was thinking more about Duo and how he hadn’t changed in any seen way. His ex-lover was still as radiant as ever, blinding the witch sitting next to him.

“What are you thinking about? Hard day at work?” she asked in the most soothing tone her voice could manage, laying her head on his shoulder.

“Tired.” He answered softly, hoping to dream of what he’d lost.

~So high, so high you left me undone~

“What’s wrong, koi?” Wufei whispered into Duo’s ear. He knew the reason, Heero had done something or said something to bother HIS lover.

“Nothin’. Just admiring the moon.” Duo answered, knowing it was a totally half-ass attempt to cover up the way he had been staring at nothing for the last hour.

Wufei sighed and stood up from the grass patch they had been sitting on. “Let’s go back to the room and get some sleep.”

Dou smiled mischievously. “You sure that’s all we’re gonna do?”

“Get up and we’ll see.”

Wufei took his hand and they walked back to the hotel silently. On the way Duo’s mind kept wandering to how much older Heero had seemed, and how lonely.

‘You’re over him, Duo.’ He reminded himself. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. He glanced over at Wufei, who was giving him a concerned look out of the corner of his eye. ‘But at least you’re not alone.’