AHHH!  What are you doing HERE?  Noooo! 
You've discovered the truth!  No one was ever supposed to know...
But as long as you're here, I might as well tell you the romantic story.
Owie
Me
Maybe the picture to the left doesn't look exactly like me.  (Hopefully, you don't know me and won't know the difference.  Regardless...)  Though this picture may appear to have my head choppily pasted and "blended into" a photo of what was formally Owen posing with Jewel, (using underdeveloped graphic design skills)  that's not the case.  This really is a picture of Owen and me.  My neck is just naturally twelve shades darker than my face, and my hair always looks so nappy.  I like to sit with my head at a painful angle, and always look this one-dimentional and pudgy.  So, don't even start any drama about me and him.  Not that you could recognize me anyways, because I would never... er... rarely wear my hair like that. It's true. Really.
Now that you know this much, you might as well know the rest.  You cared enough to come this far.  I have a major confession to make.  First of all, I pretended that I don't know Owen.  Now that the evidence above proves that to be false, I will tell you the real, sordid truth.  Owen and I have met many times.  And those meetings have resulted in several... well... I'll just say it.

     Owen and I have three love children together.

They are all I have from our beautiful unions, and below is a picture of them.
Lil' Owie
Owen, Jr.
Owen II
Compare Our Kids to Their Daddy
>  >  >
Lil' Owie inherited his fathers jawline, Owen, Jr. already has that cute little smirk down, and Owen II has the distinctive nose, and since that wasn't caused by genetics, we are all quite shocked.

By your silence, I am deducing that something is wrong.  Okay.  Fine.  You must not be as stupid as you...er... I mean, you are obviously not stupid.  So I suppose I need to confess something now.

Perhaps not all of the children that I say have been fathered by Owen are actually the fruit of his loins.  In fact... LIES!  LIES! All of it!  LIES! I don't really have three love children with Owen Wilson.  In fact, it's true that I've never met him.  Oh how this little injustice towards him has tormented me for the whole twenty seconds that you have been looking at this page!

I am truly sorry.  I couldn't help myself.

But you know... It doesn't have to be this way.  I mean, the kids. 
They could have been real kids.  Owen's and mine.  You never know what will happen in the future, right?  Hmm.  Something to think about, Owie.(***)

Anyways, enough of my sentimental gushes.
Now that you know the full truth, leave me to my daydreams.
(***) In no way am I seriously offering my body as a baby factory for any person, even Owen Wilson.  But I'm sure something could be arranged for him.   Just kidding.  But not really.  But sort of.  But... heh heh ;-)
If a picture is worth a thousand words, take a gander at this.  If you see it written, it must be true.  Owen and I, my friend, are in love.  With each other.