ENGLISH

English werds are funny werds, there not spelt like there sed,
Like thort or bort or nort or cort, or ort or tort or ded;
They can be most confewsing, and to lern them wun must try,
But to those of us hoo no them, they are eezy to get by.

Thay make spelling very hard to lern, as orl of us must do,
But we must no werds like shood and wood, and cood and others too;
And writing them's not eezy, just try these on for sighs,
Hoo and throo and croo and floo and bloo just take the prize.

So if you're reeding sumthing, and it duzzent seem just rite,
Put up with English spelling, don't be unduly trite;
Just see if yew can marster these few extra werds just heer,
Ruff and tuff enuff and coff, and strait and fite and cleer.

I pheel a little phoolish,
When writing words like this;
When spelling all those "F" words, 
Such as phluphphy and phrog and phish.

I suppose you think it phunny,
But phollowing the rules, 
Was pfortuitously taught,
In all the phinest schools.

You pheel sad phor your phriends,
Iph they pheel a little sick;
And you phall phoul oph the law,
Iph you play a dirty trick.

And words you use like phrightphul,
Are phairly hard to say;
And phuneral and phantasy,
Phurther phollow in the phray.

But let me tell you phellows,
If you pheel phine every day,
You won't need phlaming 'F' words,
To make you pheel okay.

Some people's names are so hard to spell,
As one learned scholar new only too well;
"Your name is Peach", he was once heard to say,
Then please tell me how you would spell it, pray".

"P-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,"
The man told the scholar whilst chuckling with glee;
"Then tell me please, if it troubles you not"'
How do you then spell Apricot."

I C U 8 1
4 I 8 1 2
if U & I 8 1
U & I 8 2

Phreddy phixes phences,
Phrequently phor phriends;
Pholk phind phriendly Phreddy,
Phully phortuitously phriendly.

Psexy psmiling psally,
Psets psunny psocial pscenes;
Pshedding psurly pshadows,
Pso pshe pstands psupreme.

Wretired wretrograde Wrod,
Writes wrediculous wrhymes;
Wreceives wregular wraves,
Wrequiring wredoubtable wrendition.

While Whild Whillie,
Whooed whonderful Whendy;
Whomen where whistful,
Wharily whaiting wheddings.

I wunse met u  man, 
Hoo thort that he cood spel;
Hoo thort that he cood tork,
Verri verri well.

He thort that he woz brite,
As clever as can bee;
And this heer way to rite
Woz best four yew and mee.

He yused too teech at skool,
Thu kids orl thort it grate;
He rote too lots ov peeple,
In eech and evri stait.

He eeven stood fore parlament
Too win thu lowkal seet;
But woznt voeted in,
And that seems just and meet

His furst ideer woz grate,
And sownded reelie kool;
 But simplee woodnt wosh,
In orl but sillie skool.

Soe fownetik speling shood,
Nevu sownd its nel;
Thu prezent sistem yiused,
Werks veri veri wel.