I’m not fat or overweight,
I’m abdominally well endowed;
And I’m certainly inconspicuous,
I don’t ‘stand out’ in a crowd.

My avoirdupois although generous,
Does not cause people to stare;
And let me tell you all right here,
It cost a fortune to put it there.

My arms and legs are thin enough,
You should see me dressed in shorts;
I most certainly don’t rate a second glance,
Like all those ‘beach bum’ sorts.

So although I may be pear shaped,
You can see just what I’ve got;
And let me tell you all right now,
Boy, I’ve got a bloody lot.

After careful consideration,
I have come to the conclusion,
That I really am a handsome bloke,
Not an optical illusion.

For, looking like I do,
I’m really not ‘the pits’,
So just remember all of you,
‘What you sees, is what you gits.’