John Laws is a funny bloke,
He has strange tales to tell;
I heard this one this morning,
And laughed again like hell.

The owner of a motor bike
was doing some repairs;
When he revved the engine up,
As any owner dares.

Alas the brake was not held on,
And this then came to pass;
It took off through the picture window,
And sprayed the room with glass.

His wife came tearing into the room,
On hearing the great din;
And seeing him lying in the blood and glass,
She called the ambulance in.

When they took him away to the hospital,
She thought she would clean up the mess;
So she wheeled the bike back into the yard, 
Her husband to impress.

When she went back into the room,
Some petrol had spilled there too;
So she mopped it up with a paper towel, 
Which she then tossed into the loo.

When Hubby returned from the hospital,
Still feeling rather unwell;
He felt the need to use the loo,
And to have a little spell.

Whilst sitting there, he lit a smoke,
His shaking fit to ease;
And when he finished he dropped the butt,
Down between his knees.

The dunny went up like an atom bomb,
And blew him onto the floor;
Where he lay blackened and screaming,
His backside all scorched and sore.

His wife, upon hearing the terrible din,
Rang the ambulance once more;
And the same crew as before turned up,
To find him on the floor.

They loaded him onto the stretcher again,
And headed on down the stairs;
And whilst picking their way, most carefully,
Asked what had caused these affairs.

When his wife told them what had happened to him,
They thought it was a joke;
They laughed so hard that one of them tripped,
And they dropped the unfortunate bloke.

As the poor old patient rolled down the stairs,
And don't laugh here I beg;
To top off the worst day of his life,
He broke his bloody leg.