In Loving Memory of Alexander James Gann

In Loving Memory of
my little angel Alexander James Gann
Born to Heaven on May 27, 2004

When I found out I was pregnant with Alexander, I was so happy! I was still young and didn’t think anything would go wrong. I found out I was pregnant with Alexander in the beginning of December or so. I was so happy, I told my mother it was going to be a little boy, and she is so on to the 'it is a girl' thing it is crazy.

I had Alexander's sister Angel Ann Marie on March 25th 2003. I was young, only 17, when I became a mother, but it came naturally with all the babysitting and helping with my cousins and nephews.

Angel Ann Marie.

I had Alexander when I was only 18, it was the hardest day of my life. I didn’t find out something was wrong with my little angel Alexander until I was 5 months along. At first I didn’t feel him move a lot. I thought, well maybe he is different than his sister. It was then that I asked my new doctor if I could get an ultrasound, and she asked why. I told her because I didn’t feel the baby moving a lot. At the time I didn’t know what I was having but always thought and knew he was a little boy. She had an ultrasound scheduled the next day. I told my mother about how I wasn’t feeling him move a lot.
She said that happens sometimes, some babies are active and some are lazy.

The next afternoon I was at my appointment, and the doctor was checking, and they said they saw abnormal things and it looks like the baby was missing things. I was like, what are you talking about missing things? She said some of his organs. I said, no the baby is moving. So they sent me to Ogden Medical Center in Elmira, NY, like 30 mintues from my home. The doctor that saw me there said that he thought my baby had triplody but couldn’t tell unless they put a needle in my stomach so I let them. All the time he was checking, I was praying and hoping my baby was fine. That was the hardest time in my life besides the loss of my father at six years old and finding him dead. The doctor told me that my baby had only a pea size for a brain and fluid on his brain and only two heart chambers and fluid on his heart, also his spine was curved bad and he had a cleft lip. He told me that babies that have this are lucky if you carry them full term. I didn’t want to listen to him because he was rude and told me no miracle was going to save my baby, because I told him I had heard of a story where a woman was carrying a baby and the baby didn’t have any organs for it to live outside of the mother. And so they prayed and a couple weeks later they wetn back and the baby had what it need to live. So I told him if God wants my baby to live,
He would give me a miracle to have my baby.

If you look at this ultrasound picture, you can see my little Alexander's spine.

So I went to Gesiger Hospital - the best known hospital in Danville, PA - it was one and half hours from my home. I got another opinion, and this doctor told me the same thing but was much more nicer about it. I felt better. I found out a week later what my son's sex was, he was a little boy, and I broke down. I went out crying to my mother who was in the car waiting because she got upset because my doctor told me I should terminate my pregnancy. My mother said, my daughter isn’t killing my grandbaby. She didn’t understand. I was done fighting. My little boy was shutting my body down. My blood pressure was so high they thought I was going to have a stroke. Or my kidneys would shut down, and I was not going to the bathroom as much as I was supposed to so they didn’t think it was safe for me to carry him any further because my life
was at risk. So I thought and prayed and decided
I was going to have my son early.

My little Angel, Alexander James Gann, 8 oz and 8 inch long.

This is a beautiful and loving gift for Angel Alexander from my dear friend, Carol, mom to Angel Michael.

Well, I didn’t have to worry about them helping him come because I was already in labor the day they wanted to do it. I was so happy because God let my little boy die where he belongs, in his mommy's womb. But I was sad too because I didn’t hear him cry. I was five and half months when I gave birth to my son at Odgen Medical Center in Elmira, NY,
on May 27th 2004 at 3:01 p.m.

Alexander and mommy after he when to be with God and his grandpa.

They let me have my little boy Alex for six hours. I was so drugged up on Staydall that I didn’t know what was coming or going. I told my doctor if they didn’t put me on something I would rip the hospital apart because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I was so sad and angry. But I thought it was the happiest moment when I gave birth and when I was holding my little boy and saw my father and told him he could take him home. My mother and everyone told me it was cold in the room when I was talking to my father. I really did see him, it was not the medicines. He came in my time of need, and I am glad that God allowed him to take my little boy home with him. But when I left that hospital, I was crying all the way
with empty arms. All I wanted to do was scream...

Alexander and mommy and grandma, look at him...

I miss my little boy so bad. He turned two years old on May the 27th, and I made him a cake and visited his grave site. I was so empty and it was hard for me to visit his site. I don’t go there a lot because I see him and then I have to leave him. I felt I was a bad mother. Maybe some day I will find peace of mind about losing my little boy, but I don’t think I will until
I go to heaven and hug him and tell him how sorry I was that I wasn’t there for him.

Mommy's favorite picture of Alexander and her.

Alexander's Daddy.

Alexander’s Uncle Charles who misses him very much.

Our Little Precious Angel

Our little precious angel,
He could not too stay long.
Enough to steal your heart away,
Then force you to be strong.
Enough to show you in a glimpse
How wonderful life can be.
And how no wealth or wordly good
Could take the place of thee.
Little Angel in a cloud
Looking down upon his family
And feeling forever proud.
That for a time, however short or long,
He had the chance to be
Our little precious angel,
so beautiful to see.
~ Author Unknown

The mention of my child's name
may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
let me hear the music of his name!
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul!
~ Author Unknown ~

Alexander's sister Angel.

Angel again.

Mommy, When I Went To Heaven

Mommy, when I went to heaven,
I took part of your heart.
Just so you will always remember me,
And know we will never be apart.

Mommy, when I went to heaven,
I was not alone.
They were waiting there for me,
The day the Lord took me home.

Mommy, when I went to heaven,
I seen you crying down below.
I tried to touch you,
And let you know I love you so.

Mommy, when I went to heaven,
I know you didn't want me to go.
So the Lord let's me come back once & awhile,
I kiss you just to let you know.

Mommy, when I went to heaven,
They promised you would feel my touch.
I am here for you, mommy,
I miss & love you so much....
~ Author Unknown

These pictures above are of Alexander's little sister, Alexis, at 5 months old.

This website is made in memory of my little boy Alexander who went home to be with God and his grandfather on May 27th 2004. Love Mommy and Daddy and Grandma and all the family. A THANKS TO ALL THE ANGEL MOTHERS, AND I REALLY WANT TO THANK: My daughter's grandmother and Aunt and my Aunt Helen and my mother, most of all for all their help though all my hard times and they were there when I gave birth and all through everything.
When I needed someone to talk to, you were all there for me. Thank you.

"A Life so Brief, A child so small,
you had the power to touch us all"

Benjiman's Site Map

My Angel Son Michael

To Miranda and ANGEL ALEXANDER

The pain I feel
It is always a tug
I have to believe it's you
Giving me that special hug

Yes Mom it is me believe it
Giving you that special touch
Although you can't see or hear me
I want you to know I still love you VERY MUCH

And when GOD calls you home
Again Mom we will be together
I can't wait, I know you can't
Then and only then it will be FOREVER

Written By Sue-Anne Aguilera~~~~Lee'sMom

In Loving Memory Of Lee Henry Aguilera

A friend can hear a tear drop.

Maria's Tribute to Christopher