This is one of our favorite pictures of Thomas....he was 18....he always wore his sunglasses, hat (usually Cowboys...his favorite team), tee shirts, and shorts...even in the winter he would wear shirts....guess he was just hot blooded.... :) He always drank mountain dew...was his favorite pop to drink.... he did smoke once in awhile... In Loving Memory of Thomas Bryan Hostetler December 21, 1979 - June 27, 1999 The Memory of Thomas (Who Forever Watches Over Me) It was a cold winter morning, God gave me my first-born son. Oh, little did I know that same day, he would be my only one. I was honored with three daughters, but he was the one and only boy. He, with his sisters were our treasure ... And such a blessing to enjoy. We watched him grow into manhood; Oh, the outdoorsman he became. He loved to fish, hunt, camp and hike ... Yes, outside sports was his game. He was such a whiz at learning. And a special eye for the bow. He had an insight on life in general ... Mastering all he could know. He knew how to be a true friend. An asset that many never learn. He cared so much for life around him ... A desire that shall forever burn. Then, that tragic day he left me; I still feel it was all so unfair. Oh it feels as if my life has ended ... But his life goes on up there. Not a single day passes by I don't cry and moan. God knew what was best for him ... But I can't believe he's gone. I just want reach through time and change what was done. Instead, I hold on to the memories ... Cherished memories of my son. Oh, little did I know that winter morn how special his life would be. That he would touch so many lives ... And now forever watches over me. ~Author~ Kaye Des'Ormeaux, Copyright 2003 Dedicated to Joyce In loving memory of her son, Thomas Dec. 21, 1979 -- June 27, 1999 Some Things About Thomas Thomas was born on December 21, 1979. He was our first child. We brought him home on December 24, he was a great Christmas gift. *Sigh* He was such a joy in our lives from the moment that he was born. How I longed for him to be born. This was the days when you did not know what the sex of your baby was. But, I knew. I knew I would have a son. Thomas was our first born, our only son. Nothing more needs to be said about that does it? Thomas was a very good baby, right from the start he slept all the night through. He loved to be held and snuggled. And all through his life he loved hugs. And all through his life we were all very close to him. *sigh* Thomas was very busy as a child. He learned quickly and he loved to be read to....all the time. LOL Tom kept me very busy. He was constantly on the go from the moment he learned to crawl, walk, and run; he was going. I can remember after his sister was born, Brandy, in 1981, she was like 8 or 9 months old....that Thomas went out side to play. After about 1/2 hour I went out side to check on him.(We did not usually worry because his grandparents and great-grandparents lived next door) I could not find him! I just panicked. We lived out in the country and there were many places he could be. I looked everywhere. Finally I saw small form on the hill behind the house. It was Thomas.... I ran up to him...., and he did not have his pants on! I asked him where he had been and what happened to his pants? He said I lost them? Lost them! So he took my hand and walked up behind the hill and there on a fence was his pants! I could not believe it! He said I was coming back for pants, mine got hunged up! Hunged up! How he ever got out of those pants I do not know. I asked him what he was doing? He told me he was going a-hunting like dad, to scope them deers! Boy, after that I kept a very good eye on him! Thomas was always into something...always seeking, always looking, always stretching his mind....always learning... Thomas loved to be out doors and was always on the go. If he was not in the house playing the Play Station, reading, etc., he was gone. Tom just loved being outside. Loved being with his dad. He so enjoyed fishing, and often times you wondered who was the worse for wear, the fish or Tom. He also loved boating, squirrel hunting, hiking, back packing, was learning a compound bow, rock climbing, paintball, faulf, canoeing, kayaking, loved swimming... he was like a fish. If there was a mud puddle Tom found it. He loved the outdoors even as a young child. Funny how something so trivial becomes such an important part of their lives later on? :) Basically, Thomas just loved life... We have this picture enlarged and in our living room....that was Thomas...camping, cooking....having fun..... These are two loving gifts to Angel Thomas from my dear friend, Carol, mom to Angel Michael. When Thomas died Bryan (my husband) said he not only lost his son but he lost his best friend and buddy too. Thomas and Bryan always like doing the outdoor things together. Bryan really misses that. In fact that fall of 1999 Tom and his Dad were thinking about planning their first elk hunting trip. Was going to be 1 week. The camp, hiking, all that. They were so excited about it. Even though it was in the talking stages.... I know that it is something that Bryan missed doing with Tom. They never got to hunt together as much as they wanted to. But, they did get to go fishing in Bryan's little boat that Sunday before he died. Bryan had said it was the best time him and Tom had had together in a long time. :) Now I think it was special because God knew it would be the last. Bryan loved his son so much, more then anyone realized and his death nearly destroyed him. Took almost three years for Bryan to have that laugh he used to have, that kidding side, the playful soul. The Dallas Cowboys were Tom's favorite foot ball team at the time. :) He also loved working on his truck and motor cycle and was teaching himself mechanicing :) He would joke that if he knew what he was doing he would have been done in half the time. LOL Tommy loved to drive...oh he loved this with an open spirit. Give him the open freeway and he was gone. Thomas had bad faults too. He smoked once in awhile and drank once in awhile, he was far from perfect. Thomas's favorite thing to do I think was fishing....he loved to sit and fish or to be out in his dads small boat fishing. It just seemed a peaceful time....sometimes if I close my eyes I can still hear the excitement in his voice of catching a fish. He did not care what size it was.....*sigh* And a lot of the time he could care less if he caught any....he was enjoying time with us, his sisters, or his friends..... We love this picture....his smile....even though he was scheduled to get braces that fall he still smiled...... it was just his way.... Unfortunately Bryan and I were not getting along and I moved away with our two children to Missoula. It was good for us at the time as Bryan's drinking had just reached the point to where you had enough you know? I know too that I was the cause of it falling apart too...I cannot put all the blame on Bryan. Shortly after I got there I found out I was pregnant again.....it was good and bad. Alone with two kids and one on the way. But, we found a bond. We had always been close but we became closer....I guess we just relied on each other. :) We did more things together just us....and we all relied on each other. Thomas would always say..I'll take care of you Mom,,,,forever.....Later low and behold Bryan shows up .....he had quit his job and wanted to get back together.....it was tough...but he had quit drinking...was working on getting his GED and was making an effort to change. In 1984 I gave my heart to the Lord and felt led to bring our family back together......... So we moved to Baker in 1985. We had a good life there..became involved in a church and when Thomas was four he gave his "tummy" to the Lord....we corrected him and said "heart"....and he said....Ya I know.... LOL We had a good life in Baker....Thomas did well in school and we were happy. Thomas of course still loved fisheing, and was always on the go with his friend Josh. He loved three wheeling and racing down an open road....maybe that is where his first love for driving came from. LOL This is one of our favorites....Thomas leaving for his High School graduation....1998...... In 1990 we moved to Helena...where we live now.... Thomas grew as any child would. He had a few friends but not that many. He loved going to football games and being outside still. :) He accelerated in school, but, struggled with Math until a teacher took him under his wing and showed him what math was about. After that everything clicked.....He liked school to an extent. LOL Like any middle grade children.... Tom loved to be around friends but also around family. He was very close to his sisters. He was always on the go, always doing something. He was so excited about becoming an Uncle, but he never got that chance. Our family was very close.... I miss his input on my life, all of our lives. Tom had a very compassionate soul. It is hard to describe. He had an insight on life that was way beyond his years. He kept so many people grounded. When Thomas believed in something he stood fast. No changing him. And his beliefs were deep. Loyalty was very important to him. He hated back stabbers, and liars. And if Thomas considered you a friend you earned that name. His heart was so big....but, you better not cross him. His temper could be just as quick as his soft side. LOL Thomas would spend hours just listening to kids problems. He was so compassionate, and understanding and one of the best listeners there could ever be. Sigh. He was always there for you no matter what. His sisters miss all their late night talks that they had with him. It didn't matter what time of night or day he was there.....and all too many times their talks were late and early morning. How my girls miss their confidant, their best friend. *sigh* This is Tom with his girlfriend Julie. This is a screen saver Cassandra made Thomas right after he died....we usually have it on most of December & June....adding his picture on his birthday, and Anniversary date.... Thomas was a soft kindred spirit with a temper if you got him riled enough. :) Sometimes I drew so much strength from my son. He was always so encouraging to me. Saying you can do this, etc. He was the same way with his sisters. And he was always there for everyone else. He lost a job once helping one of his friends come off drugs. He didn't care he shrugged and said his friend was more important. Thomas loved life. He had a outlook on life that was remarkable. He had wisdom that was beyond his years. It was amazing sometimes. And he was smart, and I am not saying that just as his Mom. His intelligence at times was amazing to me. He loved History and was thinking of becoming a history teacher right before he died. He never figured out what he would have became, he never had the chance but whatever he would have became he would have been good at it. Thomas loved to read. He would have three books going at one time. Reading was his passion, He always said you never know when you might have a minute to read a page or two. :) He loved studying history, and was studying the civil war deeply when he died. He was always challenging his mind. He loved playing the Play Stations and was quick at games. He liked computers and the technology that was just coming out (I often think how he would love all the technology we have now, but, who knows maybe he has used them already...my daughter told this to me last night). He was an avid chess player. In fact he beat one of the chess players championship person when he visited Helena and the kids in Shodair (where Thomas had been hospitalized). Thomas also enjoyed a good movie. Sigh. Like I said before Thomas was very athletic. Even though he struggled with his weight all his life he was always active, on the go, being outside....his friends always commented on his endurance to do things and he could out do them all which amazed them....I think the one thing Thomas was really getting into was rock climbing....I mean he seldom used gear....it was free climbing....I was always too scared to go watch him fearing he would fall and get hurt.....some friends of his and Tom were suppose to go rock climbing the next week end after he died.....they said that they were going to video tape him,....wish they would have.... Tom's first job was at McDonalds....yep..mickey D's.....he was a cook....and he liked it a lot...but, would say it was not his life ambition... LOL When Tom died he was working at Godfathers pizza and was working on becoming an Assistant Mamager....he said if __?___ (sorry cannot remember the name) could be one....I can too.... LOL He worked, used his money wisely....if he decided he wanted to buy something he saved until he could do so....he was looking forward to the time he could move out on his own....as I often told him...have fun...live your life...it is ironic though....a few days before Tom died I was standing in the kitchen and he came up behind me and put his arms around me and said "Mom I am going to live with you until I die..I love you, Mom" He gave me the biggest squeeze.....sometimes I think about those words and wonder if his soul knew somehting.....I do not know....at the time I just laughed and said sure.....sure you will.....he did. When Thomas was a senior in High School about 16 of his classmates took a weeks long trip rafting the Missouri River here in Montana....they were one of the last few to see The Eye Of the Needle....a monument here in fact before someone smashed it. He had a wonderful time......he had fun working together with me and his dad deciding what he needed to take, what he didn't.....he came back with such pride. they literally roughed it.....he loved it.....after that he so was involved with the outdoors more. Also when Thomas was around 17 he got a pet.....a ball python he named Calvin...at the time I was so mad at him because we told him he could not have one. Calvin was only about 6 inches long.....Tom really was responsible taking care of him... *We still have Calvin and cannot believe how big he has gotten....Thomas would be amazed. Sometimes I wonder if Calvin missed the young man that handled him so much and let him crawl all over him....we do not handle him as much as Tom did....I think Calvin knew when Tom died....it was June and he went into a hibernation for about 3 months....not their normal time to do that* Also right before Thomas died about 1 year....he had bought his dad's old pickup...a 1975 Ford 150 Super Cab......it needed a lot of work....but, he was determined to make it a cool truck....his last Christmas I had bought him a car stereo and speakers.....he went out right away that Christmas Eve and installed it..... *sigh* The Friday before he had died he had put a new radiator in it as it had been over heating......Tom never got the chance to see if that was the problem or not....he died that Sunday morning......His pick up truck still sits behind our apartment by our garage.....maybe one day we will sell it or get it running.....there are times when I go out and just touch it.....remember like the time...... Thomas changing the spark plugs once and Thomas was literally sitting in on the motor getting them in. We had a chuckle out of that one. It was one of the times I wish I had a camera. :) I miss him....... Thomas was engaged to a girl named Julie Strong when he died. They had been engaged since December 24, 1998. She was 3 years older then Thomas. They met while they were both working at McDonalds, even though they now worked at different employment. Julie made Thomas so very happy. They were inseparable. Between beepers and phone and later Julie actually living with us for 8 months before Tom died (yes, she lived with us when he died). I saw something in Thomas that made me very happy. He was truly in love with Julie. But, Julie had problems which they were working through. He actually got her off drugs and drinking. They were together all the time. But for the last month or so of his life things were really touchy. Him and Julie were having disagreements, and Julie was trying to becoming very controlling. Which Thomas did not tolerate. This is the last picture of Julie and Thomas together that I have...they had this taken in November of 1998. I had left to go to San Francisco for two weeks before Thomas died. I had been home 1 day less then 1 week when he died. I had come home from work one night (Wednesday before he died) and they were arguing. Thomas had accused Julie of cheating on him and broke off the engagement! She did not deny it. It was a mess. Thomas was so heart broken and so sad. I had never seen him so hurt for a very long time. Sigh. He loved someone so much and she had betrayed him by cheating on him. It broke his soul. The last week that Thomas was alive it was so hard to see him so unhappy and it breaks my heart to know that sadness was apart of his life right before he had died. But I know that Thomas would have worked through this and in the end if he could have helped it, they would have remained friends. Unfortunately I really do not know what happened after that. I do know we went out to Dinner Friday night with Julie and Tom and it was not easy. That Friday was the last time I saw him....turning around with his smile but with sadness in his eyes telling me...I love you Mom. Those words mean everything. So you see this is kinda a touchy area....a love gone wrong I suppose. This picture was taken in the early part of June in 1999.... Cassandra took it as he had come back home from being out. Thomas died June 27, 1999 from a fall off a deck while visiting a friend for the week end. He fell 12' onto an asphalt driveway causing massive head and neck injuries. He died before the ambulance even got there, but they bagged him until he was pronounced dead at the emergency room. This is technically all we know of his death. It has been hush hush....we have beat our heads against a wall trying to get the truth from the Sheriff's Department, or anyone!!! It is so hard. Julie has gone on with her life, no charges filed, and the punishment for me is living with what happened that night. Here are the lyrics of the song that we had played at Thomas's funeral. It is also the song playing on this page. I hear or think about this song and I just *sigh*..... I loved Thomas so much...... God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You Performed by N'Sync Yeah Yeah Oh yes Oh, oh Yeah, yeah Can this be true Tell me can this be real How can I put into words what I feel My life was complete I thought I was whole Why do I feel like I'm losing control I never thought that love could feel like this Then you changed my world with just one kiss How can it be that right here with me There's an angel It's a miracle Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep When I look into your eyes I know that it's true God must have spent A little more time on you A little more time Yes he did baby In all of creation All things great and small You are the one that surpasses them all More precious than Any diamond or pearl They broke the mold when you came in this world And I'm trying hard to figure out Just how I ever did without The warmth of your smile The heart of a child That's deep inside Leaves me purified Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep (And deep) Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep When I look into your eyes I know that it's true God must have spent A little more time on you On you, on you, on you, you On you, on you, on you, you (Yes he did baby) On you, on you, on you, you On you, on you, on you, you (Yeah) I never thought that love could feel like this Then you changed my world with just one kiss How can it be that right here with me There's an angel It's a miracle Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep (Peaceful and deep) Your soul is like a secret that I never could keep When I look into your eyes I know that it's true God must have spent A little more time on you On you, on you, on you, you God must have spent A little more time On you... (Yeah) A little more time On you To visit Thomas' very special poem page, please click on the fish bobber below ~ Please also visit ~ Merry Christmas With Love From Thomas To email Thomas' mom, please click on the deer button below ~ A friend can hear a tear drop. Please visit Maria's Tribute to Christopher Angel Christopher Two Very Special Angels Dear Joyce and ANGEL Thomas Time keeps going by In my eyes there will always be rain The rain are the tears I cry for you Until that day I know we will meet again Mom, I am always with you In whatever you say and do There is one thing I will aways promise you I will never stop loving you I have to believe Son You live just beyond the Crest The words I keep hearing GOD only takes the Best Written By Sue-Anne Aguilera~~~Lee'sMom MY LOVE TO YOU JOYCE In Loving Memory of Lee Henry Aguilera A small gift for the Hostetler family from one grieving parent to another. May God bless them and comfort you. GEOFFREY P. EDWARDS With Love For Thomas I know he has finally climbed that mountain and he has touched my heart so much Love Ann, Laurasmom This is for you Thomas Your mother's love has touched my heart I give this to mom for your beautiful memorial site so the angels will all know how very loved you are and always will be For Thomas I know I'm a little late for Thomas' birthday but I am giving this gift to you anyway in memory of Thomas. What a very nice boy and such a tremendous loss to your family. I send you love and prayers that Thomas rests with the Lord until you are reunited again. Love Ann, Laurasmom Jesus Wept This webpage is created In Loving Memory of Thomas Bryan Hostetleron December 20, 2003 Last updated: March 2, 2009 © 2000 - 2009 Our Christmas Angels