| Is & Isn't He said she's the girl of his dreams, so much so that when she walked by, oblivious as always, that it just fell out of his mouth. "The kind of woman you dream about," and all were in agreement. How many were singled out and asked by me, after, "Are you a sucker too?" and denied it, there-by avoiding the unspoken follow-up: "Well, then, why not me?" All again. I too was once loved for beauty, but the one who gave that was frustrated by what his unpredictable dissatisfaction unleashed in me, and by the passing of time. Was once loved for my soul also, but was abandonned when my soul spoke up. Maybe my long history speaks for itself, in all its deceitful trials. Is it really necessary to propogate a lie and show how much you need and want for absolutely nothing to get something? Or should I say, "someone?" The love of God is not enough. Come on here, people, am I the only one honest about it? The senior pastor sermonizes: "Call upon the Lord for everything you need, and all the love you need..." I trust the Creator for material debris, but as for love, you betcha I'm calling out a name, but it's a human's. I need more, but to get it I have to settle for less. Loving oneself is not sufficient either, 'though that skill is absolutely crucial to survive the indefinite limbo of being alone. I could play you music like whispering water, paint you the stars in the sky, cook for you the food of paradise, or lead you into the most meaingful conversation of your life. I am love itself, and I hold it for you. I am the meaning of life, and so are you. No one says this about me, but they are blind and I am worthy. At least after ten years of analysis I can say this about myself. There are those, though, who have not yet learned how to not be permanently damaged by collective idolatry. PamEhli/1999 |
| . |
|
| Since 1-20-03 |