| What is justification for my life? Does it mean anything to anyone except those whose lives originated from mine? I have contributed to the brokenness of others. My view of life is fatalistic: "Everything happens as it's supposed to, for a reason." And all the so-called bad stuff? That's relative. You say cleaning out & remodeling your spiritual house. I say it's to make you into what you are to become; but it's really the same thing. "Becoming" doesn't stop at 18 or 20 or 25 or 50. We supposedly have all these choices, but really we don't because if we'd ever taken a different road than we did, we'd all be different people, either slightly or totally. So we go out into the world & interact; we get wisdom, we get trash, we love, we get hurt, we procreate, & life goes on. Somehow we're supposed to figure it out, & depending on what belief system we go by, even figure it out in advance. It's all just hindsight in the end. Or is it? I keep saying I can see glimpses of the future at times, so is this an evil incarnation like my own mother thinks, or am I creating my own reality? What's going to happen to all those bargains I've made with God where I didn't hold up my end? When's he going to call them in? I don't have any impending sense of doom hanging over my head. Is this because of forgiveness? So what are we doing here then? Are we just God's little toys? 'Cause He doesn't need us. If He want to, He could send out His spirit & get everyone 'saved' right now. We all waste time wondering about what people think about us, have we sinned, "What is God's perfect will?" It doesn't matter; we can be killed, but we can die happy; we can have our spiritual leaders diss us & curse us from their midst because our version of the Truth doesn't match theirs, & this will happen to those with an ounce of self-defense in them. So why should we defend ourselves, if we're all just meaningless blobs of flesh spat here & left by a God who was simply trying to amuse himself one day, the sixth day at that, the symbol of incompleteness? Oh, we try to find ourself in meditation of our demi-god little shit selves, by passing a joint, a bottle, by pure/unpure screaming sex, or it's distant relative, marriage--the holy joining of two or three into one. Or the union of a few in a common cause--a cult, a coven, or just a circle of blood brothers. For some, it's membership in a larger body with plenty of common ground and room for dissention, both. It's all the same, that seeking after knowledge from without to fill the void within...It's what we do; we seek after. Our fundamental function becomes whatever it is we search for is inside, put there by god. We're told it's not, that we don't know anything. I'd have to say that no, no one is complete in and of themselves only, but we've got a start and we're taught or hypnotized to disregard it. So go make a friend, tell them what'chu know, & hear them out. Don't let them beat your thoughts into submission unless you're damn sure that's what you want. Do a little mutual healing & add fuel to your soul's fire. PamEhli/1998 Back to God Page Back to Home Page |
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| Since 1-2-03 |
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