Pasha:
One of my human's seventh grade students gave her a copy of this
article. I am sending you the article for your own enjoyment. I think
you will like this offbeat history! -Zoe
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In the last issue of the Alabama School Journal, "Just for Laughs"
carried answers students had given on tests. So many people commented
about how hilarious the student responses were, that the Journal decided
to serve up a few more. A good laugh for an educator may be better than
chicken soup. Here are some more of those incredible answers to history
test questions.
1. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.
Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible
for all this.
2. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and
no longer had to pay for taxis.
3. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two
singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided
against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
4. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right
to keep bare arms.
5. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went
to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
6. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
7. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very
large.
8. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
9. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power,
but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
10. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was
the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral
woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended
her reign.
11. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
to spring up.
12. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormack raper, which did the work
of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles
Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman
Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
13. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck
by an anarchist, ushered in a new error in the annals of human history.