Episode 4 - Detour
ACT ONE
INT. UNFINISHED HOUSE - DAY
We see Xander at his current workplace, goggles on,
working a circular saw. A middle-aged man comes up and
taps him on the shoulder. Xander cuts the power off.
XANDER
Mr. Howze. What's up?
MR HOWZE
It's time you and I had a little
talk.
XANDER
(nervous)
Uh Oh. In the history of mankind,
nothing good has ever followed those
words. I mean, no one says 'It's
time we had a little talk, you've
won a million dollars' or 'It's time
we had a little talk, they've
brokered a peace agreement in the
Middle East' or 'It's time we had a
little talk, they've cancelled
'Passions'.
MR HOWZE
Xander, you're a fine carpenter but
I'm a little concerned with your
work ethic.
XANDER
What? But I'm the hardest working
guy on your crew.
MR HOWZE
When you're here. Trouble is, you
seem to be spending more and more
time away from work. I don't think
your have your priorities straight.
XANDER
But I put in my time here. I always
get the job done.
MR HOWZE
I need for you to commit to this job
one hundred percent.. Don't think I
don't know where you hang out after
hours. I've seen you at that shop
where your fiancee works.
XANDER
What I do with my own time..
MR HOWZE
reflects badly on this crew, on me
and on the person who writes our
cheques. Where's your future? Do you
want to spend the rest of your life
playing with your strange friends
and sticking needles into dolls?
Mr Howze looks at Xander contemptuously for a beat.
MR HOWZE
It's time for you to grow up.
Remember, I report to the Boss. I'm
the one who has control of your
life.
Mr Howze leaves. Xander looks on.
INT. UC SUNNYDALE/COMMUNAL ROOM - DAY
ANGLE : TARA, WILLOW AND BUFFY ON A COUCH
WILLOW
(looking straight ahead)
It's all about control, you know.
Whoever has it, has the power over
all of use here. We just have to sit
and bear it.
REVERSE ANGLE :
to reveal the three watching television. A game of
gridiron is on.
WILLOW
I mean, there we were, watching a
documentary on this cute little pig,
with its wiggly tail and muddy snout
then.. wham.. someone's skinned the
poor thing and is launching it
through the air.
TARA
It was a rather disturbing segue.
BUFFY
Yup. Nothing to love about nasty
little surprises.
Willow looks over to her right where we see a group of
college jocks, laughing it up, watching the game. One
of them has the remote.
WILLOW
I have a mind to just walk over
there and demand them to change the
channel back..
(then retreating)
that is, of course, if I was
actually brave,.. and strong.. and
was the starting fullback for the
Sunnydale Slayers.
BUFFY
Why don't you just go over and ask
them for the remote?
WILLOW
Are you kidding? Look at the size of
them.
(turning back to look at
the TV)
There, see! With the little yellow
flags again. What's with that?
Buffy gets up and walks over to the jocks. They start
talking.
WILLOW
(quietly to Tara, looking
at Buffy with the jocks)
I know about these guys. They're not
about to let three girls tell them
what to watch. I think we better be
prepared for something..
Willow and Tara sees Buffy pointing to them on the
couch. The jocks look over and Willow and Tara
immediately give their sweetest, cutest smiles. Willow
gives a tiny wave.
The jock with the remote smiles back and gives Buffy
the remote. Buffy returns to the couch.
BUFFY
(to Willow and Tara)
Harlots.
The jocks begin to disperse. The jock who had the
remote comes over to the couch.
JOCK
(to Tara)
Hi. I'm sorry if I interupted what
you were watching. I didn't realise.
TARA
(caught by surprise)
T-That's okay.
JOCK
Listen, I know this is kinda sudden
but, there's this frat party
tonight. I was wondering if you, you
know, weren't busy.
Tara is a little lost. She nervously looks back at
Willow (who looks a little stunned) and then back to
the jock.
TARA
I think I'm kinda busy tonight, um..
with homework stuff.
JOCK
You sure? Don't let your first
impression of me fool you. When I
find the right channel, I stick to
it.
TARA
(smiling)
I'm taken, thanks.
JOCK
Oh! Okay. No harm in trying was
there? I'll see you ladies around.
Enjoy your show.
The jock leaves and joins his friends. They exit.
WILLOW
(to the departed suitor)
You better believe she's taken. You
with the bedroom eyes and, and..
what kind of a line was that anyway?
'If if find the right channel'.
Tara smiles and holds Willow's hand.
TARA
He was just being sweet.
WILLOW
Tooth-achy sweet, you know, which
leads to horrible, horrible decay
and much, much pain.
TARA
Honey, it's only you I see. Everyone
else is a blur.
BUFFY
(mouthing to herself)
I'm a blur?
Willow and Tara stare lovingly at each other for a
beat. Tara notices Buffy.
TARA
I'm sorry. We didn't mean to make
you feel uncomfortable.
BUFFY
(smiling)
No. I'm great. I'm Comfy Buffy.
TARA
(to Willow)
I have to get to class. I'll see you
soon.
(then to Buffy)
And I'll pick Dawn up from school.
She knows I'm coming?
BUFFY
Yeah. Thanks again.
Tara smiles and exits.
Meanwhile, the gridiron is on a commercial break and a
news headlines comes on.
NEWSCASTER
Tonight at six.. A disgruntled
employee opens fire in a San
Francisco real estate office,
killing four.. A new outbreak of
violence in Albania.. and meet
Jolly, the world'd laziest Iguana.
These stories and more, tonight at
six.
Buffy looks at the television sadly.
BUFFY
You know, sometimes I wonder why I'm
doing all this. Why I have to make
these sacrifices. I mean ,what am I
protecting?
She turns fondly to Willow.
BUFFY
But then I see what you and Tara
have, and I realise that, just
sometimes, this world can come up
and surprise you. That in all this
mess something beautiful can
survive.
Willow smiles but notices Buffy's pain.
WILLOW
(concerned)
Are you okay?
BUFFY
(shrugs, looking away)
It's just that, you get used to the
pain, you know, after carrying it
for so long. It becomes a part of
who you are, like an arm.
(turning to Willow)
Will, I'm starting to forget what my
life was like, before.. I'm starting
to forget what it's like to be
happy. Promise me you'll tell me
when I am.
WILLOW
(quietly)
I promise.
Willow hugs Buffy for a beat. Buffy then gets up.
BUFFY
Gotta go. Giles is expecting.
WILLOW
You sure you're okay?
BUFFY
I'll be fine. I'm the slayer. Just
sit back and enjoy your 'Days of
Swine and Roses', you know, without
the alcoholism.
They smile. Buffy exits. As Willow turns back to the
television, someone grabs the remote on the couch and
changes the channel. The person heads off-screen with
the remote.
Willow sinks into the couch, pouting. She then has a
thought. She looks around her, making sure no one is
watching and then wiggles her finger at the
television. The television switches back to the
documentary. Willow sits back with a satisified smile.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
The Magic Box is open. Anya and Xander are behind the
counter. Giles is talking to two attractive young
females.
GILES
I'm afraid you've been misled. I'm
not the head of some following or
order. The girls you talk about are
just friends and colleagues of mine.
And the singing, well it's just a
hobby.
The two women leave dissapointed.
GILES
(calling to them)
But that doesn't mean you can't stay
and browse. We have a special on
Tibetan chanting sticks.
XANDER
Giles, you sex god you.
GILES
(glaring at Anya)
Yes, one can only imagine how such a
rumour got started.
ANYA
I think this can be good for
business. Try this. When the next
young woman comes into the store,
looking for some direction in her
life, you could maybe 'direct' her
to some of our more expensive items.
Giles walks away without saying a word.
ANYA
Just a suggestion.
(to Xander)
You've been quiet.. and you've
hardly touched your lunch.
XANDER
Just got things on my mind, you
know.
ANYA
You can still eat can't you? I made
it especially for you. I discovered
if you put peanut butter and jam
together in a sandwich, it makes for
a delicious treat. I'm thinking of
calling it 'PeanoJam'.
XANDER
Catchy.
ANYA
(concerned)
What is it? When I see you sad, it
makes me sad. And I don't want to be
sad, so.. stop being sad.
XANDER
(perking up)
It's nothing An. See, all better.
ANYA
(hugging Xander)
Maybe, tonight, we could rent some
romantic movie, and curl up in front
of the warm glow of the FBI
copyright warning, and you won't be
so sad anymore.
XANDER
(smiling affectionately)
Sounds like a plan.
Giles returns, catching the last bit of the
conversation.
GILES
Well, so long as you do it after we
meet here tonight at eight.
XANDER
Scoobyage afoot?
GILES
The Council is sending over five
more of their members and they have
kindly requested that we all meet
with them here tonight.
XANDER
Five more watchers? So what's the
deal. Are they keeping an eye on
Buffy.. or you?
ANYA
(to Xander)
Yes, if it's not Buffy, will they be
like the Watcher's Watchers watching
their Watcher watch her.
Anya is pleased with her play on words, then..
ANYA
(off their looks)
Sometimes I have fun with human
speech.
GILES
Well, whatever they are watch..
observing, I think it would be best
if we played along for now. The
sooner they finish whatever they
plan to do here, the sooner we'll be
rid of them.
INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - DAY
ANGLE : SKEET
SKEET
(smiling)
Well, that's quite the plan. In one
night we kill the Council members,
we kill the slayer and we kill all
her little friends. You'll become
famous for this.
WIDEN :
to reveal Skeet and Tarwin in Skeet's room. Tarwin is
on a knee, bowing.
TARWIN
You'll become famous master. It is
your plan.
SKEET
Good lad. If this works, I'll become
the most feared vampire in all
existence.
(walking to Tarwin)
And you, my servile friend, will
become my new right-hand man.
Together, we will finally step up
and take our place at the head of
the line.
Skeet regards the kneeling Tarwin for a beat.
SKEET
Now, go. I have important work to
do.
TARWIN
Yes Master.
Tarwin gets up and leaves. Skeet wanders to a shelf in
the room, takes out an atlas and starts flipping
through it.
SKEET
(reading)
Brighton, Brighton.. page thirteen,
fifty-fifty North, zero-nine West...
Bugger.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT ONE
CONTINUE TO ACT TWO