Episode 8 - Gesundheit
ACT TWO
INT. A HOUSE - DAY
We see someone from inside the house opening the front
door to reveal Dawn standing on the doorstep. She's
wearing a girl guides outfit and made up to look
younger than she is. We see her sigh before she
starts.
DAWN
Hi, I'm from the Sunnydale Girls
Guides and if you could spare a few
minutes, I'd like to tell you about
some of the things we're doing in
your community and..
WOMAN
Look, I'm sorry but I don't have
time for this. I'm really busy
inside.
There's a sound of something falling down inside. The
woman looks back, annoyed.
WOMAN
(yelling to someone in the
house)
Michael, Terry, you stop that this
instant!
(to Dawn)
Just wait here a second, I'll be
back.
The woman walks away. Dawn looks over to her left
where we see Buffy hiding just around the corner of
the house. Buffy makes a gesture with her hands,
rubbing her eyes, the universal symbol for 'bring on
the waterworks'. Dawn shoots Buffy a firm glare and
mouths 'No'. Buffy stands with her hands on hips,
shooting back a glare of her own. Dawn sighs and rolls
her eyes. She turns back to the woman as she returns.
WOMAN
As I was saying, I don't really have
time to..
Dawn brings on the waterworks, acting very hurt and
pained.
DAWN
It's just that, it took me all night
to memorise everything.. and.. and
no one wants to listen to it, and..
I feel like such a failure..
WOMAN
(softening)
Oh honey. Stop that. I'll listen.
You give your little speech.
Dawn produces a sweet little smile on cue.
EXT. HOUSE/BACKYARD - DAY
Meanwhile, we see Buffy skulking around the back yard
of the house, taking a close look at everything. She
peers in a few windows, but seeing nothing out of the
ordinary, she heads back out to the street.
ANGLE : DAWN
DAWN
..and then we have our annual cookie
sale where we raise money for..
Dawn sees Buffy sneaking away out of the corner of her
eye.
DAWN
Okay. Thanks for listening. Bye.
Dawn rushes off, leaving a confused woman at the door.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY
as we see Dawn run over to Buffy who is casually
strolling down the street. Dawn looking mad.
DAWN
I'm not doing this anymore!
BUFFY
Oh quit your grumbling. You said you
wanted to help us with the search
for the General's headquarters.
DAWN
Yeah, but I thought I'd be like spy-
girl, sneaking around the place, you
know, danger around every corner.
BUFFY
So?
DAWN
Look at me! You've turned me into
the poster-child for cheap, apple-
pie sentimentality! It's
embarassing. And what's with the
waterworks?
BUFFY
What? I needed more time.
Xander comes from across the street to join Buffy and
Dawn. He's smartly dressed, white shirt and tie.
BUFFY
(to Xander)
Hey!
XANDER
Hey!
(to Dawn)
And how's my little girl guide, sell
any cookies?
DAWN
(to Buffy)
You see!
XANDER
What?
BUFFY
(to Xander)
Don't mind her. She's having issues
with the uniform.
DAWN
Issues? I've been telling everyone I
wanted to be treated like a grown-up
and this is your response?
XANDER
(to Dawn)
It's just like acting, you know?
It's no big. Like with me, I got to
be persistent religious guy on a
crusade.
BUFFY
How'd that work out for you?
XANDER
Surprisingly well. You'd be amazed
at how much time people will give
you if you threaten them with
eternal damnation. They invite you
into the house and everything.
BUFFY
You threatened them with eternal
damnation?
XANDER
(defensive)
In a good way.
DAWN
I don't know why I had to wear this
stupid uniform. I mean, why couldn't
I be sneaky-gal? Let Buffy wear the
uniform!
BUFFY
I hardly think that would have
worked.
XANDER
Actually..
BUFFY
Don't even think about finishing
that thought.
DAWN
Let's just get this over with. But
I'm telling you now, I'm burning
this thing when we get back.
Dawn storms off to the next house, away from Xander
and Buffy.
XANDER
Just between you and me, you made
her wear that uniform to annoy her
didn't ya?
BUFFY
(with the biggest grin)
Oh my God, it's so much fun!
INT. ANOTHER HOUSE - DAY
CLOSE ON : A MAN'S FACE
standing in front of his front door, unshaven and
unkept, expressionless, looking like he's just woken
up. We hear Anya's voice off-screen.
ANYA (O.S.)
So, I thought to myself, why not put
the two together and hey, presto,
Peanojam!
ANGLE : ANYA
still with a red nose but being very cheery. She holds
aloft a plate of sandwiches.
ANYA
Well, go on! Try one! It's a taste
sensation!
The man slowly picks a sandwich out from the plate and
looks at it curiously.
ANYA
There you go! Don't be afraid of it.
It's your sweet, nutty friend.
(waiting impatiently)
Well, take a bite!
The man slowly takes a careful bite, expressionless.
ANYA
Doesn't it taste great! I promise
you when I launch this product..
Anya stops mid-sentence, another sneeze coming on. It
builds and builds and..
ANYA
Ah-Choo!
she sneezes right into the plate of sandwiches in her
hands. The man looks at Anya and then slowly looks at
the sandwich in his hands, expressionless. Willow
appears from behind him.
WILLOW
(to the man)
Thanks for letting me use your
bathroom.
(she takes Anya's arm; to
Anya)
Come on. Let's go.
ANYA
(being dragged away, to
the man)
Tell your friends!
They leave the man at the front door, still looking at
his sandwich, expressionless.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY
Willow and Anya walking side by side.
WILLOW
This is your brilliant cover story?
Taste-testing Peanojam?
ANYA
Why not? I don't see why I can't
help save the world and do a market
survey at the same time. I'm killing
two birds with one stone.
WILLOW
(under her breath, to
herself)
More like with one sandwich.
ANYA
Was there anything peculiar about
that last house?
WILLOW
Was there anything that wasn't.
Single guys, go figure. But if you
meant was there anything there that
suggests a vampy fortress, then no.
ANYA
Ah-Choo!
WILLOW
Gesundheit.
ANYA
Thank you.
WILLOW
You know, you don't look so good.
Maybe you should head home. Oh, I
hear that it's good to drink some
warm water mixed with lemon and
honey.
ANYA
You'd love that wouldn't you?
WILLOW
I would?
ANYA
Me going home so that you can take
up Anya's slack. Play the hero?
Well, I'm not going anywhere.
WILLOW
Sure, fine, whatever.
Willow looks over to her right and smiles, giving a
tiny wave.
We PAN over to the left, across the street where we
see Tara and Giles walking side by side. Tara smiles
and waves to Willow.
TARA
(to Giles)
So, doesn't look like we're going to
find the General, at least not
today.
GILES
No. Perhaps their headquarters isn't
in any building. It could be in a
cave or it could be hidden
underground somewhere. It's
frustrating.
The two continue walking. Tara sees someone walking
towards them from in front. A large man, head bowed.
Tara looks a little nervous. Tara continues to look at
the man, as he gets closer and eventually passes them.
She breathes a sigh of relief when she sees the man's
face.
GILES
(noticing)
Are you alright? You seem jumpy.
TARA
Oh, it's nothing.. It's just that,
for a moment there, I thought that
guy was someone else.
GILES
(turning behind to look)
Whom?
TARA
No one. It's nothing. I mean, my
mind's just been a little frayed
recently, you know, what with
everything that's been going on.
It's playing tricks on me. It's
silly. I mean, it couldn't have been
him, it's still daylight.
GILES
(concerned)
Daylight?
Tara realises her slip. She's about to say something
to Giles but stops herself. She tries to walk away.
Giles gently tugs her back.
GILES
What is it?
A beat as Tara considers whether to tell Giles.
TARA
I've been getting some letters.
ANGLE : GILES
looking very concerned.
INT. YET ANOTHER HOUSE - DAY
We see Willow inside a house by herself. She's looking
around a fairly large, very neat and tidy house. It is
very quiet. Nothing but the sound of a grandfather
clock ticking.
Willow looks through a few rooms and then starts
heading out. We hear Anya's voice getting louder and
louder as Willow approaches the front door.
ANYA (O.S.)
..and then hey, presto! Peanojam. Go
ahead, try some.
Willow reaches the foyer. We see Anya at the doorway
and a pleasant-looking old-lady talking to her. She is
carrying a cat in her arms.
CAT LADY
Oh no. Too sweet for an old lady
like myself
(to her cat)
Isn't that right Chester?
ANYA
Ah-Choo!
CAT LADY
Of Dear. Are you sick? Why don't you
come in and I'll make you some nice
ginger tea. It's a sure cure for the
cold.
ANYA
I'm okay.
WILLOW
(to Cat Lady)
Thanks for letting me use your
bathroom. You've got a lovely house.
Do you live here by yourself?
CAT LADY
Yes, just me and my cats.
WILLOW
Cats?
CAT LADY
Oh, you can't see them now but
they're in the basement, through
that door over there.
She points to a green door set in a wall.
CAT LADY
In fact, if you want to see them,
I'm about to feed them their dinner.
Why don't you two come along?
WILLOW
Thanks but we can't. It's getting
late and we need to head back before
it gets dark.
Willow exits the house and walks to Anya. The two
start to leave.
WILLOW
Thanks again.
ANYA
Please, tell your friends!
ANGLE : CAT LADY
A genial smile, waving. The smile gradually
dissapears, changing into a stern face.
CAT LADY
(to herself)
Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell
all my little friends.
She looks over her shoulder at something.
REVERSE ANGLE: THE GREEN DOOR
as we slowly ZOOM IN towards the door, getting closer
and closer on the keyhole, through which we see
nothing but darkness.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY
We see Willow and Anya joining up with the rest of the
Scoobies who are waiting for them by two cars. They
all then start getting into their cars. Before doing
so, Anya dumps the remainder of her sandwich samples
in a nearby bin. She then gets into a car.
We see the two cars pull away and exit the shot. We
are left with a very quiet street and the bin in the
centre of the frame.
Suddeny, the bin turns white and seemingly collapses
on itself as the creatures break apart and fly away
from the scene.
EXT. OUTSIDE A RESTAURANT - NIGHT
We see Sasha, Tarwin and Flix standing just outside a
restaurant.
FLIX
Where's Solomon? We've been waiting
forever.
SASHA
He'll come soon enough.
FLIX
You sure you told him to meet us
here?
SASHA
Yes, now be quiet.
Sasha looks around for Solomon.
TARWIN
Let's face it. Your boy's flying
solo again.
SASHA
Show some respect. I'm sure he had
his reasons.
Sasha continues to search the streets, peering into
the darkness, a slight look of concern on her face.
She walks away from Tarwin and Flix, looks further up
the street at something.
ANGLE : DEGARRIN
hiding in the darkness, looking at Sasha who is
looking in his direction. He then turns to look at
Tarwin and Flix. A very serious look on his face.
ANGLE : SASHA
still looking but not making out anything.
TARWIN
He's not coming. It's time.
Sasha nods and walks back to Tarwin and Flix. She
looks over to a group of vamps just across the street.
SASHA
(to the vamps)
Take the back entrance.
The vamps scurry off to the back of the restaurant.
Sasha is about to head in through the front.
FLIX
(spotting something)
Wait.
Tarwin and Sasha turn to look at what Flix is looking
at. A family of four, parents and two children,
walking down the street towards them.
Flix steps up and, smiling sweetly, opens the front
door of the restaurant open for them.
PARENT
Thank you. You're so sweet.
FLIX
( smiling)
Not really.
(to the children)
But I bet you two are.
The family walks in. Flix follows them in. Sasha and
Tarwin share a look before they enter the restaurant,
followed by a few other vamps.
ANGLE ON : THE FRONT DOOR
as it closes behind the last vamp. We see a vamp turn
the 'OPEN' sign to read 'CLOSED'. We PAN to the left
to a sign which reads 'Super Friday Buffet : All You
Can Eat!'.
We pre-lap:
ANYA (V.O.)
I'm hungry.
EXT. SUNNYDALE CEMETERY - NIGHT
We see Buffy, Christopher, Xander and Anya slowly
walking through the cemetery. Christopher is holding
on to a crossbow while everyone else carries stakes.
Anya is wearing a big, oversized coat to keep herself
warm.
BUFFY
(to Anya)
Prowling around in a cemetery
reminds you of food?
ANYA
No, this empty, rumbling feeling in
my stomach reminds me of food. The
cemetery just reminds me of why I
need reminding about food.
XANDER
You really shouldn't even be here
An. You know that cold isn't going
to go away if you keep putting your
hand up for the graveyard shift.
ANYA
I'm fine. I've got the big coat on,
see?
Anya models the coat, fanning her arms out.
ANYA
Besides, I want to help. I can be
useful with the slayage. In fact,
Chris, why don't you hand me the
crossbow and you can have my stake.
BUFFY
Um, I'd like to veto that idea.
CHRISTOPHER
Seconded.
Anya looks dejected. She turns to Xander for help.
XANDER
(looking at Buffy, then
Anya)
Can I be Switzerland?
CHRISTOPHER
Sshh. Everybody down.
They all quickly get down and hide behind two large
gravestones next to each other. Buffy and Christopher
behind one and Xander and Anya behind another.
ANGLE ON : GRAVESTONES
from in front (with the four hiding behind). We see
the top of Christopher's face (eyes and nose) as he
peers over to look at something. We then see Buffy's
eyes and nose as she also peers over next to
Christopher.
BUFFY
(quietly)
Bingo! Three vamps in a row.
REVERSE ANGLE:
to reveal three vampires standing in a group, talking.
ANGLE ON : GRAVESTONES
We still see the top of Christopher and Buffy's face
peering over the gravestone, intense and concentrated.
We then see the top of Anya's head pop over the other
gravestone; bleary eyes and red nose.
ANYA
(a little loud)
What are we looking at?
We see the top of Buffy and Christopher's heads turn
sharply towards Anya. Their heads then quickly
dissapear behind their gravestone. We see Anya's head
still peering over for a beat before she is
unceremoniously pulled down, dissapearing behind the
gravestone, making a noise as she falls down to the
ground.
One of the vampires, hearing something, starts to
slowly wander over to the group.
ANGLE: BUFFY, CHRISTOPHER, XANDER AND ANYA
hiding behind the gravestones. They can hear the vamp
approaching.
BUFFY
(a passable imitation of a
cat; loudly)
Me-ow.. Me-ow.
ANGLE : VAMP
buying this, stops and starts heading back to the
other vampires.
ANGLE: BUFFY, CHRISTOPHER, XANDER AND ANYA
behind the gravestones. Christopher looks over and
sees that the danger is over. They all talk in
whispers.
CHRISTOPHER
It worked.
XANDER
Way to go Buffy. When we get back,
next round of catnip's on me.
CHRISTOPHER
Okay, now with any luck, these vamps
are working for the General.
BUFFY
So, we follow them? Hope they lead
us to him?
CHRISTOPHER
Precisely.
Christopher starts to draw out a plan on the ground in
front of the group. Buffy, looking very serious and
slayer-like, is squatting down and staring at the
ground, listening to Chrisopher intently.
CHRISTOPHER
Now, here's what I propose we do.
We'll wait until they head out. If
they leave as a group, Buffy and I
will flank them to their left and
Xander and Anya can take their
right.
As Christopher speaks, we see Anya staring at Buffy.
She sidles over next to her and begins copying her
pose, her every movement; staring down intently at the
ground as Christopher explains. Xander notices. Buffy
also notices out of the corner of her eye but lets it
go.
ANGLE : CHRISTOPHER
as he continues to detail out his plan.
CHRISTOPHER
Be sure to keep at least fifty
metres behind them at all times.
Now, if the vampires separate, then
Buffy and I will..
ANYA (O.S.)
(loudly)
Ah-choo!
Eyes turn to Anya. A startled look on Anya's face;
hand covering her mouth. A beat as they stare at each
other, unsure of their next move.
BUFFY
(loudly)
Me-ow.
Christopher gives Buffy a look. Buffy returns with a
'Worth a try' look and a shrug of the shoulders.
Christopher carefully peers over the gravestone to
take a look. He instantly gets knocked down to the
ground by a vamp fist. The crossbow flying away from
his hand.
We see the three vampires standing over the group.
VAMP #1
Gesundheit.
The fight starts. Buffy somersaults over the
gravestone and takes on two of the vamps. The third
vamp pounces on Christopher and they grapple on the
ground. Xander goes over to help Christopher.
ANGLE : ANYA
as she slowly retreats, stake raised in her hand. She
backs away until her foot touches something on the
ground. She looks down to see a crossbow.
ANGLE : BUFFY AND TWO VAMPS
fighting. Lots of somersaulting and spinning. Buffy
has this fight covered, kicking Vamp#1 out of the way
and then staking Vamp#2 with a swift move.
ANGLE : ANYA
as she picks up the crossbow and appraises it.
ANYA
I can do this, just relax, point and
shoot.
ANGLE : CHRISTOPHER, XANDER AND VAMP#3
Christopher and the vamp, now both on their feet, are
grappling with each other. Christopher manages to get
behind the vamp and bend his arm behind his back. He
sees Xander just in front of him, stake raised.
CHRISTOPHER
(to Xander)
Ready?
XANDER
Fire away.
Christopher flings the vamp towards Xander. The vamp
slams straight into Xander's stake.. dust.
XANDER
Yeah!
Xander raises his hand ready for a high-five with
Christopher. Christopher, all business, ignores Xander
and rushes away. Xander is left with his hand hanging
in the air, which quickly retreats behind his head for
a face-saving head scratch.
ANGLE : BUFFY
watching Xander and Christopher, her back turned to
vamp#1 who now gets up behind her and approaches.
ANGLE : ANYA
who is standing behind Buffy, Xander and Christopher.
She notices the vamp and raises the crossbow and takes
aim.
ANGLE : BUFFY
Her eyes bulging seeing Anya with the crossbow aimed
in her general direction.
BUFFY
(to Xander and
Christopher)
Incoming!
Christopher and Xander, who are nowhere near where
Anya has the crossbow aimed, turn around to see Anya
with the crossbow, then dive straight to the ground.
Buffy does likewise, to reveal a very confused vamp
looking at the bodies lying on the ground in front of
him. He looks up to see Anya with the crossbow. He
takes the hint, diving to the ground as Anya fires.
The bolt misses badly, slamming into a tree way off
target.
Anya looks disconsolate, lowering her crossbow. Buffy,
still on the ground, gives Anya a look before getting
up and rushing over to Vamp#1 who is trying to get
away. She tackles him and pins him face down to the
ground. Anya, Christopher and Xander arrive.
BUFFY
(to Anya)
Hey, William Tell, remind me not to
eat an apple in front of you.
Christopher takes the crossbow from Anya and reloads.
BUFFY
(to the vamp)
Now, tell me where the General is.
VAMP #1
I will never betray the General. His
day is coming and you shall all
perish under the blow of his mighty
fist. I will..
ANYA
(very loudly)
Ah-Choo!
Everyone, vamp included, turns to look at Anya again
as she takes out a handkerchief and blows her nose.
VAMP #1
(to Anya)
Have you tried peppermint candy?
ANYA
No, does that work?
Reaction Shot Buffy: What are you two doing?
VAMP #1
Apparently, it clears the nasal
passages right up.
ANYA
Really? Where exactly can I get some
of those? Cause my nose has really
been blocked up since..
BUFFY
(turning to Anya)
Enough! You two can discuss home-
made remedies for the cold after we
find out the location of the
General's lair and, you know, save
the world.
Vamp #1, seeing Buffy is distracted, brings her down
with his legs, gets up and lunges at her with a growl.
Buffy, lying on the ground, just has enough time to
bring her stake in front of her. The vamp lands on top
of Buffy and the stake, dusting himself.
ANYA
Great! Now I'll never find out about
the peppermint candy.
BUFFY
Thanks Anya. I'm fine.
Buffy gets up and dusts herself off. She hears
something off in the distance, a low buzzing noise.
She holds out her hand to Christopher. Christopher
instinctively hands her the crossbow.
Buffy approaches the source of the noise slowly,
inching forward and finger poised on the trigger. She
suddenly sees a vampire, apparently appearing out of
nowhere. She shoots.
The bolt flies at the vampire who remains motionless.
The bolt strikes the vampire at his heart but it
passes straight through. The vampire sculpture
immediately disintegrates as the creatures break
apart.
We suddenly hear a distinctive high-pitched signal.
Two gravestones further back also disintegrate as the
creatures forming those scupltures break apart. All
the creatures regroup and swarm past Buffy,
Christopher, Xander and Anya who duck for cover.
They all slowly get up again after the swarm has flown
by.
XANDER
What the heck was that?
Anya feels something at her back, then starts jumping
around.
ANYA
There's something in my coat! Get it
off! Get it off!
Buffy and Xander rush to Anya.
BUFFY
Stop jumping around! Don't kill it!
ANYA
Are you kidding me? Kill it!
Buffy gets the coat off Anya and carefully lays it on
the ground. She searches inside the coat with her
hands and grabs hold of the creature.
CHRISTOPHER
What is it?
Buffy looks at the creature she's holding in her
hands.
BUFFY
I have no idea.
ANGLE ON : THE CREATURE
in Buffy's hands. Very insect-like in appearance, big
beady black eyes and tiny but razor-sharp teeth. It
struggles to get free. We see it change colour from
white to a colour perfectly matching the colour of
Buffy's skin.
ANGLE : BUFFY AND CHRISTOPHER
looking down at the creature and then at each other in
astonishment.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT TWO
CONTINUE TO ACT THREE