Episode 8 - Gesundheit
GESUNDHEIT
TEASER
INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT/BEDROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT ONE)
CLOSE ON : ANYA
with a slightly red nose, making a strange sort of
face, like a strained yawn.
ANGLE : XANDER
looking at Anya, waiting.
ANGLE : ANYA
something slowly building inside of her, until..
ANYA
(an almighty sneeze)
Ah-Choo!
CUT TO:
A wider two-shot as we see Xander smiling and handing
Anya more tissues. The two are dressed to go to bed.
Xander is sitting on the bed while Anya is laid out on
the bed, looking sick. We see a box of tissues on the
bed next to Xander and many crumpled up pieces of
tissue on the bed around Anya.
Anya grabs the tissue and puts it against her nose.
XANDER
Okay, again.. blow.
Anya makes a reluctant face, then blows her nose. She
quickly throws the tissue away, now wanting to look at
it.
ANYA
Oh, that's just disgusting.
XANDER
It's just a cold An. It's no big.
ANYA
I've been infected! Of course, it's
a big deal. My head hurts, I feel
weak and, and.. I'm leaking!
She quickly grabs another tissue from Xander's tissue
box and wipes away at her nose.
XANDER
(cheerily)
We've all done the Mucus Mambo at
some stage in our lives. It's all
part of being human. Learn it, live
it, embrace it.
Xander sticks a thermometer in Anya's mouth.
ANYA
(clunky thermometer-in-
mouth speak)
Look at you! You're enjoying all
this! I'm obviously in distress here
and all you can do is mock my pain!
XANDER
I'm not. It's just that it's kinda
cool, you know, to see you all weak
and helpless.
Serious Anya glare.
XANDER
(whoa!, better rephrase)
I mean.. it's cool that I get to be
the one to look after you. Besides,
you're cute when you're all blocked
up.
ANYA
(more thermometer speak,
the thermometer bobbing
around as she talks)
I don't need looking after. I hate
diseases. Sure, it was mildly
amusing when you contracted the
funny syphilis but I don't get sick.
(suddenly gesturing at the
thermometer)
I'm about to gag here.
Xander takes the thermometer from Anya's mouth and
looks at it.
XANDER
Well, congratulations An, you're
officially sick now. Top of the
charts with a bullet.
ANYA
You know, this could be something
more than a cold. I looked it up.
The symptoms are consistent with any
number of fatal diseases.
XANDER
Yeah, maybe getting that medical
dictionary wasn't such a good idea.
ANYA
(ignoring)
And by the way, that rash on your
leg? I think it could be Lupus. You
should go see a doctor.
XANDER
An, if you're really feeling this
sick, maybe you shouldn't go to work
tommorow. You know, lay low and
recover.
ANYA
(adamant)
No! Giles needs me.
XANDER
I'm sure Giles doesn't need you..
(off Anya's look)
that is, I'm sure he can cover for
one day.
ANYA
No, he doesn't know about my
systems.
XANDER
Your what?
ANYA
My systems. See, I've come up with
my own personalised cataloging and
account-keeping systems so that, you
know, only I can decipher the
records. So if Giles thinks he can
just fire me, he's got another thing
coming Mister.
XANDER
Yes, An. You're unique and
irreplaceable.
ANYA
And besides, there's all the Scooby
stuff that's always going on. I know
I'll be needed there. I don't want
to miss out on anything.
XANDER
Relax. I'll give the demons a ring
and tell then you're sick. I'm sure
they'll postpone the apocalypse
until you feel better.
INT. A HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - NIGHT
ANGLE ON : A POSTER ON A WALL
a not-very professional looking poster with a picture
of the globe and various symbols. On it is written
'The End of the World is Nigh. Defend Yourselves!'.
WIDEN :
to reveal a delapidated house, filled with pamphlets
and books, strewn all over the place. We see a
menacing looking dog with its chain tied to a table.
We also see a man sitting in a chair, meticulously
cleaning a rifle.
He suddenly stops when he hears a strange buzzing off
in the distance. He takes his rifle to the window and
carefully looks out. He looks at the night sky.
REVERSE ANGLE:
on the night sky as suddenly, a bright blue flash
lights up the sky.
The man has to look away, shielding his eyes. The
light subsides and he turns back to look at the sky.
We now see a shimmering blue portal which has punched
a hole in the sky. From within the portal, we see a
swarm of thousands of tiny creatures fly out in
formation. The portal behind them closes and the swarm
starts heading for the house.
The man steps back from the window, stunned for a
second.
RIFLE MAN
(to himself)
Locusts. The seventh seal has been
broken and the fifth angel has blown
his trumpet.
(turning to his dog,
inappropriately named
'Lamb'.)
Lamb! It has started! The
apocalypse!
Lamb recognises a tone in his master's voice and gets
up and starts snarling menacingly. Rifle man drops his
rifle and rushes over to Lamb and unchains it from the
table. He then rushes over to the door and disengages
the many locks on the door and opens it for Lamb.
RIFLE MAN
Go get them boy!
Lamb sprints out the door, barking and snarling all
the way. Rifle man rushes back into the room and grabs
a pile of keys. He pulls away a rug in the center of
the room to reveal a hidden trap-door underneath. He
begins to unlock the many locks with his keys.
RIFLE MAN
(quoting from Revelations)
Then from the smoke came locusts on
the earth; they were told not to
harm the grass of the earth or any
green growth or any tree, but only
those of mankind who have not the
seal of God upon their foreheads.
He finally unlocks the trap-door and opens it,
revealing an impressive cache of weapons and
ammunition. Off in the distance, we continue to hear
Lamb's barking. Rifle man reaches in a picks out an
impressive looking semi-automatic rifle. He looks at
it, pondering the upcoming moment of his destiny.
RIFLE MAN
They were allowed to torture them
for five months, but not to kill
them. And in those days men will
seek death and will not find it;
they will long to die, and death
will fly from them.
Suddenly, Lamb's barking stops abruptly. Rifle man
breaks out of his trance and looks towards the door.
RIFLE MAN
Lamb?
He rushes out the door with his weapon, grabbing a
flashlight as he goes.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE -
NIGHT
We see Rifle man carrying his weapon, shining his
flashlight all over the place but he sees and hears
nothing. All is calm.
He finally shines the light on Lamb. The dog is
standing still, looking off into the distance at some
bushes.
Rifle man walks up to his dog.
RIFLE MAN
What is it boy?
He shines the light towards the bushes, looking hard
but seeing nothing.
ANGLE : RIFLE MAN
We start on his face (still looking into the bushes),
then we slowly pan down to his shoulders and then
follow down his left arm to his hand as he reaches out
to pat his dog.
We see the hand touch the dog but there seems to be
something strange about the dog.
CLOSE ON : RIFLE MAN'S FACE
as he senses something wrong upon touching the dog.
He kneels down and takes a closer look.
RIFLE MAN
Lamb?
ANGLE : THE TOP OF THE DOG'S HEAD
Upon closer inspections, we see some faint lines all
over the dog. Like it has been pieced together from a
giant jigsaw puzzle.
Suddenly, one of the creatures that had formed the dog
sculpture arises from its place and looks up at Rifle
Man. Very insect-like in appearance, it has big beady
black eyes and tiny but razor-sharp teeth. It changes
its colour from the colour of the dog to its natural
white colour.
It jumps up on to Rifle Man's hand and bites, drawing
blood. Rifle Man lets out a cry and knocks it away,
sending it flying back into the dog sculpture.
Suddenly, we again hear a buzzing sound as the
sculpture suddenly comes alive with movement. The
entire body of the sculpture turns white.
Rifle man looks petrified now. He begins backing away
clumsily, then, dropping his weapon and flashlight,
starts to run back towards the house.
We hear a distinctive high-pitched signal come from
one of the creatures and we suddenly see thousands of
the creatures come out flying from the bushes towards
the man. The creatures making up the sculpture also
begin flying towards the man. The dog sculpture
disintegrates like a sand sculpture blown away by the
wind.
Rifle man now running at top speed towards his house
with a large swarm fast catching him, a loud buzzing
in the air.
INT. A HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - NIGHT
From inside the house, we look out through the open
door into the night as we see Rifle man coming closer
and closer, panic on his face. Just as he is about to
reach the door, the swarm suddenly catches up to him.
He lets out a cry of pain and falls down, out of the
camera's view. We see the creatures descend upon him
(again, out of our view).
BLACKOUT
END OF TEASER
CONTINUE TO ACT ONE