Episode 12 - Remedial Measures
ACT ONE
EXT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY (DAY TWO)
to establish.
INT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY
ANGLE : BUFFY
BUFFY
(happily recounting)
And then I went, 'do I have to be a
certain level of ugly to join?'
We WIDEN to reveal Buffy talking to Giles, who seems
preoccupied with a book in front of him. Buffy waits
expectantly for a response.
GILES
What? oh, yes.. very droll.
BUFFY
So then I staked these three vamps
in Guiness time. Total dustbowl.
(noticing Giles not
listening)
And after that, I went home and
called up Andrew Lloyd Webber. We're
writing this musical about this
former librarian who never listens
to what anyone is saying. We're
thinking of calling it 'She may as
well be talking to a wall'.
GILES
(not listening)
Good.
Buffy gives up. He steps behind Giles to look over his
shoulder at the book.
BUFFY
So, the books give up anything?
GILES
Well, I now know that it's best not
to touch a Sneamy demon on its belly
during mating season but aside from
that particular life-saver..
BUFFY
No luck on Musfata's little science
project huh?
GILES
At this stage, we'll have to assume
he completed his spell, otherwise,
Sasha would never have killed him.
BUFFY
So, we lost this round. We'll win
the next one.
GILES
I'm sure we could all do without the
added distraction of Mr Sandring.
BUFFY
Yeah, that guy. Maybe someone should
tell him black absorbs heat..
absorbs, not reflect.
(off Giles' concerned
look)
You think he's trouble?
GILES
Oh.. I suspect Mr Sandring is my
problem, not yours. I'm sure the
Council is probably just looking for
an excuse to dress me down.
BUFFY
Well, they'll have to find a way
past me first.
Giles smile appreciatively.
GILES
Thank you Buffy, but I can fight my
own battles. You just focus on
keeping yourself safe from harm.
BUFFY
Speaking of which, maybe we'll find
out more about the General's plans
when Xander and I meet up with Mata-
Harmony tonight.
GILES
Let's hope so.
Buffy and Giles share a slight, comforting smile
before Buffy looks up and notices something.
BUFFY
(to someone off-screen)
Dawn! Get off the phone.
We PAN over to Dawn who is leaning against the
counter, talking to a friend on Giles' phone. She
covers the mouthpiece before replying.
DAWN
(to Buffy)
Giles said it was cool. Well, he
didn't actually use the word 'cool'
but he kinda went 'mmm..' in a
positive way.
(then back into the
mouthpiece)
Sorry about that. It's just Buffy.
She's gone all matriarchal on me
again.
TERI (O.S.)
So, whad'ya think?
DAWN
I don't know.
INT. TERI'S HOUSE/TERI'S ROOM - DAY
Where we see Teri, carefree and rebellious, lying on
her bed and chewing some gum as she talks into the
phone.
TERI
C'mon Dawn. You told me you liked
him. I can totally work this.
INT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY
DAWN
I never said 'liked'. I may have
mentioned something about his bone
structure but that was like only
because I'm in Art class, and, you
know, I totally notice these things.
INT. TERI'S HOUSE/TERI'S ROOM - DAY
TERI
(disbelieving)
R.i.i.ght. Look, he totally needs
help with his schoolwork. I think
his entire English Lit. section's
been declared a Federal Disaster
Area.
INT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY
ANGLE : DAWN
still listening to Teri on the phone.
TERI (O.S.)
I can get him to come over and you
can, like, impress him with your
brains.
DAWN
Yeah, cause English tutors are just
so sexy.
TERI (O.S.)
He knows you, you know? He's noticed
you before.
DAWN
(suddenly interested)
He has?
We PAN over from this conversation to Buffy, Willow
and Tara at a table. Willow and Tara are sitting
across each other with their hands joined on the
table. We see Tara's hair colour has now pretty much
returned to normal, with a few white streaks here and
there. In the middle of the table, we see an apple.
Buffy is sitting next to Willow.
BUFFY
And then I went, 'do I have to be a
certain level of ugly to join?'
No response from either Willow or Tara. Buffy can see
they are concentrating hard on the apple. She turns to
look at the apple.
ANGLE : APPLE
as it is slowly being peeled by an invisible force,
the apple rotating on its axis. Suddenly, Willow and
Tara lose control of their magic and the apple splits
in half, only half-peeled.
Willow sits back in her chair, frustrated, then
remembering Buffy..
WILLOW
What? I missed the last part.
TARA
We're sorry. We were kinda in a
different place there.
WILLOW
Tell it again. I'm sure it was very
funny, you know, with the quip and
all.
BUFFY
That's okay. The moment has totally
passed. It's like, in Idaho. So, let
me get this straight. You guys have
been neutered, I mean, magic-wise?
WILLOW
Not exactly. The dispelling spell
kinda scrambled our magical
energies. So, individually, we can
only get some minor spells to work.
TARA
But together, we can still get our
normal spells to work. I guess we
kinda get unscrambled, you know,
realigned?
WILLOW
(to Tara, sweetly smiling)
We always make sense when we're
together.
Tara smiles slightly, then abruptly gets up and leaves
to return a book on a shelf. Willow looks on a little
concerned.
WILLOW
(sadly picking up half an
apple)
But I guess we still have to work
out some of the kinks.
BUFFY
You guys okay?
WILLOW
It's just that, I don't think she
can ever trust me again.. like ever.
With magic, with anything.
BUFFY
Sure she does.
WILLOW
How could she? I mean, after what I
did to her.
BUFFY
But Will, look at what you did for
her.
Willow shrugs her shoulders, unconvinced. Buffy places
a hand on Willow's arm. Buffy gives Willow a
comforting smile. We hear Dawn laughing off-screen.
Buffy looks up.
BUFFY
(to Willow)
You okay? I have to go reverse-
charge Dawn's ass.
WILLOW
I'll be okay. We'll be okay.
Buffy exits. Willow takes a bite from the apple.
ANGLE : BUFFY AND DAWN
Dawn still on the phone to Teri.
BUFFY
Hey! I said off the line! Giles may
be expecting a call from.. um.. I'm
sure there're many, many
telemarketers out there who has his
number.
DAWN
Okay, okay. Don't go self-combusty
on me.
(thinks about it, then..)
Are you going out tommorow? I mean,
same deal?
BUFFY
Yeah, same deal. Trainy, patrolly.
Why?
DAWN
Oh.. nothing. Just wanted to be
sure.
BUFFY
(eyeing Dawn suspicously
as she leaves, indicating
the phone)
Off now! I mean it.
Buffy exits. Dawn talks back into the phone.
DAWN
Hey.
TERI (O.S.)
So?
DAWN
So, she's going out again, but..
INT. TERI'S HOUSE/TERI'S ROOM - DAY
TERI
But what? Look, if you're nervous or
something, I can swing by with
Vinnie. We can make it like a double
study date.
DAWN (O.S.)
Really?
TERI
Sure. Except for the whole studying
part.
INT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY
We see Dawn pondering, very unsure.
INT. TERI'S HOUSE/TERI'S ROOM - DAY
TERI
C'mon Summers. Time to take that
cute but smart act you've got going
out for a test drive.
INT. GILES APARTMENT - DAY
Dawn thinks for a moment, then..
DAWN
Okay.
We see Giles walk by. He looks at Dawn on the phone
who defensively turns away from him and covers the
mouthpiece. Giles, lets it go.
We TRACK Giles as he walks over to Tara who is in a
corner, standing next to a bookshelf with a book in
her hands. She is, however, staring at something else.
REVERSE ANGLE:
Willow at the table, concentrating hard on the apple,
trying some magic. It isn't working.
Giles notices Tara.
GILES
Are you still worried?
Tara shrugs, takes a second look at Willow.
TARA
I mean, everything seems okay now
but.. it's just this feeling I get,
that the thing that got her to that
place? It doesn't go away just like
that.
GILES
No, I suppose it doesn't.
TARA
(turning to Giles)
I'm afraid that, over time, she'll
go through the same thing all over
again and she'll end up back in the
same place.
Tara turns back to look at Willow. She thinks for a
beat, then.. resolved.
TARA
I can't let that happen again. I
mean, I have to be stronger. I have
to be the one in control. If it
comes down to it, we'll just have to
remove that one thing, the trigger,
that made her cross over in the
first place.. with Glory, with
Solomon.
GILES
Sounds logical. What's the trigger?
TARA
(quietly)
Me.
Tara walks off-screen, leaving Giles looking on with
concern.
ANGLE : BUFFY, XANDER AND ANYA
Xander and Anya sitting on a couch, Buffy in a chair
close by.
BUFFY
And then I went 'do I have to be a
certain level of ugly to join?'
Xander is not listening, lost in his thoughts. Anya
simply looks confused.
ANYA
(to Buffy)
I don't get it.
BUFFY
Because, you know, vamps are all
bumpy and..
ANYA
I get that part, but why would you
want to join them?
BUFFY
(giving up)
Forget it. These quips don't come
easy you know? I have to like make
them up on the spot.. facing
impending death. I hope the vamps at
least appreciate the lengths I go
to.
(taking a look at Xander)
And you can tell catatonia boy over
there the same thing when he wakes
up.
XANDER
(finally breaking out of
his thoughts)
Huh? What?
Buffy exits off-screen.
ANYA
So, have you thought about what I
said?
XANDER
For the last time An, we're not
going to see a therapist.
ANYA
But this isn't normal.
XANDER
An, it's only natural for couples to
slow down over time, you know? A
relationship doesn't have to be all
about..
Xander takes a furtive look around the room, turns
back to Anya but can't get the word out in present
company.
ANYA
(helping out)
Boinking.
XANDER
Shh. Keep it down.
ANYA
But when we first started going out,
we were doing it over and over and
over and over and..
XANDER
I get it An.
ANYA
And that was just the first day.
XANDER
That's just a phase, you know? Our
carefree youth?
ANYA
My God! There's a phase? You mean,
there are people who just .. stop?
XANDER
Not stop. They're just pacing
themselves. It's like running a
marathon see? Once a couple know
they're in it for the long run, they
understand that they can't sprint
all the way to the finish line.
ANYA
But I want to sprint. I want to be
all hot, sweaty and out of breath.
If I can't do that, what's the
point? I may as well sit back and
watch the whole thing on cable.
(a beat, then)
Are you sure you shouldn't get it
checked out. I know everything's
fine on my end.
Dawn enters, hopping onto the couch next to Xander.
DAWN
Get what checked out?
A panicked moment from Xander, then..
XANDER
(nervous)
My plant. We were talking about
plants. I was just telling Anya that
a healthy, normal plant doesn't have
to bloom three times a day.
ANYA
But..
(off Xander's look)
this plant.. is hiding in the
darkness, where nobody can see it. I
haven't even seen it for weeks, and
it's MY plant! It needs to see the
sun once in a while, otherwise, you
know, it'll wither and die.
(a thought crosses her
mind, accusing)
It isn't blooming by itself is it?
When I'm not looking?
XANDER
What? No!
ANYA
Or maybe this plant doesn't like the
care and attention I give it. Maybe
someone else is coming in and
watering it and giving it sunlight
and it's blooming for her. A little
cross-pollination?
XANDER
Don't be ridiculous.
ANYA
Maybe that's the reason why
sometimes there's premature
blooming. You know, in spring rather
than summer?
Xander looks mortified at the direction his metaphor
has taken. Willow, Tara and Buffy enter the scene.
WILLOW
What are we talking about?
DAWN
Something about one of Xander's
plants not being able to bloom.. I
think.
ANYA
We've tried everything. We even
rented these gardening tapes to
watch together, but, you know..
nothing.
WILLOW
Why don't you play it some music.
They sometimes respond to music.
TARA
Or you could try talking to it. I
hear that works.
ANYA
Believe me, I've talked to it. It
doesn't respond to anything.
DAWN
Once, I left a plant too close to
the fireplace, and it like burnt up
in a flaming mess.
Xander crosses his legs.
BUFFY
(suspicious)
What kind of plant it this exactly?
XANDER
Oh.. It's a big, big plant.
TARA
Well, Mr Giles is a bit of a
greenthumb. I'm sure he could come
over and take a look if you asked
him.
XANDER
So not gonna happen.
WILLOW
What about pruning? I hear it gives
it new life.
ANYA
Really? I thought you could only do
that to little baby plants.
Xander has had enough. He jumps to his feet.
XANDER
Stop it! There's nothing wrong with
my plant. And it definitely,
absolutely does not need to be
pruned! It's my plant and I say when
it blooms, okay?
Xander storms off, a little embarrassed. A beat as the
girls look at each other, confused.
ANYA
He's a little sensitive about his
plant.
INT. A CINEMA - NIGHT
In a darkened cinema, where a movie is playing. The
screen illuminates the faces of patrons as we slowly
PAN from left to right, past the faces of kissing
couples, laughing teenagers and eventually to Flix and
Trix with their dates.
The twins are not watching the film, giggling and
snuggling with their dates.
We TILT up to see Sasha and Solomon behind them. They
are watching the film. Sasha happily watching the
film, drinking some suspiciously red liquid through a
straw from a big cup. Solomon watches the film
impassively.
REVERSE ANGLE:
on the movie screen, to reveal they are watching some
teen comedy showing inept vampires being pummeled by
teenagers.
ANGLE : SASHA
laughing out loud with the audience. Totally enjoying
herself.
Solomon continues to stare at the screen impassively.
SOLOMON
Is this what you wanted to show me?
SASHA
Not enjoying it? I find it very
illuminating myself.
SOLOMON
They brought her back you know. Your
little plan didn't work.
Sasha's face becomes more serious. She turns back to
the screen.
SASHA
You still don't understand do you?
We're it. We're at the top of the
food chain. Nothing else matters.
(turning to look in front
of her)
Look at those two.
Solomon turns to look at what Sasha is indicating.
ANGLE : FLIX AND TRIX
Now both feeding on their dates.
ANGLE : SASHA
SASHA
They have the right idea. They've
figured out what to do with humans,
treating themselves to a movie and a
dinner.
(turning to Solomon)
Use them, consume them but never,
ever try to become them.
Flix and Trix turn around to face Sasha and Solomon.
We see the heads of their dates now slumped against
each other.
FLIX
We're still hungry. We're heading
back to the snack bar.
TRIX
Can we get you guys anybody? That
popcorn girl looked pretty tasty.
Sasha shakes her head. The twins leave.
SOLOMON
I saw her still.
SASHA
What?
SOLOMON
Even when she was turned, when the
darkness had consumed her, I saw her
still. She's strong. She's the one.
(turning to Sasha,
menacingly)
Nobody is going to spoil her for me.
Solomon gets up and leaves, leaving Sasha looking far
less jovial. She turns back to the screen.
SASHA
(angrily yelling)
Hey! Down in front!
INT. GENERAL'S MANSION - NIGHT
ANGLE : THE BULL DEMON
from behind as he kneels to reveal the General sitting
on his throne, Tarwin by his side.
THE GENERAL
Now, this is what I call an assasin.
ANGLE : THE BULL DEMON, HATHOS
from in front, head still bowed and kneeling, a giant
scythe in his hand. Behind him we see three vamps
standing guard. Off to the side, in the shadows, we
can see the elven-like girl, still with her hands
chained but this time, not attached to Hathos.
THE GENERAL
But I must say, you're bigger than
what I expected. One could even go
so far as to say that you're not at
all as I expected.
The General studies Hathos suspiciously.
THE GENERAL
One could postulate that you are no
more than an imposter, here to steal
my money on the pretense of killing
the slayer.
HATHOS
(looking up, deep booming
voice)
I am Hathos.
THE GENERAL
Yes, I'm sure you are.
The General nods ever so slightly to the three vamps
behind Hathos. The three vamps raise their weapons,
slowly creeping forward towards Hathos.
Hathos senses them coming. In a flash, his powerful
legs spring him up to his feet and he emits a
deafaning roar. The three vamps stop and cover their
ears, writhing in pain. Tarwin and the General cover
their ears.
Hathos turns and, with a quick swing of his sycthe,
beheads all three vamps in one fluid motion.
Tarwin attacks from behind with his pole-axe. Hathos
senses him coming as well. He flicks his tail,
knocking the weapon out of Tarwin's hands. Another
flick of the tail sends Tarwin flying past the General
into a wall.
Tarwin gets back up angrily as Hathos turns to face
him, scythe readied.
THE GENERAL
(laughing, then to Tarwin)
Stop. I've seen enough.
The General gets up and walks to Hathos, circling him
to take a closer look. Hathos towers over the General.
THE GENERAL
Yes, you'll do. You'll do nicely.
The slayer is in for a mighty
surprise.
The General notices the girl hiding in the shadows.
THE GENERAL
(to Hathos)
And who's your pretty friend?
The girl takes a step out of the shadows, head bowed,
looking very scared.
HATHOS
I bought her from a slave trader a
few years ago. Best money I ever
spent. She tends to my wounds, and..
some of my other needs.
(turning to the girl)
Come here!
The girl is reluctant to step forward. Hathos grabs
the chain and yanks her forward roughly. The girl
stumbles forward and falls to her knees in front of
Hathos.
HATHOS
Sometimes, I have to keep her in
line.
THE GENERAL
I like your style.
The General walks to the girl, standing over her. He
places his hand on the girl's face, turning her face
upwards to look at him. She looks terrified.
THE GENERAL
Maybe, when this is all over, you
can lend her to me for a little
while so she can tend to some of my
needs.
The General smiles at the girl for a beat. Then..
THE GENERAL
But first things first. How do you
intend to kill the slayer? She's
surprisingly resilient, for a human.
HATHOS
My methods change for every
assignment. But trust me, by this
time tommorow, payment will be due.
The General smiles.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT ONE
CONTINUE TO ACT TWO