Episode 12 - Remedial Measures
ACT TWO
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
Buffy and Xander, roaming the woods at night, looking
for something. Xander has a bag around his shoulder.
XANDER
Sure this is the place?
BUFFY
(angry sarcastic)
Oh gee. I can't be certain. I know,
let's check Harmony's map.. just one
more time.
Buffy unfolds a piece of paper in her hands.
ANGLE ON : MAP
A crudely drawn representation of the woods comprising
of a clump of trees and a big red X marked on it.
Smiley stick figures of Harmony and Buffy meet at the
'X'.
XANDER
Yeah, I don't understand how we
could have missed it.
BUFFY
(frustrated, calling out)
Harm, where are you?
HARMONY (O.S.)
(whispering)
Psst. Over here.
Buffy rolls her eyes. She and Xander step over to the
spot where the voice came from, behind some large
bushes.
XANDER
Harm?
HARMONY (O.S.)
Peach pit.
Buffy gives Xander a 'I can't take this' look.
BUFFY
Harm, just come out here.
HARMONY (O.S.)
(slowly, more pointedly)
Peach pit.
BUFFY
I'm not saying it. I hated that
show. Well, everything after the
first season anyway.
HARMONY (O.S.)
I'm not coming out till Buffy says
the codeword.
Buffy will not budge. A moment of silence as Buffy
faces off against the bushes.
HARMONY (O.S.)
(like offering lollies to
children)
I've got lots and lots of juicy
information for you about the
General. It'd be a shame for it to
go to waste. Oh look, I'm totally
starting to forget stuff.
Buffy gives Xander another look. She comes closer to
the bushes, tracking down the voice.
HARMONY (O.S.)
Ouch, there goes one.. and another..
and another. That was an important
little tidbit too. There's another
one gone.. and anot..
Buffy reaches in and drags Harmony out of the bushes
by her hair.
HARMONY
Hey! Hair! Hair!
Harmony dusts herself off and takes a look at Buffy
and Xander.
HARMONY
(contemptuously)
Amateurs.
BUFFY
Okay, spill. What do you know?
HARMONY
Aren't you forgetting something? My
blood?
Buffy regards Harmony for a beat, then turns to
Xander.
BUFFY
Xander?
HARMONY
Eeuuh. I'm not drinking his blood.
XANDER
So not offering.
Xander reaches into his bag and throws Harmony two
packs of blood. Harm grabs hold of them, vamps out and
digs in. She looks up and unvamps.
HARMONY
Gross. This tastes hoofy, not at all
bipedally.
XANDER
It's a sparkling 2001 Chateau de
Bovine. Dark yet fruity. Drink up
Harm.
Harmony shoots Xander a child-like 'I'm so amused'
look.
HARMONY
Still way better than your blood.
XANDER
Hey! I'll have you know mosquitoes
crave for my corpuscles.
Xander suddenly slaps his neck. He takes a look at his
hand, then shows it to Harmony.
XANDER
See! Look at that mosquito and all
that blood. He was totally feasting
on my..
Harmony looks at Xander's blood with a sudden
interest. Xander notices and quickly pulls his hand
back. Suddenly very jumpy.
HARMONY
(to Buffy)
I don't know why I have to live by
your stupid rules. I'm a vampire. I
bite. The fangs are not just for
show you know.
BUFFY
You're officially muzzled okay? This
is the way it's gonna be, otherwise
we're sending you to the pound.
(then brusquely)
Now, what do you know?
HARMONY
Well, you don't have to be all rude
and everything.
(softly)
Ask me nicely.
Buffy takes a beat to absorb this information. She
tries again.
BUFFY
(very sweetly)
Harmony, If you wouldn't mind
terribly, could you please tell us
what you found out about the General
before I ram my stake through your
tiny, tiny heart?
Harmony thumbs her nose at Buffy.
HARMONY
I'm talking to Xander.
(to Xander)
They're making this big deal about
some amulet arriving. They like
totally need it for some ritual.
XANDER
What, like a sacrifice?
Harmony shrugs. No idea.
BUFFY
(from behind Harmony)
What's it called?
HARMONY
(not turning back, sing-
songy)
I can't hear you.
Buffy looks terribly frustrated by it all.
XANDER
Harm, what's it called?
HARMONY
Some weird, disgusting thing.
Maggots? Beggars? Something like
that. Anyway, it's like all they're
talking about down there.
BUFFY
We'll check it out.
XANDER
Anything else?
HARMONY
No, nothing really. Move this, shove
that. It's just one big vampy moving
family down there. Also, there're
these big ugly dogs that totally
smell.
(afterthought)
Oh yeah, there's like this new
assassin in town to kill Buffy.
BUFFY
What?
XANDER
Assassin?
BUFFY
You think you could have mentioned
that at the top of your list?
HARMONY
Why? I mean, it totally has nothing
to do with the General's plans and
all. Just, you know, to kill you. I
would've thought you'd be used to
that by now.
(off Buffy and Xander's
looks)
What? I have to report on that stuff
now?
BUFFY
Here's a good rule of thumb. From
now on, any conversation that has
the words 'Buffy' and 'dead' in it?
Jot it down. Twice.
INT. MR SANDRING'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
CLOSE ON : SOMEONE SCRIBBLING ON A PAD
CHRISTOPHER (O.S.)
But I haven't sent my final report
back yet.
WIDEN :
to reveal Mr Sandring at a table, scribbling stuff on
a pad. As ever, he's dressed all in black, with a sole
white handkerchief sticking out of his shirt pocket.
We see Christopher standing in attention in front of
Mr Sandring. He is carrying a small hard, black case.
MR SANDRING
(without looking up)
I've seen enough. I've recommended
to the Chamber that we proceed to
the next phase.
CHRISTOPHER
You can't. You've only been here a
few days. You simply can't make that
decision just like that.
Mr Sandring looks up at Christopher, surprised at his
tone.
MR SANDRING
(slowly, stamping his
authority)
I can.. and I have.
CHRISTOPHER
(toning it down a touch)
I'm just saying, that we should
perhaps give her more time. She can
be changed to see our ways.
MR SANDRING
We don't have any more time. We need
to have our slayer in place before
the Council election, before we take
control.
(off Christopher's
concerned look)
Don't worry. We've been training our
slayer ever since she was called
when Ms Summers died. She'll be
ready.
CHRISTOPHER
That isn't it.
MR SANDRING
You know she'll never change. You
said it yourself. She had the
opportunity to destroy the General
and his vampires, yet she chose to
save her friend. That is precisely
the kind of weakness that will
undermine the strength of the new
Council. She cannot be salvaged. You
know it.
CHRISTOPHER
Couldn't we simply replace her?
MR SANDRING
What? Are you suggesting we simply
let her go? Put her out to pasture?
Don't you think that would be an
awful waste of resources? Think
about it. Once we eliminate her and
Faith, we can call a further two
slayers to serve us. We would be
unstoppable. We can finally rid this
world of all that is evil.
Christopher nods, but seems very unsure. Mr Sandring
gets up and walks around the table, sitting on the
edge of it and facing Christopher.
MR SANDRING
This new Council that we both
believe in? It's like a watch. It's
made up of many parts, all working
together for a common goal. You and
I are simply one part of the whole,
as is the slayer. Each part has to
be precise, accurate. The heart of
our new Council will only beat if
every single part is working
perfectly in unison. We cannot
afford to even have one defective
component. Do you understand?
Christopher nods. Mr Sandring stares him down,
appraising him.
MR SANDRING
Besides, it's too late. I got word
from the Chamber this afternoon. You
are to eliminate the slayer and we
will proceed as planned. Now, do you
have it?
Christopher hands him the small black box. We see it
has two locks on either side, both opened with a
combination.
Mr Sandring takes the box and gently places it on the
table. He enters the code on one lock and unlocks it.
He looks up at Christopher.
MR SANDRING
Your code please.
Christopher takes a beat, then..
CHRISTOPHER
2-6-1-1
Mr Sandring entes the code and unlocks the box. He
opens it.
ANGLE ON : CONTENTS OF BOX
Set in moulded velvet, we see four small glass bottles
containing a clear liquid and a syringe.
Mr Sandring smiles and turns the box to face
Christopher. Christopher takes a bottle out for a
closer look.
MR SANDRING
Courtesy of the Council lab-coats.
An undetectable poison. One drop of
this into her system, in her drink
or on her skin, and she will be dead
within seconds.
Christopher replaces the bottle in the box, closes it
and picks it up. He turns to leave.
MR SANDRING
Christopher?
Christopher stops and turns to face Mr Sandring.
MR SANDRING
Do your job Christopher. It's what
we sent you here to do.
Christopher stares at Mr Sandring for a beat, then
exits.
Mr Sandring looks on for a beat, considering his
options. He gets up off the table, sits back down and
dials his phone. He wipes some sweat off his forehead
with his handkerchief as he waits.
MR SANDRING
Yes. It's Mr Sandring. I think it's
time to consider sending in our
second crew.
EXT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY (DAY THREE)
to establish.
INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE/DAWN'S ROOM - DAY
We see Dawn looking at herself in the mirror, placing
different outfits in front of her, trying to decide
what to wear. She looks nervous.
BUFFY (O.S.)
(calling out)
Dawn.
Dawn immediately drops the clothes on the bed and
rushes out.
INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE/FOYER - DAY
where we see Buffy at the door, getting ready to go
out. She's looking around for something. Dawn comes
skipping down the stairs. She stops at the last step.
BUFFY
Dawn, have you seen my keys?
Dawn looks arounds and sees the keys on a table next
to the stairs. She picks them up and turns to Buffy.
DAWN
All hail the Queen of Myopia.
Dawn throws the keys to Buffy who catches it.
BUFFY
So says the Princess of Pestilence.
The two exchange a playful look of annoyance.
BUFFY
I'm heading out to Giles'. You
covered for lunch?
DAWN
(with a sigh)
Yeah, frozen microwave meals in the
freezer.
(sticks a mock finger down
her throat)
Nuke and puke.
BUFFY
Hey, there are starving children in
some countries that don't even own a
microwave oven. Just remember, stay
away..
DAWN
(rolling her eyes)
from the oven. I got it.
Buffy notices the look, become a little more serious.
BUFFY
Listen, Dawn. I'm sorry I have to go
out on a Saturday, but, you know,
with what Harmony told us last night
about the big evil assassin..
DAWN
No, I totally get it. I got some
homework to catch up on anyways.
Buffy looks at Dawn for a beat, a small smile.
BUFFY
Okay, I'll try to be back before
dinner.
DAWN
(rushing back upstairs)
No rush.
Buffy looks at the departing Dawn for a second more,
before exiting.
EXT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
to establish.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
The store is closed. We see Willow and Tara browsing
through some of the shelves, gathering some potions
and vials and putting them in a bag.
WILLOW
Sure nice of Giles to let a couple
of witches loose in his magic shop..
you know, without adult supervision.
Tara takes a quick look at Willow.
TARA
We're only taking what we need to
practice some of our spells. I don't
think we should..
WILLOW
Tara, I wasn't being serious.
Quick smiles. Willow looks up and notices the OFF-
LIMITS SECTION of the shop has been emptied. The
cupboards and shelves bare.
WILLOW
(in a jovial tone)
Wow. Giles was serious when he said
he wasn't taking any chances.
Tara looks up briefly, then concentrates back on her
work. Willow looks at Tara, then tries again to
lighten things up.
WILLOW
Hey, maybe if I told Giles that I've
hidden more evily books in our
closet, he'll come over and like,
clean that mess up for us.
Tara gives Willow a look.
WILLOW
Joke.. again.
Willow walks slowly towards Tara, treading on
eggshells.
WILLOW
Listen, there's supposed to be this
big meteor showery light show in
Sunnydale sometime next month. I was
thinking that maybe, if you wanted
to, we could be like camp-out girls
and, you know, camp? We can watch it
together. It's meant to be really
beautiful.
TARA
Sure. I mean, it could be fun.
Willow comes up close to Tara, putting her arms around
her waist. She smiles.
WILLOW
And with you there, it'll remind me
that some of the most beautiful
things in this world don't have to
be so far out of reach.
Tara smiles. Willow leans in and kisses her. Tara
reciprocates for a while, but then pulls away a little
abruptly. She turns away from Willow, and returns to
putting some vials into a bag. Willow looks at the
back of Tara.
WILLOW
Are you still mad at me?
TARA
(turning back to Willow)
Will, I'm not mad at you. I never
was. It's just that.. there are some
things that can't be worked out with
a kiss and a smile.
Willow looks a little hurt. Tara looks away and
finishes putting away the potions.
TARA
I think we have enough here. We
should go.
Tara starts heading off, exiting off-screen. Willow
frowns. After a beat, she follows.
INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT - DAY
As Xander enters the apartment to find the curtains
drawn and the lights off.
XANDER
An? An? Did I forget to pay the
power bill again?
Xander fumbles in the dark. He enters the kitchen. He
feels his way across the kitchen table.
XANDER
(bumping into stuff)
Ow, bumpy.
(touching something on the
table)
Ouch! Pointy.
(touching something else
on the table, squish)
Euhh! Breakfast.
Xander struggles into..
INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT/BEDROOM - DAY
Where we see Anya waiting for him. The room is lighted
by candles and Anya has cleared a space in the floor
where there are some drinks and food placed on the
carpet. Anya herself is wearing a seductive little
nightgown number.
XANDER
An. What's with the wacky?
ANYA
(taking Xander's hand and
dragging him over to the
plates)
Just hurry up and come here.
Xander takes a look at the stuff Anya has laid out on
the floor.
XANDER
What are those, oysters?
Anya kneels down and begins to pour a drink from a jug
into a cup. Xander kneels opposite her and takes a
look around, taking particular notice of all the
candles.
XANDER
An, remember how you said how
unpleasant that fire chief was when
he came over the first time?
Anya isn't paying attention. She hands Xander a cup of
some purply brown liquid.
ANYA
Drink this.
Xander takes the cup, takes a look inside and sniffs
it.
XANDER
What is this?
ANYA
Just drink it.
XANDER
An, I'm not about to imbibe the
unimbibable. If you'd just..
ANYA
(sterner)
Drink it!
Xander immediately gulps the drink down quickly. He
makes a disgusted face.
ANYA
Well, how was it?
XANDER
(a disgusted face,
struggling to get the
words out)
Give me a second. Let me mourn the
loss of my taste buds in peace.
(after a beat to recover)
What was that?
ANYA
Oh, it's a little concoction I came
up with myself. It's six parts
water, two parts orange juice, one
part lime and one part horn from a
Gnockey demon.
XANDER
(mortified)
The what from a what now?
ANYA
It's an aphrodisiac. See, during
mating season, the males shave off
parts of their horns and brew it up
to drink. 18 million Gnockey demons
swear by it.
XANDER
You served me demon parts?
Anya happily produces a horn from behind her back.
ANYA
A horn.
(pointing to a worn area
on the horn)
See, this is where I shaved off bits
of it to put into the drink.
(off Xander's look)
What? It had another one.
XANDER
Anya, you just served me a demon's
horn.
Anya smiles and comes closer, all seductive.
ANYA
Is it working?
Anya puts her arms around Xander and starts to kiss
Xander hungrily.
ANYA
(whispering amidst kisses)
You know, if you want me to, I could
hop into that catsuit and dress up
like a Borg again.
Xander grabs Anya and gently pushes her back.
XANDER
No!
(thinks about it)
No!
ANYA
What?
XANDER
An, you just can't force this. You
can't switch it on like a light.
ANYA
Why not? What's wrong with you?
XANDER
(defensive)
Again. There's nothing wrong with
the Xander plumbing.
Anya frustrated, sits back on her heels.
ANYA
(nervously, quietly)
What's wrong with me?
XANDER
An, there's nothing wrong with you..
with us.
ANYA
Of course there is, you're turning
into a monk. I'm going to be like
Mrs Monk. The bride of Franken-monk.
A monky wench!
XANDER
Okay An, please have the courtesy of
signalling before taking any more
sharp turns off reality.
(taking Anya's hands)
You've got this screwy idea about
what sex is. It's like hardwired
into that head of yours that only
sex equals love. Just because we've
slowed down, doesn't mean I'm not in
love with you. You know, now that
we're both working, we may see less
and less of each other, but it
doesn't mean I don't love you more
and more.
Anya smiles.
XANDER
I'm in love with you during every
hour in a day, during every minute
in an hour, during every second in a
minute and with every breath of my
life. I love you, even with our
clothes on, you know?
ANYA
So, you don't love me less?
XANDER
Not possible.
ANYA
(smiles)
I'm glad.
She hugs Xander for a beat and then pulls back.
ANYA
I know that you all see me as this
money-hungry, anti-philanthropic
girl.. which is all true by the way,
but.. I just wanted to say that when
I'm with you, I don't dote over the
dollar, or ponder over the pound, or
yearn for the yen, or fawn over the
franc..
Xander leans in and kisses Anya to stop her.
XANDER
(smiles)
I get it.
They kiss some more, getting increasingly passionate.
They fall in an embrace onto the floor off-screen. A
beat of passionate mumblings then..
XANDER (O.S.)
Ow!
Xander gets up and reappears on screen, holding the
horn in his hand. He takes a look at it.
XANDER
Horny.
We see Anya's hands reach up and grab Xander by his
shirt.
ANYA
Oh God yes!
Anya pulls Xander down off-screen.
EXT. SUNNYDALE STREETS - DAY
where we see Buffy walking along the street. She turns
to look across the street where she sees a group of
young friends enjoying the sunny day together. Buffy
keeps staring at that scene for a beat as she walks
when suddenly, a panicked guy runs into her. They both
stumble but regain their footing. The guy continues to
run away from Buffy. Buffy turns to face the departing
runner.
BUFFY
Hey! What's the..
She turns back around to see a mass of panicked
humanity rushing towards her.
BUFFY
rush?
Buffy quicly jumps out of the way as the crowd rushes
by, screaming. Buffy grabs a young woman as she
passes.
BUFFY
What's going on?
YOUNG WOMAN
(out of breath, panicky)
Bull.. giant bull! Imminent death!
Have to run!
The young woman runs away. Buffy stares after her.
BUFFY
Giant bull? Where are we, Pamplona?
Buffy keeps plodding forward as people continue to
stream by her. She can now hear sounds of general
destruction ahead of her, around the corner.
She turns the corner to see a trail of destruction, a
smashed window shop here, a trampled car there. Buffy
takes out her stake and runs forward, following the
trail.
She ends up outside a construction site. We see a
half-completed building towering over the site. Buffy
sees a spot where the tall fence surrounding the site
has been pulled down. A tangly mess of metal.
BUFFY
(to no one in particular)
Breadcrumbs would have worked just
as well. But no, not here in
Sunnydale. Everything here just has
to be so big.
EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY
As Buffy enters. She looks around the deserted site,
everything suddenly very quiet. We see various
constructiony items lying around. Steel beams, bricks,
a giant crane with a wrecking ball attached.
Buffy tenses up, sensing something. We see a shadow
suddenly envelop her. Buffy sees it and immediately
dives out of the way as something big falls from
above.
We hear a crashing soung as the object lands on the
ground.
ANGLE : BUFFY
as she slowly gets up. We see a large pair of feet and
the end of a tail enter the foreground in front of
Buffy. Buffy looks up in shock.
We CRANE UP from behind Hathos as we reveal more and
more of his immense body as we travel further and
further up (there's a lot of his body to travel
across). As we travel up, the camera continues to
point down at Buffy, so she becomes smaller and
smaller in our view. We end up behind Hathos' head,
looking down at Buffy, towering over her.
ANGLE : HATHOS
with a giant schyte in his hand, snarling menacingly
at Buffy.
ANGLE : BUFFY
now standing up, taking a look at Hathos, then at the
tiny stake in her hand.
BUFFY
We're gonna need a bigger boat.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT TWO
CONTINUE TO ACT THREE