A Personal Mother's Day "Thank You"

From PFLAG President Paul Himes

To His and All PFLAG Mothers.

With Mother's Day just around the corner I thought it appropriate to write a tribute to my mother and to all out PFLAG moms. I know too well that I rarely show my mother the love and respect that she deserves as a parent. As a PFLAG mom, she commands so much more because she not only shows her love and support for me, but for all gay sons and daughters. Of course, my mother was not this supportive of the community overnight. This mindset evolved over a few, very difficult years.

At the age of 19, during the summer before my sophomore year at WMC, I came to terms with myself, and with my gay nature (I know . . . it was a shock to me too). Just before returning to college that fall, I was outed by my father when he read my journal. At that point, the relationship between my mother and myself consisted of a series of short, tearful discussions, spanning the following months. It was made clear to me at that point that my mother still loved, and would always love me, but she needed time. My mother had always lived in an area where the mass mentality concluded that homosexuality is vile and wrong. As she wrestled with the fact that her son held this "unnatural" mindset, I could not comprehend the reasons for her struggle. As the months past, our tension evolved to a complacent silence.

As with many issues in life, time was the key factor. My patience and determination to resolve things with my mother was greatly increased when I went to the Millenium March on DC. During the march, a mother held up a sign reading, "I love my gay son." I knew that this was the same way I would like my mother to be someday. Occasionally I would mention a boy I was dating, or a Pride event, and slowly this became the norm for her. She no longer saw my life as being jeopardized, but she saw me happier and healthier than at any other point in my life. The only reason for her to note that I was gay was because it was an important issue to me.

My mother isn't planning on waving a rainbow flag or dancing on a float in the next parade, but she comes to PFLAG meetings. I hope my mom realizes how much the little act of coming to the meetings and saying, "hi, I'm Martha, Paul's mother," means to me. Thanks Mom, and to all our PFLAG mothers, thank you for loving us, defending us, and being proud of us.