The Saga of Buckey Schmoltz

<BODY TEXT="#FFFFFF" BGCOLOR="#000000" LINK="#FB040A" ALINK="#FB040A" VLINK="#FB04EC"> <CENTER><FONT FACE="Old English Text MT"><IMG src="//www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/images/buck.gif"> <HR SIZE=5 WIDTH="75%"> <HR SIZE=5 WIDTH="75%"> </FONT><TABLE> <TR> <TD VALIGN=top WIDTH=155> <CENTER><IMG src="//www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/images/links.gif"><BR> <A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/" TARGET="_top"><IMG src="//www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/images/home.gif" WIDTH=73 HEIGHT=46 BORDER=0 ALIGN=bottom></A><A HREF="mailto:phaffenhauser@hotmail.com"><IMG src="//www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/images/email.gif" WIDTH=74 HEIGHT=46 BORDER=0 ALIGN=bottom></A><BR> <A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/1.html" TARGET=target><IMG src="//www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/images/sbutton.gif"></A></CENTER> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/1.html" TARGET=target>Schmoltz Saga: Episode One</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/2.html" TARGET=target>The Return of Buckey Schmoltz</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/3.html" TARGET=target>The Wrath of Gathawon</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/4.html" TARGET=target>The Wrath of Gathawon--Part Two</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/5.html" TARGET=target>The Trial of Flawminidius</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/6.html" TARGET=target>Armageddon in Dimension Mu</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/7.html" TARGET=target>Dr. Morcius vs. THE GREAT SVEN-BA!</A></CENTER></H4> <H4><CENTER><A HREF="http://www.oocities.org/phaffenhauser/schmoltz/8.html" TARGET=target>The Land of Cord</A></CENTER></H4> </TD> <TD> <H1><CENTER>Introduction to <I>The Saga of Buckey Schmoltz</I></CENTER></H1> <CENTER> <HR SIZE=5 WIDTH="75%"> </CENTER> <BLOCKQUOTE><CENTER>The Buckey Schmoltz Saga had very humble beginnings. It was started by a friend of mine (he's given full credit for the first episode) as a way to help all his friends relax at finals time of fall semester in 1997. It was sent out as an email to pretty much everyone he's ever known in his life. It's loosely based upon various episodes of my life that have been outrageously exaggerated and fancified. <P>After the first episode went out, there was a great response, but only from the members of the list who were acquainted with me and with the more recent events of my life. So, when I decided to write a sequel, I drastically cut the list down to people who would understand the story and would want to receive something that wacky. As my life got weirder (sophomore year is always the toughest and the strangest) more of it went into the story.</P> <P>Of course, I couldn't just put my life story in verbatim, so I exaggerated and fancified it even more than had previously been done. I mixed some people I knew into characters, plagiarized great ideas from friends that didn't think fast enough to write and date them, borrowed from pop culture, and generally had a grand old time</P> <P>As the series progressed, I felt the need to take it in certain directions. So I did. Some characters' roles expanded, others moved more into the background, and some of them even learned things and grew. But not much. The point of this entire exercise was entertainment, and there are fewer things more entertaining than immaturity.</P> <P>If you are one of the people who knows me well, feel free to guess who everyone in the story represents. Keep in mind that not everyone represents one single person in my life. Some of them are amalgamations of several people. And don't feel left out if you find that you're not in the story--I left some people out deliberately because I felt that they wouldn't have appreciated the roles I thought up for them. And others would've really dragged down the story. Try to guess which category YOU'RE in!</P> <P>Michael Unruh<BR> May, 1998<BR> </P> <H4>All "Author's Notes" are from the email re-release in May of 2000.</H4></CENTER> <H2><CENTER><FONT COLOR="#FF0000">Characters (In order of appearance)</FONT></CENTER></H2> <CENTER><FONT COLOR="#FF0000"><TABLE BORDER=1> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Buckey Schmoltz</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Evil Protagonist, many incarnations</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Gathawon</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Barney's Chief Agent</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Flawminidius</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Cow</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Nathan "Doc" Frankenstein</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Time--traveling scientist</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>God</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>You-Know-Who</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Smarti McCheese</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Doc's sidekick--drives the Delorian</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Bot-Tem</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Mechanical Demon</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Osterbaby</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Doc's dog</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Dr. Friedrich Phaffenhauser</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Psychiatrist and friend to Flawminidius</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>The Honorable Kaiser Muffin</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Magistrate of Dimension Beta</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Super-dude</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Hero of Planet Moron</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Sven-ba</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Robotic Angel</P> </TD> </TR> <TR> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Lane Lois</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Gay Reporter</P> </TD> <TD> <P><FONT COLOR="#00FF00"><B>Fred</B></FONT></P> </TD> <TD> <P>Talking Cat</P> </TD> </TR> </TABLE> </FONT></CENTER> <H2><CENTER>CAUTION!!</CENTER></H2> <H4><CENTER>To any and all recipients of the original editions:</CENTER></H4> <BLOCKQUOTE><CENTER>I regret to inform you that some of the text has been changed. The World Wide Web has certain standards (for language, violence, etc.) that must be upheld. For this reason I have taken it upon myself to edit the stories. In some cases, major story lines have been changed. For those of you who wish to enjoy the originals, they still exist in their unabridged and unedited form. <P>Simply <A HREF="mailto:phaffenhauser@yahoo.com" subject=Schmoltz>EMAIL ME</A> and request the originals. Thank you.</P> <P> <HR SIZE=5 WIDTH="75%"> This page last tweaked on 12 June, 2000.</P></CENTER></BLOCKQUOTE></BLOCKQUOTE> </TD> </TR> </TABLE> </CENTER> </BODY>