----- Original Message -----

Sent: Tuesday, January 09, 2001 2:00 PM

Subject: "The Fire of God's Love".

Thank you Cyndee for your insightful message again today. I've hungered and thirsted for the pure truth since the day I believed in 1974....

As a baby in Christ, I began my walk with the Lord with the pure, innocent faith a child has for it's daddy, and I saw, and experienced wonderful things in and through my life during those precious, tender years. He said it, I believed it, and that settled it. My faith was pure and powerful, because of this unsophisticated awareness.... that He would never lie to me. I didn't filter His Word through any form of fleshly intellect, because, I was so honored to be His child, and no one had to tell me His love for me was real, that is... until I began to listen to, and follow man's ways of serving Him.

When I first received Jesus and gave Him full control of my life, I had no friends at the time, and I didn't know about church, and Christianity, and Bible studies. I received Jesus sitting on the toilet seat one afternoon, with a Bible on my lap I wouldn't read. I had just witnessed my seven year old daughter being led to Jesus, on our living-room couch, by her vacation Bible-school teacher. Now here I was, locked away in the bathroom, for privacy, struggling to read the last paragraph in this Bible that was given to me once many years before (back when I lived in a world of sleeping with any man that would have me, and many other abominations, to many to mention... ALL under the Blood.)

I was twenty years old at the time, and I'd never learned to read. I held this Bible to my breast, pressed in close to my heart. It was the only thing I knew, representing God, that was pure and truth... And I cried out to God, asking Him to please, tell me, if He had me anywhere in His plan. He excepted my pure little daughter's heart, but could He ever except me, and mine? Life had been so hard for twenty years, but the last paragraph of the Bible told me that day, that this was not all there was to life... AT ALL!

Even though I couldn't read the Word, for seven years the Lord taught me His Will and His Way through nature (He taught me how to garden), and He taught me through dreams/visions, and I heard His voice, and I knew His voice like I know my own. I had no doubts when He told me to do this or that, or go here or there, I just trusted and obeyed. He conversed with me all of the time, about everything; we chatted thought by thought, about EVERYTHING. It was so wonderful... so natural... so precious. I just figured all that time that everyone that knew Him knew what His voice sounded like.

In 1981 the Father spoke to my Being, and He gave me the Calling for my life, and the reason I was born. I was in the pasture hosing down cow manure (to organically fertilize it) when He spoke to me in a much different way than I had ever heard Him speak to me before. I was never the same after that day........

I started going to church, because the vision/Calling included His Body.........................

Many years have passed, and many things have happened in my life that I believed, with all of my heart, would have been different than the way they turned out. It has been like a living hell this past fifteen years of my life, but now I understand why.....

MY plans, from the way I learned in the church to interpret God's Word, were NOT what came to pass at all, no matter how hard I tried to make them happen. How I learned to, and I tried to manipulate, and mix, and combine what the Word said... to get the results I wanted, based on the promises I still know today are mine. I followed instructions, from whoever was teaching at the time, to the tee. I followed the prophet; the preacher; the teacher; the tape series; the Word study.... And, at the end of it all, I was left in a heap of destruction, confusion and disappointment, to the point of loosing the identity I had once known so well in Christ, and instead, I found myself formed/conformed into an image I was told I should be like; it had a little bit of everyone in it. I looked like, but I didn't act like, God.

What a mess! I was so deformed and spastic as I performed what I thought was God's will for my life to fulfill this Calling He had placed on my life all those years ago. I did ALL OF THIS with all of my heart; with all of my strength, and God knew I believed I was doing the right thing... so, He pulled me out of it ALL, and began to purge me of the contaminants and toxins that had infused, and ingrained it's way into my Being (spirit, soul and body). His goal was to bring me back to where I first believed, where I first loved Him as my Daddy, with a bonus!

One of the many, many things He told me, and taught me during this time of purging, was to find myself in one or more of the seven churches mentioned in Revilation. I found myself right away in the first church; I had lost my first love.

For so long now I've only been fed the pure Word of God, through the Bible and NOT by man. I've been isolated away from all teachings and even Christian music, as God's cleaned off the chock-board of my mind from what had been scribbled all over it for 27 years; doctrines and traditions of men. The Lord told me that he wanted me to not listen to anyone or anything speaking about Him, unless His Spirit told me I could, because so much in the Church was corrupt. Even much of the praise and worship was nothing but performance and recognition, greed and idolitry.

People I had known and loved with all of my heart in the Church persecuted me for not going to church, until they finally wore out and gave up on me. Once friends, would send me emails with prophecies and "Words from the Lord" to tell me I was in rebellion and sin... I would delete them. For two years I have been pulled away from His Body (except for two people), and here, in this place, after all of this time... My Father has finally brought me back to Him.... my first love, and the joy of my salvation.

And then.... an email came just a few weeks ago from one of those two people I mentioned, and it was from you. The Holy Spirit told me to open it and, "to eat"....

God has been sending me small meals of His Word through you, Cyndee, and I feel a new and fresh atmosphere opening up now as He brings me back into His Body with a NEW HEART (not fixed or mended). I'm on the way back to where I once believed. I'm coming back to that child-like faith, but I now have a bonus as well. I have, with that child-like faith, a maturity in my faith that was missing before. It took all of those trials and tribulations for my Father to really prepare my life for that Calling He knew He had for me from the foundations of the earth.

I get both, we all do... what a blessing. It never has been about me changing anything, but just believing. He did work it all together for good, and all of His promises are what we learned they were. The difference is, HE is the author and the finisher of our faith. And through it all, HE kept me there, NOTHING could separate me from His love.

He is putting EVERYTHING in HIS order, like He has told you to tell. I bear witness to that. And, when I see now that He has a people that operate in His love (for real), and when I see now that He has raised up people with transparent humility, I am even more humbled and encouraged about the work He has done in my heart.

I believe the Lord has put you in a place of honor and respect, Cyndee because He knows you will give him the glory. I believe He is going to do this for many coming out of the fire, such as I. I too have so much to share, when the time is right, from all I have learned in and through this place I have been.

I pray the Father's blessings on you today, Cyndee. I pray that His Wisdom will continue to come forth in revelation to those who are ripe to receive it. May it bring NEW strength to their hearts and minds, and encouragement, and fresh purpose for them to continue on now towards the Calling He has placed on their lives. May they mount up like an eagle; may they soar on the breath of His Spirit; may restoration come for all it has cost them while they were in "The Fire of God's Love". And, may He use them to minister His faithfulness to all of those in their sphere of influence; may His Word be demonstrated in the way they live their lives... as an example of His life in them.... and my it ripple on and on.

I learned how to read, and I spent seven years of that time writing my story of all of this; it's in 60 volumes. Maybe someday you'll read it, huh?

Valerie Jo

Gentle Reminder From the Lord by Cyndee Pillow

I walk in the evenings on a track where there are many others also doing their exercise. Tonight I noticed a woman running with an unnatural curve to her body. I began to pray, "Lord, heal that woman, and straighten her out. Lord, I don't need recognition for praying, but Please let her know You Jesus, healed her."

After praying, I heard the Lord begin to speak to me. He said, that my prayer was SELF-LESS. (Self was Less than Him.) Well, I admit that I have prayed far more prayers with self in mind, so I am not boasting at what He said to me but getting to a point. He reminded me of something we should all be reminded of daily. He said:

"My Spirit that dwells in man is a gentleman. He NEVER points to himself. He ALWAYS points to Jesus. He will NEVER take credit for anything done, and will go out of His was to avoid recognition so as to give ALL GLORY to ME!"

He showed me the church and those that have set up kingdoms, dominions, and thrones. He showed me the times that I lost my rewards for vain glory. This was not done by a sinner on the street bound in drugs, alcohol and perversion. This was done by a Christian that claimed to be SPIRIT filled and SPIRIT led!!! He showed me that we indeed have not been Spirit led if we have demanded in our hearts to obtain recognition for any thing we do or say. We have been of another spirit that was NOT of the Father of lights but of darkness.

Sobering as it may be to us, we must face the fact that we have coveted the Lord's glory. We were not walking in the Spirit of the Lord at those times. "If we are led by the Spirit we will only point to JESUS!!!

Much of our so-called spiritual services and deeds, were not of the HOLY SPIRIT at all. The lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and the pride of life most times entered in and Jesus stood afar waiting to be noticed. We carried on with our heads held high not knowing that we were standing in the place that belonged to the King of Kings.

"Dear Lord, we acknowledge that we have sinned against you by not being led by the Spirit. We have indeed coveted your place on the throne, and we have shoved you off of your rightful seat. Forgive us of our ignorance. Cleanse us and we submit now to the Spirit that you have given. We submit to the Holy Spirit our teacher that will ALWAYS POINT TO YOU!! We reject a WRONG spirit that would try to set itself up in our hearts. We choose to serve you and lift you up for the rest of our days.

In Your name, Jesus. Amen"

God bless you friends and relatives.

Cyndee Pillow

iclight@tcac.net