| 12 December 2002 I feel absolutely sick at the thought of our gig last night. I felt absolutely nothing on stage. It was completely uninspiring. Our worst gig ever. We'd spoken to Graham too much beforehand. We were all outta time. Neither me or dom were singing well. the only thing that held us together was d's sober drumming. I hate using other people's equipment. By the way we didn't make it to the final. I'm completely disillusioned with the whole rockstardom thing i'm on about. we were just way too loose. the songs were fine, but we rarely pull it together on stage. i felt really quite numb last night. of course some positives came out of it. i can't be fucked trying to think about that sort of stuff though. 4 December 2002 Had an absolutely amazing practice today. It seems as if us guys are half decent as a team now. Only took what 2 years to bring it all together. But we played Somnambulance, a reworked version of Climbed into an Oubliette, Beautiful Impossible, PGR, Revolution, A Storm, Dom's guitar song and a new unnamed song about things not being able to keep still. But absolutely everything we played sounded of a really high standard. It's gonna be hard to pick out the song's we're gonna play for the gig. But the new song really worked well even though it was the first time brought to the band. And it doesn't sound like stuff we've done before so we're expanding which is good news. I don't know what the other guys thought of the new song but to me...a few bits and pieces of what i pictured for the song came together in the first go. 2 December 2002 Looks like i'm writing here more and more often...which is probably a good sign...it means something musical's happening. a friend told me quite directly and quite honestly that i do try to sound like thom yorke very much...very very much...although the last time she heard me sing was battle of the bands a year and a half ago...hmmm. but cos she's a singer herself and an absolutely amazing singer at that, i really do respect her opinion with all things with regard to singing. so i'm going put myself under an experiment and try to find my vocal identity because now it seems like a whole obvious mixture of influences. it's difficult finding an original voice when it seems all things have already been tried and done. but if people didn't experiment we'd all be boring copycats. but thom yorke simply copied other people when he started out and it was only during maybe the bends/ok computer period that he found his own voice. and fuck look at creed (pearl jam), motor ace (oasis), panash (brown piece of turd smeared across a dog's arse) etc. but they're pretty shithouse anyway. but looking thru my music collection all the bands seem to characterise themselves most strongly through the lead singers voice...bjork, augie march, coldplay, smashing pumpkins, REM, chili peppers. i definitely gotta think this voice thing over. i gotta fuse my influences together until it's seamless maybe. also i need to think more about melody writing rather than singing until something comes out that sounds good because what comes easy is usually unoriginal. 1 December 2002 wrote a new song today. first in a while. sounds kinda poppy, but in a depressed sorta way. the chords aren't all original but i've got some pretty good production ideas for it. 30 November 2002 back. yesterday i started writing a novel. hopefully i have enough patience and determination to get it finished. it's about a man who begins to sleep an extra hour each night and finds himself sleeping in later and later but going to bed at the same time. And then he realises what's going on - that he's living one less waking hour each time he goes to sleep and spending one extra hour sleeping. sounds complicated...but it's just hard to explain. i wrote like 3 pages of ideas for it. to an extent pieces of me will be incorporated into the main man's character. tell me if it's a shit idea. 25 November 2002 today was one of the most horrible days of my entire life and i don't understand why. 22 November 2002 I just read over some of these thoughts I'd written down on my computer ages ago. For some of the poetry it feels like the first time i've read it which is terribly eeirie. but i do know that some of it was written in an intoxicated state. but i've put them on the internet because it seems now to be one of my only ways of expressing myself. i've pretty much given up on expressing myself through normal, everyday speech. but i hope to change that one day. just not now. i fear though that once you get into patterns and routines you seem to build barriers around yourself and create obstacles within your mind and start burying yourself in the soil. change is good. change is what i need. ain't this headfuck section becoming more and more personal? it's like i'm developing a certain sense of trust with this thing which is bizarre because this thing isn't really here. it's like i'm communicating to myself or an imaginary person because i dunno who the fuck reads this crazy shit. i'm sure it's a semi-interesting read though. kinda stalkerish sense of interest though. i think if anything i'd be alienating the people reading this rather than bringing them closer. oh well. 20 November 2002 Felt utterly sick today at practice. It's a wonder sometimes that we can actually sound good. I dunno what it is, but my head was about to explode. we need to broaden our repertoire...i'm pretty bored with what we have now. i may change my mind tomorrow though. and the week break from music during schoolies is gonna be alright. i've been listening to a lot of jazz lately and learning jazz chords and stuff. i like jazz. 14 November 2002 Had our battle of the bands thing last nite. was fucking great! we got into the semi-finals which will be held on December 11. last nite was probably our best gig ever. we only played four songs...but it's the best we've ever sounded and played. i was really happy with how beautiful impossible went and somnambulance. and curtain's shitty 'ranger' guitar, which i've changed to 'quangers', sounded as good as any stratocaster. i think my stage movements are more me now. i used to do a lot of thom yorkeish head jiggling but now i'm into kinda swaying my whole body and stuff and looking up at the cool lights and stuff rather than closing my eyes. we've hardly even gone a day since our gig and i'm so fucking hungry to play another one. it's like an addiction but not a self-harming one but like an addiction to sex. you give a little, you take a little. 12 November 2002 Had our last rehearsal before the gig today. everything sounds really really good. Looks like we're getting somewhere with this band. practice today made me realise that we're all good enough now at our instruments to be comfortable with the new songs brought to the band. there was a time when we couldn't make parts because we just weren't good enough at our instruments. learning all these muse songs has really been helping me out with speed and dexterity on the piano and guitar. if we don't re-record all our songs over the summer i will be very unhappy. more so than i am now. 8 November 2002 Had a concert the other day with this year 11 chick band. it was pretty fun. i just played guitar and sang for some of one song. We played Karma Police, Glory Box by Portishead which was absolutely amazing...the singing was fucking brilliant and it was simply perfect and we finished off with sk8ter boi...which was silly but fun anyway. there were sooooo many hot chicks there...believe me. mandeville has about 80 % hot chicks. mmm...schoolgirls. goddammit! there were about 150-200 chicks there and jjesssuuss. i was quite nervous being like one of three males among the crowd. but i'm happy i did it 2 November 2002 Got together a few chords today. Maybe a song will be made out of them. I handed in deferral forms the other day, the fucking best feeling ever. I am finally free. Free to decide my own fate. Whatever I become in 10 years at least i know i did it cos i fucking decided to do it. I can't believe how utterly standard and completely uninventive the direction of my life has been so far. There isn't only one way to be happy. Too many people think like that. You have to have a companion, a family, a house, some money, a secure career, good friends. But who's to say you can't be happy with other things? Anyway...music, yes, had a practice. it was a complete headfuck. nothing sounded good this week to me. i don't know why. maybe i just wasn't in the mood. 30th October i was pretty drunk when i wrote the last entry. But i'm outta the dumps i was in. Finally. we're having a practice tomorrow and recording for the first time since August. 24th October Had a real wicked practice today. Everything was fucking perfect. In my opinion, the best practice we have ever had. The music was damn good. Better Run was absolutely superb with belcha's bass part absolutely immaculate, beautiful impossible has never been so tight, somnambulance was a complete stroke of genius and A storm was messy but still pretty fine. I can actually feel it. If i don't become a musician it's all fucked. Never will i be a career driven type. And i'll become a bum if the music doesn't work out. it's pretty filthy the whole business of making money of other people and thinking in terms of money. i feel pretty down thinking of it. People just leeching off others to survive. Having the big fish eat the little ones. The only jobs that are in my books ethical and fulfilling are the ones that you make other people happy in or somehow complement someones life in, or just simply give something rather than take. That includes musicians, actors, writers, social workers, some teachers etc. but not fucking stocktakers, and businessmen etc. i feel kinda sick thinking about it. i hate money. it distorts everyone's vision. also sex as well. although sex is a pretty damn cool thing, it distracts too many people. love is a good thing though, a worthwhile thing. i'd be happy to invest my life into love. but too many people are distracted by other things. What i want is love, music and a good view of the sky. nothing would make me happier. who gives a fuck how much money you make but yourself. Of course the world is arranged so you require some sort of money but who gives a fuck when you've got enough to live by? The more you have the less you have. The less you have the more you have. i want nothing. the people i know are so cool. i fucking am dead around all people and yet still people stick by. it's nice. i am so desperate to play a gig. seriously I am frothing just thinking about it. gargle gargle gargle. 20th October 2002 borrowed the muse cd off darcy and it's fucking brilliant. i've never really listened to muse properly because of the comparisons to radiohead...but fuck they are good. i'm learning a lot of their songs at the moment. and they're only like the second band after radiohead that i've learnt piano songs off so it's really improving my skill. And since they only have one guitarist the parts are fucking complex. Matt Bellamy is such a fucking good guitarist. I'm been feeling really insociable lately which ain't anything new. it's good for the music though 13th October 2002 had a gig at the empress again. it's a lovely place. it was just me and dom. we played Beautiful Impossible, Climbed into an Oubliette, Somnambulance and A Storm. It was really really good. There were some really nice people there. It'd be good to play a whole band gig there. It's a great place. And the real piano they have there is really teriffic. So all in all, a really relaxed laid back night. 11th October 2002 the new song's going pretty well at the moment...worked on some lyrics and a tune today...some work some don't. was watching some documentary on refugees when i wrote the lyrics. wait, wait, waiting for someone to save me second coming hands of children upturned to strangers/tourists they get nothing but sideways glances resettle humans in terms of corporate worth went to a few different band's sites including the crayon fields, sarah sarah and talkshow boy (an obvious radiohead fan). downloaded a few songs. pretty good shit. it's nice to hear some diverse stuff around. also went to see durbeyfield who were fucking terrific. they played for an hour and a bit and all 15 songs or so they played were really fucking tight. And all very different. they've really loosened up on stage. i remember they used to just stand there for an hour or so awhile ago. I like the direction they're headed. they've introduced two keyboards and integrated them really well in the band. ruby's grace followed...and darcy accurately articulated all my qualms surrounding this band when he said...'they're too blokey'. 8th October 2002 Things are good. I wrote a new song a few days ago currently titled Opening a Mysterious Parcel. All piano...sounds very classical...very downbeat as per usual. Sounds like i heard it before so i'm a little worried. Setlist for Club Evolution looks a little something like this: Revolution or A Storm, Better Run, Beautiful Impossible, Pgr, Somnambulance 2nd October 2002 Finished writing lyrics for the F# Song...now called Climbed into an Oubliette...the new lyrics are in the song section. i made the song about having a claustrophobic headache where so many thoughts go through your head at once that you feel like throwing up. It feels like the most depressing song i have ever written...good stuff! :) 1st October 2002 played at a party. good stuff. i thought it was fun. went nuts. sabba played with us. sound was shit. never felt so uninhibited. got curtain's guitar. kinda depressed at the moment. my savings now holds 70 bucks. 7% of the way to a new guitar. 18th September 2002 A few developments. The chick that we met at the Empress gig finally emailed us back. She said they're booked up till october or something. She said she'd listen to the demo in a little while and when things free up maybe we'll get a gig or two. At Revolver Upstairs!!! Yummy. I also sent our two demo CDs to the Arthouse and am presently waiting for a phonecall back to see when and if we can play. Good stuff. Wrote and recorded a couple of new songs today and finally recorded an old one that's been kicking around. They're called The Recyclable Man, thin legs large head and a perfect smile, F# Song. A lyric I like 'they take you by the hand and sell you by the pound. thin legs, large head and a perfect smile. thin legs, bad breath and a perfect smile.' some good chords came outta thin legs. Outta the 3 songs only F# Song is good. I've got a few ideas for this one. Sounds very bandable. I want this song to sound like a really horrible headache. I am very eager to record again semi-properly this time. 6 September 2002 The gig was fantastic! We were up first so the joint wasn't really packed to the shits but there were a good 25-30 people there, about 15 of which we knew. Highlights for me included introduction/revolution, better run, a storm, PGR/Somnambulance, F# Song, Beautiful Impossible, so basically most of the set. Several people mentioned PGR and A Storm as the standouts. After our finale better run, me and dom got out a couple of hockey sticks and completely destroyed an old school vacuum cleaner and this toy microwave and we fucked up a pot glass. We then got paid and then spent it all on booze and pool. You would have had to have been there to experience it all. There's no way you can put it into words. Darcy brought his minidisc and Belcha brought a mike so we were able to record the entire gig at a surprisingly good quality. So we might pop that on a CD soon. Anyway, i'm in a much more positive mood about this band now that we've actually achieved a few things. Here are some thoughts about what needs to be improved or what worked. This isn't for you, it's for me. Introduction/Revolution: The intro was pretty good, i was particularly pleased with how my guitar scratching sounded at the start. For Revolution i'm in two minds about whether on a recording we should use the mega-distortion we used for it live. Although it does sound brilliant and add an energy to the song, it may be that it's not catchy enough. I think the live performance was fucking great though, Belcha's chunky bass, D's drumming and Dom's lead guitaring were immaculate. Fuck when I opened my eyes after the song I was like fuck how'd we do that? Mute: Mute was a little disappointing. I think it's one of our best songs and most original ones, but it just doesn't come off well as a band song yet. It was very loose and notes were flying everywhere. Although this is a song that is supposed to grow on you. PGR/Somnambulance: This went really well this medley. Dom reckoned the keyboard fucked up on him but I didn't notice anything when i listened to the recording although i wasn't listening for it. PGR was written two years ago, it's still kicking along and people still think it's right up there with the best. Hugh said PGR was the best of the night and Alex also said she liked that one particularly. The transition was really a nice bridge between the two songs. Somnambulance also came off really well. Maybe I put too much distortion on my guitar though. But the chorus's were really good. I fucked up a few bits. But everyone else was perfect. F# Song/Clutchacleaver: The F# Song was a real delight to play. D's drumming is absolutely perfect for the song. It builds so much tension and atmosphere and gives the whole song a definite feel. My lyrics need work. I didn't go crazy enough in the bah bah bit cos i forgot the lyrics for the line before that. But the bit after the bah bah bit, where it goes back to the start of the song was my favourite 10 seconds of music for the night. Clutchacleaver went smoothly but it really needs a few more layers, more atmosphere and more energy. Thanks, But No Thanks/Dom's Guitar Song: I thought these two songs were the weakpoint of the night. They were just filler music for me. I don't think Thanks, But No Thanks is good enough to get as a whole band song without some major alterations to it. Athough they were enjoyable to play, i don't think there's much to latch onto in these songs yet. Beautiful Impossible: This song was going really really well until the end bit where things didn't turn out right. But apart from that I thought this was a strong song. The new keyboard part at the end that sounds like reverse keyboard is really awesome. A Storm: Another highlight for the night. Very tight which is strange considering the song was given to the band only a few weeks before. But absolutely nothing went wrong in this song. A few people liked this song heaps. Alex and Darcy I think. Better Run: We fuzzed this song up so much. It was really terrific to play. And the new bit went off without a hitch. It was really good to end with this one. Next Mountain to climb: Record our material Revolution PGR Somnambulance F# Song Beautiful Impossible Mute Better Run A Storm Clutchacleaver 1st September I am this close to dropping out. i have a permanent headache with university. i don't wanna go anymore. i'm skipping heaps of stuff. i don't care. fuck, i think i'm gonna become a bum. Anyway, gig looks set to be amazing. I'm in a fantastically weird mood in this leadup to the gig. Kinda angry, kinda disillusioned, kinda happy even. I hope this emotion stays with me cos then i can just go fucking nuts when the gig comes along. And we'll get drunk beforehand to make it more entertaining and less nervewracking. Can't wait! You know...i feel like a big change New setlist Revolution Mute PGR Somnambulance F# Song Clutchacleaver Thanks, but no thanks Dom's Guitar Song Beautiful Impossible A Storm Better Run 30 August The gig is slowly approaching! There are a few internal disputes that would be really boring to discuss here. but apart from that i am looking forward to this greatly. There are some new plans for some very entertaining things we're gonna do on stage. Hopefully, we'll entertain everyone and then also impress them with our music. But either way the crowd will hopefully come away with at least one of the two. Wonder what the turnout will be. We're on first which is good cos we can set up and take as long as we want with levels and stuff, but bad bc maybe ppl who are coming for other bands won't see us. oh well. their loss. 25 August Had quite an amazing practice last Friday. Everyone but D practiced cause he was a bit sick. But i got kinda frustrated halfway and then didn't really wanna do anything. We went absolutely nuts with the distortion on a few songs which was pretty damn fun. The setlist consists of 11 original songs. 6 new ones are to be played. Here's the setlist as it stands now: Revolution Mute PGR Somnambulance Thanks, but no thanks Beautiful Impossible Red and Black Apology A storm Clutchacleaver Better Run 21 August Things are chug chug chugging along. I booked us a gig at the Armadale and called up the house of fools, notorious for welcoming Panash for a gig or two, so we might do a gig there one day. So the Armadale, 9-9.45 PM Wednesday, 4th September. Please come. Also two demo cds were made. One with band songs, one with solo songs. If anyone wants a cd tell me and i'll see what i can do. Band CD Mute PGR Somnambulance Better Run Beautiful Impossible Solo CD Mute Clutchacleaver Beautiful Impossible PGR Better Run Revolution Apology Red and Black So yeah, good stuff. I've been arguing with Dom recently about whether or not we should invite people to gigs. Dom wants noone we know there. I want everyone we know there. I kinda get what dom says about it being like a fair or just a gathering of people we know rather than a real gig if there were people we know. But of course people we don't know will go as well. I don't see much harm if there are people we know there. I mean how else are we gonna gather a following? I mean friends of ours come, than they tell people we don't know, then we'll obtain a following. If noone we know comes, how the fuck do we expect word to spread? We aren't fucking famous yet. Of course it's funny picturing like the Chili peppers inviting their friends to one of their wanky concerts when they were starting out, but that's how bands do it don't they? We can't not invite people. If we were to travel to America just with no word about us, how would we expect anything to happen? And fuck we aren't even a talented band yet, so we can't rely on talent to draw people to our gigs. 11th August had a small gig at an open mike night tonight. pretty interesting. there was a real piano there which was refreshing and kinda surprising. me and dom played on better run, then mute solo, then the debut of clutchacleaver. the chick that organises the night kinda liked us i think. So we ended up swapping emails and we gave her our cd. she said she might get us some gigs or something so we were pretty happy. all in all a good night. 4th August Things are looking a little brighter. Recording session number 2 happened a couple of weeks ago and pretty much all songs were improved upon. We even did an old song Apology. I've come up with a new bit for better run just to get away from the verse chorus verse trap that we were getting in. it's now got some nice potential for harmonies. And the new chords aren't as boring as the other ones in the song. There are some diminished ones added for good measure. 18th July now i realise those who come to this site always go to the 'headfuck' section for the latest news. well, the real important news always goes to the news secction and my unimportant thoughts and reflections always end up here, the 'headfuck' section. so travel to the news page to see if anythings really happening with synthescape. We had a massive practice today where things were really fucking good! I'm fucking extremely pleased with the results. We recorded a handful of songs today Beautiful Impossible, Mute, PGR, Dom's Gypsy song which he is calling Somnambulance and Better Run. But fuck we actually did something. Mind you the recordings are shoddy and amateurish, and the mike we used was worth absolutely nothing and our equipment is only satisfactory nothing flash, plus we were underpracticed, not that i'm making up excuses. Somnamulance - needs a few more harmonies, a few mistakes in timing and shit, but otherwise very rocking and danceable Better Run - Needs a bridge somewhere, maybe a bit more pace, harmonies in chorus needs working Mute - maybe too loose at the moment. it's a weird songs which uses all but one of the 13 semitones in an octave. so notes are flying everywhere. some vocals need fine tuning. I like the fast pace we had for this one PGR - the ending is fucking wonderful! a few stray notes here and there. but its as tight as a monkeys arse otherwise. Beautiful Impossible - Definitely needs to be faster. needs more of a groove. sounds a bit monotonous and repetitive, which it is, but i'm sure we can disguise it somehow. i like the effect dom's used. guitar needs reworking i think. ending is out of tune. 17th July Practice tomorrow should be good. really looking forward to our little simulation recording. the song previously known as 'failure', has been renamed 'clutchacleaver'. i have no idea what it means but i'm pretty satisfied now that it sounds pretty catchy. it's now a four minute song with a few new harmonies which i'm pretty excited about. possibly the first band song i've contributed since 'beautiful impossible' 5th july strange turn of events. it looks as if i'm very happy with the band at the moment contrary to what i said on an earlier day. we had a practice today. me dom and d. belcha's in lorne. pretty much we worked on three songs. my favourite, Mute, my next favourite, beautiful impossible and a real rocking song dom has...as yet unnamed i think. d keeps on calling it the gypsy song. at the beginning of the session we seemed to get in the dumps a bit, then people began to cheer up and dom's weird time signature started sounding good. frustrating at first but pleasant later. it looks like we might be on our way to actually recording which we fucking should have done when we started the band. one full practice with belcha and i reckon we'll be ready for a recording. good stuff. i should also stop writing like everything i put down to paper is profound. it is not healthy. 3rd July I have an appetite for simplicity sometimes. i enjoy those pure moments that nothing can contaminate. When you can think about now and now only. you can forget everything ahead of you and everything behind. all you have is your senses. that's why performance is so soothing and liberating. it's like a simplification of life where goals, ambitions and troubles disappear. you forget almost everything. all these sharp, sudden, calming moments that you experience only to be lost the next instant. it's so quiet, peaceful and simple and because of that it makes you happy. And you get so immersed in the moment that you don't even realise that you're happy. until something goes wrong down the track and you get all retrospective and reflective and search through your head for the time you were last happy. happiness is when you can forget about wanting to be happy. this thing is becoming less of a music diary and more of a personal one, hey? my apologies. if i agreed with my apparent love for simplicity then i wouldn't have written the stuff above would i? my very own kinda catch 22. well, i'm here now to express my disinterest in this website. it's distracting me from the real thing the band!! but i'll keep on describing my thoughts and actions anyway. wrote a song today. very non-synthescapey which is a nice change. but almost durbeyfieldy at bits which i want to stay away from. the lyrics are bare and nonsensical but here they are anyway 'the old man in white said why don't you come down from there? i replied with a sigh there are millions dying. ohh... come down come down no no.' also wrote another song with the lyrics 'can you feel through the skin. can't you see i'm dying. is this real?' i'm feeling a little more positive compared to the other day. 29 june here we are. wrote pieces of a song today which was the most spectacular occurence of my day. i don't think we can keep dave myers in the band for now at least. he's never round. how do i feel about the band now? to be perfectly honest, not very good. but i have always had inconstant feelings about this band anyway. i may be happy sometimes but i'm reminded that it's almost july and we still aren't much of anything. i miss performance. performing is one of the few things that makes me happy. its a time when nothing at all matters except the moment you are in and i like that idea. we're gonna have a practice maybe monday. but my patience and i'm sure everyone else's is wearing thin. i hope i'm not discouraging anyone who reads this thing because a few people actually do. and i'm starting to wonder whether this band is just a distraction along with uni, work etc. too many distractions. adrian wrote out on an A3 sheet of paper a type of concept map which i found quite interesting and thought provoking. belcha was fucked when he wrote it out. this map had two real clusters of thoughts. one was about all these distractions in life...sex, drugs and strangely enough food, and the other had things that people really wanted i think like peace, love, communication maybe. and connecting the two different sets of words was CONCENTRATION. and i liked that idea. 9 June had our first practice in soooo long. basically things went very very well. we were able to improvise completely to a song of dom's creation and came out of the practice actually feeling happy. although it was only me, belcha and dom, it was a pretty productive jam. Jam's a pretty tryhard word isn't it? It feels as if we might all actually be getting good at our instruments. we tried out two of my new songs neither of which worked out that well and dom's new song which we played twice. About 7 minutes the first time and 15 minutes for the next time. i really felt the music. 3 june Well, here we are. A new month. 7 weeks of holidays and i wonder where synthescape will be at the end of it all. hopefully not here. what we need to do is get like our best 5 songs down pretty well and then go to Mark's to record them all. then see what happens with the cd's. but i think one of the band's problems is that we never think our songs are good enough. what we need is positivity. obviously, most of our songs won't be finished until ages down the track but right now what we've got is good enough. 27 may you know what shits me, bands that blow their own trumpet all the time. of course you can do it to an extent without sounding arrogant but fuck there's nothing more repelling than hearing a band talk about how good they are. if at any time synthescape has done that i sincerely apologise because it came to light, not for the first time, that these arrogant bands are really quite filthy and disgusting. confidence and arrogance are easily mixed up. Well, me and dom met belcha's friend graham for the first time last saturday. i mean at first graham seemed like an appealing kinda person, kinda vibrant, kinda lively. but he really started getting on my nerves. belcha has become quite acquainted with graham and he reckons he's pretty cool, dom seems to think the same. but i heard some stuff about him that i really don't like. he's been a real arsehole to a lot of ppl in the past, he's a pretty bad influence and he's pretty boring to talk to. maybe my opinion will change if we give graham a guitar. Synthescape Rock! 26 May 2002 It's been a satisfying week musically. I'm in a really depressed, well maybe that's too strong, a little bit unhappy kind of mood at the moment. And that's always a good source of inspiration for songs. I know noone reads this, but i do enjoy offloading my musical headache to the little pixels on my screen or maybe a square millimetre of computer disk somewhere in the world. It's all temporary but it's like another home for my thoughts. Although placing thoughts down in text is good for developing an idea with clarity, it sort of cements an idea down and it gets difficult to escape from that idea. But what do i care? Anywhere here i am to write down some names of the new batch of songs i've been writing over the past few weeks...just so i don't forget them. The names have little meaning...so don't judge them. Fucked tuning songs morning bell 2 mellow song/fall apart i feel Piano Songs coalesce - f#maj/min eat the money failure...i am naked bodies writhing in money 23 May 2002 It seems as if this diary is useful in helping me order my ideas and encouraging me to write music. For the first time in a long time, i think i could be back in top shape. I partially wrote my first decent and somewhat original guitar song in maybe 6 months. Long time. i think my avoidance of the guitar for the past few months has been terribly useful and liberating. I can now return to the guitar with a renewed zest a la Ed. I think possibly a good idea for me is to change the tuning of my guitar weekly and try to write a satisfactory song each week. I know i can't rely on skill to write impressive songs. I've got to rely on creativity. The tuning i used for the song i just wrote is Eb B G Eb A E. I think i've borrowed this tuning from Coldplay but I'm not certain. Also, i found out through Dom that apparantly Beltrame wrote a song. I'd be very interested to listen to this song but Beltrame can be defensive about his own work. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I just assume that 3 song-writers in the band is better than two. And since our individual musical tastes differ within the band I feel as if writing/plaigirising and then collaborating would produce a vast array of different types of songs. Listened to Lateralus today. I was actually quite impressed. Although melodically the songs aren't catchy in a conventional way, they have really really amazing rhythms. I mean sometimes they seem to overdo it. But the drums are very very unorthodox and they've really capitalised on the rhythmic beauty of the off-beat. And apparantly their lyrics are really fucking top-notch. So maybe i've got room in my life for a new band. But still I'm undecided about Tool. Furthermore, i borrowed a book called 'the piano player's Jazz handbook'. the plan is to try and develop my piano skills and my non-existent music theory. i wonder if i can just learn it from a book. 19 May 2002 I debuted a few songs over the phone to Dom yesterday, something i haven't done for yonks, and he seemed to enjoy a couple of them. It's a hugely encouraging to get some input from others. I think this new isolation booth of mine might be nurturing my creativity. Memory is such a small insignificant thing that is hugely restricting and inhibiting. i wonder if i'd tamper with my brain if it was safe. if i would delete certain memories or certain knowledge tidbits. because sometimes i wonder if knowledge is the source of inhibitions. and everyone has too many unnecessary ones. Also looks like stumbled across a band of a friend of a friend's. Well more like a person my friend knows. I typed in Synthescape at google.com and some site came up for a band called Panash, three-piece pop-punkers from Skevs. It's an interesting site and you should make your own judgment about this band so I'm not going to try to sway any of you into taking my opinion. http://www.angelfire.com/music4/panash/ Interestingly, the my entry into the guestbook remains the lone one. Although I'm not entirely surprised. Synthescape has been isolating itself in the wilderness. 18 May 2002 i think i may be getting in to the groove of things now. i'm writing some new songs, which hasn't happened since last year. however, most of them are fodder to be fed to the animals though. but I remember last year i would churn out songs and every now and then I'd like one of them. that might be what's happening now. The new ones are all piano songs so far. i've named one of them Naked Bodies Writhing in Money. I still like this song I wrote awhile ago...the first of this stream of songs coming out now called Eat the Money. It uses semi-conventional chords and its a bit repetitive. But look at Radiohead...Idiotheque, The National Anthem, Everything in its right place. however these are fucking great songs i shouldn't compare Syntehscape's to. Meanwhile, this fucking computer is now too old to record songs...it keeps skipping...maybe its just cool edit pro...i dunno...maybe tapes are the way to go...i've lost countless songs into the abyss because this computer can't record em. The guitar I have is pure shit. Never ever ever go to allan's to buy anything. Crap service, crap instruments, good advertising. I've lost the zest for the guitar. One, because I'm really mediocre and two it's not a real ambient. That's the semi-acoustic. maybe i need an electric. But i'm sure its just a phase. Talking to Beltrame was interesting the other night. he seems to have a dislike of fame. I wanna know what this is about. There's this new song...with a very strange time signature...instrumental...strange chords...kinda sounds nice. Over the past week I've been bombarded by music and news from a band called Speedstar. I've yet to place my judgment on this band. they have a song called revolution, a very very over-used name for a song. but they've held my interest. We also may be introducing a new member to the band, graham. 9th May Well, a lot has gone through my head in recent times and I've decided once and for all...I'm gonna become a rockstar! I don't care what anyone says...what discouraging comments people give to me...I really don't care anymore. This however may just be a knee-jerk reaction to my unfulfillment. Unfulfilment in everything really. i'm not satisfied with anything that I am. And now I just feel ready to fucking explode. I just checked up on the net details of my course...and to tell you the truth it looks really fucking boring and i can't see the media and comm bit getting any better. I love French. That's all. I wish i'd done Creative Arts or something. I'm so sick of reading stuff and regurgitating it in a somewhat different form. It's so sickening how the world nurtures mimickry. I find it totally headfucking to find an identity. And the horrible thing about uni is that ur obligated to it. And while ur obligated to it, you forget what you really want...whether it be love, a career, friends, satisfaction, temporary happinness. Uni is such a distracting institution. And I don't think I wanna be a journalist. I just wanna be famous and try and make a difference in people's lives. I mean journalism is such a selfish profession. You could also say rockstardom is as well but i'm convinced that music is an unbelievably strong tool for influencing people. Music reaches every single person on this earth. There is this innate love of melody in the human mind. And because of that, music can spread into every single person's soul. When you make music and sell millions, the more important thing to consider isn't how much money you've made but how you've influenced people in the most ordinary ways. I love the idea of one of my thoughts being trapped in other people's heads and then being passed on like contagious diseases. And you'd reach people of every kind. These days the music industry revolves around appearance and little else. But i'd like to be judged on music. So now, I've decided to abort these futile missions to gain weight, get a mobile, job, worry about appearances, my course (?), watch excessive amounts of TV. There are so many more important things I'm looking for. Stardom, recognition, love, peace, happiness. Stardom=happinness? or isolation? Fuck i really don't wanna be standing still. I really don't! It frightens me. Someone once told me that they feared getting old and having all these nagging regrets. And my stupid comment in response at the time was something about how every moment is a good moment and all that matters is now. And now i realise that that's such an extremist idea with little substance or evidence. Now is a moment influenced heavily by everything in the past. Music-wise, a song called naked bodies writhing in money was written. But it seems to be heading down a cul-de-sac. Needs rescuing before it falls into the abyss. What i want is guitar and piano lessons, i want more band practices, i wanna feel commitment, i want to feel spirit, i wanna feel happy and comfortable on stage, i don't want any more frustration, i want progression, i want gigs etc. I want to roll this snowball down the hill. I'm taking this way seriously but honestly, this is one of the last strands of sanity I'm holding onto. I want this too much to let it slip by. I know Synthescape can be good enough to get there. I know we have the personalities, the originality, the talent to get there and fuck i don't wanna waste it on stupid uni courses that lead us in circles. 3rd May Well, we haven't practiced in a long, long time and i'm pretty angry with myself especially. I haven't been able to get this band together. Musically, i'm feeling terribly uncreative. I haven't written a song since December. That was Red and Black...an OK song. Where the hell is this band headed? I hope we have a practice tomorrow and try to sort things out for good. Maybe a new lineup is needed? But I'm willing to give this line-up another chance. I think we need a band meeting...where we get everything in order. Went to this Panash website, a Skev's band, and there were two statements about Synthescape. One which called us Synthefuck pigfuckers or something and also another comment saying they wouldn't bag us before seeing us. interesting. this band is really about to shoot itself in the head out of apathy. FUCK! 20th April In a possibly fruitless quest to get Synthescape together, I have decided to start a music diary. I also have the stupid idea that this diary will somehow be interesting to read when and if we get famous. But it's more about motivating myself and others into making this band actually become a real living entity...not just an amalgam of several bands eg. Radiohead, Radiohead, Radiohead. Well, several new songs are in production...however, at the early stage it's difficult to discriminate the good shit from the bad shit. There's a new song using a quite original chord progression (albeit there's only three chords). But i hope to get this song pumping before it gets lost. A few things have been lingering around in my head about our songs. Here's a list of em first. Relatively developed songs Mute Beautiful Impossible PGR Apology Better Run Revolution Red and Black Potential songs Comes and goes Meditation song Make Believe Point of Perspective Reality F# song Well, direction is the key thing here. Mute needs tightening definitely. Although there is a really creative chord progression there's a certain looseness to it and a messiness to it. And as a full band song it's extremely messy. Maybe simplifying the chords or drowning them out a bit. Beautiful Impossible is quite a delight to listen to. Generally, it's pretty tight as a one-man song. Weird time change at the end needs clarification. Definitely space from some really inventive drums. Lyrics need updating. Maybe too melodic and dreamy. Perhaps some discordant keyboard noise is needed somewhere to break it up. Start and end seem a bit out of date and not as appealing. Intro needs plenty of work. PGR is actually probably our tightest song. Bass is good. Drums are fantastic for the chorus. Keyboard is nice. Dave's lead guitar needs re-evaluating though. Apology is sounding a bit old, a bit too not Synthescapey. But still it apparently sounds alright. Just a bit boring at the moment. Better Run is getting on my nerves. Needs variation. The chords can be simple but not repetitive. Needs breaking up. Revolution hasn't been played in ages. Still a lot of work to be done. Red and Black. Don't know about the subject matter. Nice to listen to though. Very formulaic. |