Are you a Cockney at heart Visit Here For Something Different Have some fun. Pick a Favourite Link And See What Happens? ARMED FORCES OF THE 21st CENTURY In an effort to ensure proper readiness among the military services,Congress has approved the following changes to recruit training: HAIRCUTS: MARINES-heads will be shaved. ARMY-flat-tops for all recruits. NAVY-no haircut standard. AIR FORCE-complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show. TRAINING HOURS: MARINES-rise at 0300, train until 1900. ARMY-rise at 0400, train until 1800. NAVY-rise at 0900, train until 1100, lunch till 1300, train till 1600. AIR FORCE-breakfast in bed, rise at 1000, lunch at 1200, nap at 1400,train till 1600. MEALS: MARINES-Meals Ready to Eat, 3 times a day. ARMY-one hot meal, 2 MRE's. NAVY-3 hot meals. AIR FORCE-catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, supervised by Julia Child; all you can eat. LEAVE & LIBERTY: MARINES-none. ARMY-4 hours a week. NAVY-2 days a week. AIR FORCE-for every four hours of training, recruits receive twelve hours of leave. PROTOCOL: MARINES-will address all officers as "Sir" and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e. SGT Smith). ARMY-will address all officers as "Sir," unless they are friends, will call all non-commissioned officers "Sarge". NAVY-will address all officers as Skipper, and all enlisted personnelas Chief. AIR FORCE-all Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with each other. DECORATIONS/AWARDS: MARINES-medals are awarded for acts of gallantry. ARMY-medals and badges are awarded for weapons ranges passed, fitness tests completed, and schools attended. NAVY-will have ships' engineers make medals for them as needed to dress up uniforms. AIR FORCE-will be issued all possible medals in Basic Training, as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers. CAMOUFLAGE UNIFORMS: MARINES-work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations. ARMY-will wear it anytime, anywhere. NAVY-will not wear camo, it does not camouflage you on a ship. Captains will make every effort to TRY to explain this to sailors. AIR FORCE-will defeat the purpose of camouflage by putting blue and gray service chevrons and name tapes on them. They will also get newly designed and personally tailored uniforms to replace the airline pilot coats they have now. CAREER FIELDS: MARINES-all Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost. ARMY-doesn't matter, all career fields promote to NCO in first enlistment. NAVY-nobody knows. Still trying figure out what SMC, BNC, BSN, and all the other weird ratings mean. AIR FORCE-recruits will receive skill training optimized to prepare them for higher paying civilian jobs. A group of Marines were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. Soon, they are falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures, etc. - the whole project was really a mess. An Air Force guy comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the Marines, and walks away. After the Air Force guy left, one Marine turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an Airman? Here, we're trying to determine the height and that dummy gives us the length!" "Thank God I'm a Marine." The men of Charlie Company had been in the field for two weeks when the Sarge announces, "I've got good news and bad news. First the good news. Today we're going to change our underwear." The troops start cheering wildly. "Now the bad news," continues the Sarge. "Sanderson, you change with Jones. Andrews, you change with Murphy..."