[Grabs the bag of songs] Hello, I'm Johnny from Razorlight and I'm taking a song out of the song basket...box...envelope!
SONG 1: 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' - Kylie
Johnny: What a fantastic song. It was written by that mad, mad Cathy Dennis, and it just doesn't get out of your head, does it? It's a beautiful song. I like pop songs if they're really good, and I think that's a really good song. You can get more pop than that, if we're talking about melodies, but it works so well. It's very pop, in a popular music sense.
SONG 2: 'Insomnia' - Faithless
Johnny: I saw them play it live once at a festival and it went on for about half an hour. That's all they did. I don't like house music. I do like music in my house, though!
SONG 3: 'Strict Machine' - Goldfrapp
Johnny: Oh, I quite like that. How does it go? I'm aware of the concept Goldfrapp. She's that bird who...[tails off, and TOTP explains her sexy robot act to the band]. So she's Electroclash? Wasn't that a genre that came and went very fast!
Christian: I'm sure I'd like this song in some way, if I ever heard it.
Johnny: I quite like it, but it's not very good. There's not much thought, just a lot of ripping off.
SONG 4: 'Hey Ya' - Outkast
[All of band murmur their approval]
Johnny: This was the best song of last year. I know all the words, every ad lib, and our version of it is better than theirs, according to the Radio 1 website poll. No, not even the website! Just the Radio 1 poll, the Jo Whiley poll. Our version is the best version ever recorded ever. A brilliant pop song and dance song. They did 'Miss Jackson' and, er, other things like that. So they must be great.
TOTP: So they're like the acceptable face of R&B for you?
Johnny: I liked that song by Beyonce that was at number one for ages and went [to the tune of 'Crazy In Love'] "uh muh nuh muh Razorlight now, uh muh nuh muh Razorlight now..." Can I ask you a question? What does R&B now stand for?
TOTP: Well it was rhythm and blues, but it's not really any more, is it?
Johnny: Rap and bulls***? When did it change? Where's the rhythm and where's the blues? Well, the rhythm element is there, but where's the blues? I think they THINK they have the blues.
SONG 5: 'Toxic' - Britney Spears
Johnny: Ahh, that's a terrible song!
TOTP: Are you keen on the concept of Britney in general?
Johnny: Of doing what with Britney? If she's just there, not moving? She had one good pop song, didn't she? The first one, and then the rest of it was just a load of nonsense and not even as good. But I think she's quite cool, actually.
SONG 6: 'Sweet Child O' Mine' - Guns 'N' Roses
Christian: Guns 'N' Roses are much cooler than Britney Spears. 'Sweet Child Of Mine' is just amazing. I just love the fact that every kid apart from Johnny learned that riff on the guitar. Although I didn't learn it either! A lot of kids do.
Johnny: The kids that don't make it in bands do, cos that's all they do is spend all their time going [sings twiddly guitar intro] deedle deedle deedle deedle... Anyway, brilliant song, even better album!
SONG 7: 'Year 3000' - Busted
Christian: Haven't heard it, assuming it's horrible!
Johnny: We met them the other day at the Depot. They're really cute guys. I fancy them all, but I don't know that song.
SONG 8: 'Left Outside Alone' - Anastacia
Johnny: Aah, Anastacia's the worst. Horrible voice.
Christian: I think we'd be doing the world a favour if we killed her.
Bjorn: Ha! We beat you in the singles chart, MAAAN!
Johnny: No, she went to No.1
Bjorn: Oh right.
SONG 9: 'Take Me Out' - Franz Ferdinand
Christian: Do we wanna talk about this one? It's got a great intro, and the intro should come back at some point, but it doesn't.
Johnny: Great song, really good pop song. I could not imagine how you could rip off 'Low' [ancient David Bowie album] and Blondie in such a good way, and make it sound so fresh and original. Without putting any soul into it and still making it sound good.
Christian: That's called a backhanded compliment.
SONG 10: 'Summer Of '69' - Bryan Adams
Johnny: Everyone knows the chords to this one [quickly] apart from everyone in this band! And it's a horrible song and everyone hates Bryan Adams. I'd punch him if I ever see him.
SONG 11: 'Ordinary World' - Duran Duran
Bjorn: [Sings the chorus] "And if I tryyyy to make my wayyyy"
Johnny: Oh, WHAT was that all about?
Christian: I dunno, it made sense when I was 13!
SONG 12: 'Dancing Queen' - ABBA
Johnny: Yeah, I hate ABBA. Hate ABBA. But I can speak Swedish.
[Band's Swedish members look on, bemused]
Johnny: [sheepishly] No, no I can't. But I can sing some [launches into a Swedish song we don't know].
SONG 13: 'Hangin' Tough' - New Kids On The Block
Johnny: Oh, brilliant song, brilliant. Actually, it's not very well known but I wrote this. Because it's quite well documented that he stole a lot of his songs, and I actually wrote this with my mates in the playground when we were about eight years old. Marky Mark was hanging around, and he went into court and he said "God wrote it for me!"
SONG 14: 'Like A Prayer' - Madonna
Christian: This is just a marvellous, marvellous song. The first woman I ever fancied was Madonna in that video.
SONG 15: 'Back For Good' - Take That
Johnny: I was so in love with this song when it came out. I hate to say it, but I was. The first single I ever bought was 'China In Your Hand' by T'Pau, so there you go. What was that song all about? [rattles off lyrics very fast] It was a dream she had on a scheme he had sold in a foreign land, to take life from love in the second blood while the man was in command. What the f*** does that mean? Anyway, Take That 'Back For Good' was great, and when you bought the greatest hits you got a free badge as well.