The beauty that I am

By: Denise Campbell

September 24, 2002

What have I done for you to hate me so?

You have disgraced me

Insulted my intelligence

And forced me to turn away from you

I have stood by your side for a hundred years

And for another hundred years I will roll over in my grave

Still loving you

Still standing by you

Like a queen who knows she has lost her king

As dry tears burn like wild fire and dry the rivers of my soul

I will miss you

Each day without you is filled with emptiness and memories of what was

And what was destined to come

But what I gave you was not enough

Who I was to you meant nothing

How can you say you love me when lies roll off your tongue like raindrops?

How could you take knives and daggers and rip me apart so carelessly?

Taking my heart and your broken promises

You broke my heart a million times over when you laugh in my face as I ask

What about your promises?

What about your trust and loyalty?

When did you decide you care so little for me that the tears I cry no longer break your heart?

My Nubian soul mate

The one that I will love for a thousand lifetimes

The one that I have willingly handed my heart over to

The man that I can no longer look at

Shame and sadness fills me and I feel soiled

I can no longer look at you because the love that once shined so brightly has been put out

I hang my head in shame knowing you have disgraced me

The pain I feel is unparalleled to your worst nightmare

And I must bare this lost knowing I once had your love

Knowing that there was a time that your heart only beat for me

A time when time nor space

No energy, nor vibe

No divide could cast a wedge between us

Knowing that there was a time when making love to you could heal all wounds

When your touch could bring about multiple orgasmic forgiveness in the form of my river over flowing just for you

My love

Who am I without you?

Yet I know that to continue to be with you now would kill what’s left of me

How could I be satisfied with substandard love?

Disrespect and abandon

Reckless shame and disgrace

Is this all you have to give to me who scarified my soul just to love you?

I who walked through fire and moved mountains just to taste

Just for a moment

The sweet reward of your lips

As I reminisce on the passionate love I find so hard to let go of

I am torn by the dislike and hatred that is growing inside my belly for you

Sadness has crossed my path as I no longer know how to move one

Let or

Or be alone with you

A pain is rising inside me because I no longer want you

And now I must learnt to let go of the love I once built my dreams around

I know there is no way to forgive abuse

No way to love the face of a stranger

No way I can ever allow you to touch the magnificence of this body because I can no longer allow you to keep the keys to my heart

I must now mourn you as if you had died

Because you have killed the love that was unbreakable between us

I mourn you as a widow who stand above her beloved and drop the final rose

Because I cannot allow the poison in you to ever destroy

The beauty that I am