Black man gone bad

July 18, 2002

By: Denise Campbell

I know him so well

Better than he can ever imagine

I see him wrapped in his world of confusion

Toss into a society as if falling from a high building to his death

He does not see me

Or hear me

Though he listens

Listens to my cries and pleas as I repent his soul

He is deaf to my screams and blind to my tears

He is everything I hate and love and despise

Everything this world talks about yet lies

They talk about the enemy they created

And school our minds to the ones who should be hated

US!

It is you and me that is him

Our forefathers and even the God who was sacrificed for our sin

He is the masterpiece of this here Babylon

Sporting guns and knives that were placed under his skin when he was born

He is my worst nightmare and I need him

Need him to remind me of what his world should not be

I see him in my dreams

And romance him in my sleep

He is the lover

The fighter

The killer and the drug dealer

He is the one who feed poison to our babies’ souls and steal their lives through their veins

He is the father

The son

Everything you wish to hate and love

Feelings feelings until there is none

He is lost and he walks the beaten path of blackness and death

And wonders who will take his soul

Who will trade their evil for his as the cycle of the lost brother continues?

Love

Love

I have grown to love my predator

Everything mommy has ever warned hr little girl to fear

Yet his own mother does not know the evil she holds dear

The honey suckle sweetness she harbored in her womb

The curse of mankind she will die saying, “he is innocent”

Or so she will assume

He is my rapist

The one who bound my tiny weak hands and stole my innocence

He is my mentor

The one who teaches me to fear my own black man

And seek refuge in the arms of another race

And yet I cry

Cry for him that I love and hate

Cry because his soul is alive and kicking and he hears me

He cannot cry tears

But his heart is drenched in regrets and sorrow

I reach out my hands and whisper, “I need you”

But he turns away

Because somewhere deep within him he does not believe he is truly loved

He is afraid to accept love

Because he does not believe he deserves love

The gatekeeper of his own forgiveness

He keeps himself locked securely between invisible iron jail cells only he can see

And I watch as he tosses the keys that could set him free into the abyss of oblivion

And I am forced to die with him

My predator

Who did not realize that walking away would have released the sorrow I have buried within my breast for him and he would have freed me

The cycle continues

And the seed he planted will grow

And as I watch him leave me

I sigh

And love him who I fear

Because I know him so well