Heather's story, "that dreadful day"

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January 28, 2001, Superbowl Sunday. This day would change our lives forever, my firstborn daughter would earn her angel wings. My husband, Chuck, had just returned that morning from a business trip to Florida. Later that afternoon, we went to our friends house to watch the Superbowl game. Heather had left the previous afternoon after work with her best friend Emily to visit their other best friend Kari, who attended Ball State University. Kari had been feeling depressed and homesick, and her two best friends had wanted to go and cheer her up with a visit since her birthday was that coming week. Heather and Emily were both college freshman at the University of Indiana Northwest, but lived at home since IUN was only a half hour from us.

That Saturday afternoon before, Heather got home from work and quickly came down the stairs with a small overnight bag and asked if she could drive to Ball State. She told me that they would be going to Indiana University in Lafayette to visit friends the following weekend and that Emily would be driving then, so she wanted to take a turn this time. Since most of their friends were away at school, they would often try to spend the weekends there as often as their work schedules would allow. Every other time, 3 other kids would always go with her. Heather was six weeks shy of her 18th birthday, and as any mom, the thought of her making the 3-1/2 drive to Ball State made me a little nervous, but she had driven to the away colleges before. She was very responsible, had gotten straight A's her first semester in college, and worked part-time as a bank teller. She had her license for almost 2 years without any problems, and drove the expressway to school each day, so I knew she wouldn't have taken no for an answer anyway. I asked why was she leaving so soon, and she said they wanted to get there before dark, which I also felt was a good idea. We kissed and hugged at the door, and I told her "I love you, be careful", and she responded, "I love you too, I will". I then watched her throw her bag into the back seat, get in the car, and drive away around the corner. This was the last time I was to see her alive.

While watching the game, we had noticed that it had started to snow outside. It was about 5:00, and I knew Heather would be enroute home then, as she always would get back home before dark. I called her cell phone to tell her to be extra careful with the snow falling, you know how us mom's worry, but all I got was her voice mail message. I kept calling her every 10 minutes or so, and kept getting her voice mail. When it got to be past 7:00, we started to get very nervous. I tried to call Kari's mom to get Kari's number to check with Kari as to what time they left, but she was not at home. We went home, and I kept getting more and more nervous, knowing something was wrong. Heather's boyfriend, Adam, was also calling our house, also very nervous, saying she should have been home by now. Just after 9:00 p.m., we heard a car pull in the driveway, and my daughter Jenny yelled someone was here. My husband went to the door and turned and said to me, "it's a police car". My heart instantly sank to the floor. The policeman, a chaplain and Emily's dad Rich came in the door. My husband asked "Where's Heather, is she o.k." The policeman said there had been an accident. My husband then asked what hospital were they at, are they o.k., and the policeman just sunk his head. Jenny yelled out from the stairway 'She's not dead, is she!" The policeman didn't have to say a word then, his face said it all. I then asked "What about Emily?" He replied that she was gone also.

Total shock and anger took over in me that instant. I started yelling at the policeman how dare he come to my home and tell us such a horrible lie. He said we needed to go to the hospital to identify her. I told my husband "fine, we'll just go, and you'll see this is all a terrible mistake, it's not them". We called our friend Frank and told him and asked if he could drive us to the hospital. First we began contacting family and friends, and I remember I was frantically trying to reach my mom and dad who live in Florida to tell them what a horrible thing this policeman was telling us, but couldn't reach them. Family and dear friends rushed over to our home within minutes. Jenny called Heather's boyfriend, Adam, and told him and we asked if he wanted to go with, which he did. Heather had told me Adam would be the man she was to marry, she was totally in love. It was an hour's drive to the hospital, and the longest ride of my life.

When we arrived at the hospital, the nurse approached us as we walked in. She asked who we were, and we told her we were Heather's parents, and she asked if she was the driver. We said yes, and she said come this way. I stopped and then asked her if we could go in and see Emily first, thinking this would prepare me to then see Heather if this was all true. She said no, that Emily's parents had not arrived yet, so she couldn't allow us to see her before they got there. We said o.k., and approached a door with Heather's name on the outside. As we entered the door, there was sweet, sweet Emily before us. I was so numb, I couldn't even move. I knew our nightmare was true. I told the nurse that this was Emily, not Heather. We said our goodbyes to Emily, and then were taken to the next room. There was our precious daughter, Heather, cold and lifeless laying on the table. Chuck and Frank immediately ran to her and started praying over her body asking God to bring her back. Over the years, I had read many books on spiritual subjects and near-death experiences, I think all of which God used my interest in these subjects as a way of preparing me for this night. While standing in the doorway and looking at her, I immediately looked up to the ceiling and told her that it was o.k., to go toward the light, she would be with Jesus soon. I was so numb I couldn't even cry tears, I was in total shock. In my readings, I knew that many people after death float to the ceiling, and can see their loved ones below grieving. I knew instantly that it was her body, but her spirit, the thing that made her so special and alive, was not there any longer. She had some cuts on her face, and her front tooth was knocked out, which made her injuries not look as severe as they were. I felt the need to see every part of her and what this accident had done to her, but as I started to lift the sheet from her feet where Frank noticed there was a "Jane Doe" tag on her toe, and the nurse said "please, I don't think you want to see."

Minutes later, We received a call in the room from the Red Cross, asking if we would like to donate any tissues, valves, corneas or whatever else could be used. They said they know it seemed insensitive, but time was of the essence if we chose to do this. We found out the accident had occurred at 4:13 that afternoon, and both girls passed from what they call blunt force trauma, so it was too late to use any major organs. Heather and I had talked about this, and she had signed as an organ donor on her license, but they still needed our permission. I told them to take whatever could be used, as I knew this is what Heather would have wanted, she wouldn't be using that body any longer. She had a new heavenly body, free of pain. Emily parents also did the same.

We were told that the girls were both gone instantly, so I believe that God took their spirits before they ever felt a thing. They had been driving for 2-1/2 hours, and still had an hour to go. The police said they couldn't be sure what caused the accident, that possibly Heather fell asleep at the wheel, or lost control of the car with the roads becoming wet from the snow, we will not know for sure in this lifetime. They believed that Emily was also asleep at the time, because the passenger seat was reclined all the way back, and she was under a blanket. Our car was in the right hand lane of the four lane expressway. It crossed over the median, and into the lane of the oncoming traffic, hitting another vehicle. Dr. Chan, 63, and his wife Ellen, 68, were also killed instantly. As hard as it was for us to lose Heather and Emily, it is so difficult for us knowing others were sent home as well. Our hearts grieved for them also, someone else's family and friends would have to suffer from this tragedy. On the way home, Frank pointed out that we were approaching the accident site and asked if we wanted to stop there. We said no, we don't ever care to see this spot again, at least not at this time, and haven't since. Emily's father placed a cross there on the one year angel date for Emily at mile marker 217 on I-65 outside Lafayette, Indiana. It has taken us almost 3 years to be able to even drive by the spot.

We along with Emily's parents decided to wake the girls together. When we were at the funeral home, the director asked about arrangements for their bodies. Emily's mom responded that she wanted Emily cremated so that she could take her home with her. As soon as I heard her say those words, I knew that I wanted that also, to keep what was left of her with us. Picking out her clothing for her final goodbye was so horrible. The funeral director suggested a turtleneck due to her injuries. She still looked beautiful to me, except for the fact that there was no smile on her face, which was there so much of the time when she was alive. The wake was unbelievable. There were over 1,000 people that attended (at least that's how many signed her guest book, Jenny wanted to count them). Many people called or wrote me later to say that they went to the wake, but could not even find a place to park within blocks of the funeral home, so they didn't come in. The funeral director kept coming up to me and telling me that I had to keep the people moving along, as the line was wrapped around outside the building in the freezing cold. The third time he did this to me, I remember giving him such a look, he knew to get out of my face and not say that to me again. I arrived there shortly before 2:00 and it was over at about 10:15. I didn't even realize until we got home that I hadn't even left once to go to the bathroom that whole day, the people just kept coming and coming to mourn for our loss. I was on auto pilot, not even knowing what gave me the strength to stand there. It was so hard to see her friends all crying. When Kari walked through the door and approached Heather, she let out such a howling cry, I couldn't bear it. She had lost her two best friends in the world. Picture collages of the girls were everywhere. They were both big picture takers, flashing those bright smiles any chance they could. I am so thankful now that I have all those pictures. The flowers and plants were spectacular, over 90 of them in all, and I took them all home with me. I couldn't stand to leave them there as they were bought for her with love. I gave many of them to friends and family and told them to take care of them, as they were part of Heather. The funeral director stood in disbelief as I told him I would be taking them all with me. He said "you can't possibly take all those", and I said "just watch me".

Emily had her service the next morning in the funeral home chapel. Even though Heather's mass was to be an hour later that morning at our church, I wanted to go and say my finally goodbye to Emily. She was one of the most sweet and loving people I have ever met, always with a smile that lit up her face. I wanted a paper read that Heather had written a couple of months before for English class in college. The teacher let them choose any topic they wanted, and Heather chose to write about her best friend Emily. On the last line of the paper Heather wrote that she didn't know what she would ever do without Emily. Without knowing, Heather had written the perfect euology for the friend she loved so much, and she would never have to know what it was like to be without her. I had asked one of her friends to read it, and she said she would, but right before she was to read it, something inside told me that Heather would want me to read it, and I did. I don't know how I was ever able to do it, but I guess Heather was there beside me.

Afterwards, when we arrived at the church for Heather's service, it was already packed with people, hundreds and hundreds of them. It is a big church, and by the time the service started, people were standing up in back, the seats were all full. Our priest, father Tom, gave the most amazing sermon, so many people have told me it was the most inspiring service they had ever been to. The priest mentioned that at his first mass at this church as the new priest, Heather was the little eight year old girl that gave the reading that day. Her sister Jenny read a poem at the podium that she had written for her sister, and my heart just couldn't take anymore, she was trembling and trying so hard not to cry. Many other family members and friends stood up to say some last words about her. I work in a doctor's office with four physicians, and they closed the office that day so that everyone could attend the funeral. We were so overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and support we were getting from all our family and friends and co-workers. The cards and letters kept arriving at our home for about 2 months. Without them, we could have never survived this. We were so lucky to have them all, but knew in our hearts they were also there as a tribute to our daughter.

I was the type of mom who said I could never survive the death of one of my children, but with God's strength and our belief in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, which Heather also believed even at her young age, our family has found the strength to go on. We will never get over our loss, but are learning how to live with the pain. Our lives will never be normal again. We know that we will be with our daughter again, and what a reunion that will be. Until then, we know that she is watching and loving us all still from above.


"Heather the Child"

The first day of spring that year, March 21, 1983, my firstborn precious daughter came into this world at 4:40 p.m. on a Monday afternoon weighing 6'12" and 21 inches long. She was wanted so very much by her dad and me. We had been married almost 4 years, and couldn't wait for her arrival. She was the first granddaughter in both our families, so needless to say, was showered with much love and attention. It was clear to us early on that Heather had received many gifts and talents from God. She started talking at 6 months, walking at 9 months, and could say her abc's perfectly before she turned 2. She was now a walking, talking machine. She was an enormously happy baby, so full of love and smiles.

I always knew that she was gifted with above average intelligence, she was just naturally smart about everything. She loved to watch Sesame Street as a toddler, and actually taught herself to read from watching it, as hard as that seems to believe. One day when she was 3 years old, we were sitting at a stoplight, and Heather turned to me and said, "Mom, look, that signs says No Turn on Red". I had heard her phonetically sounding the words out right before she said that, and just looked at her in disbelief. From that point on, she hounded me to teach her how to read better, she wanted to read books, which she loved and was doing before she turned 4. She always wanted to learn everything. She didn't want to print when she was little, she wanted to learn to write like mommy did, in cursive. Nothing I could do would squelch her desire to want to learn about everything! She was so full of spunk and energy, she drove me crazy at times. She could look at a word, and then remember it the next time she saw it. She had what I guess would be like a photographic memory and she was constantly leaving me in awe.

When Heather turned 2, her sister Jenny came along, much to Heather's delight. She loved her baby sister enormously. Whenever Jenny wanted a toy she was playing with, she handed it right over. Anything Jenny wanted or cried for, everytime Heather would jump to meet her needs. It was so cute to see how much Heather adored her, she was like a little mother dotting on her all the time. She was never jealous or mean to her sister, it wasn't her nature to be that way.

God also gifted Heather with many other talents and abilities. When she was 3, I enrolled her in a gymnastics/dance class so that she could burn off some of her excessive energy. Her gymnastic's teacher would comment to me about her talent, and actually taught Heather to do a back handspring before she turned 4. Hard to believe, I know, but I actually have it on video. She was put on the competitive gymnastics team at the age of 5, and learned the routines, but couldn't compete. Gymnastic Federation rules required children to be 6 before they could compete, so poor Heather just prodded along learning the routines with the older kids until she turned 6. She also loved to dance, play sports, especially softball, which her dad highly encouraged as the father of two daughters, and being the jock that he is (or thinks he is!). Although Heather had so much talent, she would bore with things quickly and want to move on to the next challenge. Once she would accomplish something, it would be time for her to move on to the next thing life had to offer. She certainly kept me on the go. It's almost as though her spirit knew, even though her conscious mind wasn't aware, that her life on earth would be short, so it needed to experience as much as possible in the little time she was here.

She began kidnergarden at the age of 5. At this point I was concerned as to how they would keep her occupied and not bored, since she already read junior high level books and knew alot of addition and subtraction, but I kept quite and didn't say anything to the teacher. All parents think there children are bright, right? Each day the first week, I would ask Heather on the way home what she did at school that day, and she would say she took tests, and then more tests. She said she didn't know why she had to take so many tests all the time, that the other kids didn't have to take so many like her. Two weeks into school, the principal called me and asked me to meet with him. Upon meeting with him and the school counselor, he told me that they had Heather taking lots of tests, all of which she excelled on. On the IQ test, he said she scored a 99.5, the only question she missed was that the jaw was part of the what, and she answered neck instead of face. He said he feared she would be very bored in kidnergarden and suggested we come up with an alternative. The next week, Heather was placed in first grade for part of the day, and then would go to a second grade class for math and reading. She was thrilled about this, not because she thought she was so smart, but because kidnergarden was only half a day, and she loved school and was so happy to get to stay there for the whole day now. One day I went to help in her class in first grade, and when I walked in, Heather's teacher was at one end of the room at a blackboard teaching half the children their spelling words, and here I look and see Heather at the other end of the room at another blackboard teaching the other half their spelling words. The teacher told me that Heather loved to help her teach the other children, and she was glad to have her help, because what she was teaching was so far below Heather's knowledge, she wanted to let her help. Heather never thought she was better or smarter than other kids, in fact she always tried to play down her intelligence, didn't want anyone thinking she was a nerd, for goodness sakes. In high school, her friends would tell me how she would sleep through class most of the time, and then get better tests scores than them. I guess she could even learn in her sleep! Anyway, that is why she was still only 17 and a freshman in college and all of her close friends were older.

Later on in her high school career, Heather got totally bored with school, it wasn't as exciting to her anymore the way it used to be. She rarely did homework because she would tell me that if she didn't learn something the first time she read it, reading it again was a waste of time. Even though she became quite lazy with her studies, she still graduated with an honors diploma. She said she would use her abilities when she got to college, that high school was just a waste of time. I would tell her that if she didn't continue to apply herself now, she wouldn't just be able to turn it on once she got to college. She would tell me, just wait and see, I'll show you. Well, show me she did by making straight A's in the only semester of college she would complete. Even then, she only would spend about 3 hours a week on studying, and thought that was alot. She was so proud of herself, and so were we.

The greatest gift I think that God gave her was her ability to love, and I miss her smile most of all. She was full of joy and lived and loved life to the fullest. Everything was a challenge and an adventure. She had so many friends, and cherished them greatly in her life. She never liked fighting or arguing with anyone because she used to always say to me that you never know what could happen to someone. God enabled her to live it to the utmost for the time she was here. Two months before she passed, we were talking one night, and she told me "Mom, I just want you to know that you and dad are the best parents I could have ever wanted, and I have had the best childhood, it makes me wish I didn't have to grow up". This is one of the greatest gifts God has given to me, hearing those words from their child at this age, I know many parents will never hear those words from their children. Heather got her wish, she didn't have to grow up. Her mission here was over, she had nothing left to learn. She had learned God's greatest lesson, what love was and how to share it. For weeks and months afterwards, I sat down to try and write thank you's to all those who had sent cards, letters, plants, food, said prayers, etc. Each time, I would break down so badly again, that so many were never personally thanked. To any of those that read this, please know from our hearts how much it meant. I hate to single out anyone, but feel the need to here. To our parents and family, thank you. To our close friends - Frank, Marilee, Pat, Danny, Dawn, Mike, and their families - you were so there for us, and we can never thank you enough. My sister Margie, for taking care of all the floral arrangements at the wake (I never even thought of flowers in my state of mind), thank you. To my brothers Bill and Ray, thank you for checking up on me so much afterwards. To Werner & Jim and all the employees of Chicago Exhibit Productions, Mary and Pat and other employees and physicians of Indiana Endocrinology, you made us so proud and thankful to be in your employ during this time. Finally, to all who knew Heather, thank you for being a part of her life.