Uriko and Kenji
Director: I can't believe this is happening! My career is ruined! ::runs towards Shina:: No! Stop! ::Gado and Long appear at Shina's sides::
Gado: Back off or I'll tear a hole through your stomach! ::the director keeps running madly in their direction, bent on destroying the blooper tapes::
Long: Consider yourself warned. ::Pulls three throwing knives out of one sleeve and in one swift motion throws them at the director. They tear into his shirt in three different places, sending him sprawling backwards into a wall.
Gado: Hm, not bad Long.
Long:::bows gracefully:: It was my pleasure.
Shina: Aw, I coulda kicked the guy's butt anyways, but than again I really wouldn't want to interrupt the bloopers...
Uriko's Story
*****
(Shenlong appears on screen, standing over Uriko's mother, who's lying on the ground)
Shenlong: You are a fool to turn your back on our cause... because if you turned your front to it we'd probably all run away. Of course, you back's pretty ugly too...
Uriko: How dare you insult my mother! ::jumps on top on Shenlong's head while turning into a beast and gives him several scratches to the face::
Director: We're supposed to finish the scene before you beat him up Uriko, cut!
*****
Uriko: It's Long, the guy from the lab!
Shenlong: Eh? What? Is my fly open? ::looks down at the crotch of his pants::
Yugo: Ha ha ha ::rolls around the floor laughing::
Long:::off screen -.-000:: She's talking about me Shenlong, you idiot!
Gado:::off screen:: How conceited of him to assume that.
Shenlong: But I'm not you, Long! When are people going to realize that?
Director: Shenlong, read your lines! Cut!
*****
Jenny: Oh, I'm too late...
Uriko: Wish you had been later.
Jenny: What?
Uriko: Maybe then you would have had enough time to put on some decent clothes. Did you just get back form Gado's room or something?
Jenny: You bratty little...
Uriko: Don't call me little!
Director: Break it up you two! Cut!
*****
Uriko: You mean they're the ones who took my mother from me?
Jenny: No, it was a fat camp!
Uriko: How dare you! ::turns into a cat and scratches into Jenny's face::
Jenny: Ahhh! My beautiful face!
Director: Cut, makeup!
*****
Jenny: There's no need to go off half-cocked. After all... First they'll try to make her become a Liberation Front terrorist. So you still have time to prepare yourself for her rescue. Well?
Uriko: Are you suggesting that I should leave my mother in their clutches so that they can do horrible things to her? ::glares into her eyes:: Are you!?!
Jenny: It's in the @%$&ing script! I didn't write the damn thing!
Director: Lines, Uriko! Cut!
*****
Long: And what do you want from a recluse like me?
Uriko: I need to learn how to identify five different types of edible wild plants to earn a girl scouts badge.
Long: You want a hermit like me... to be your teacher? Oh wait a minute, you just said the wrong line. I guess I could probably point out ten or...
Director: Uriko, what did I just tell you about sticking to the script?
Uriko: But I don't know anyone else who can...
Director: Cut!
*****
Long: I am rusty and out of fighting condition.
Uriko: What do the script writers think you are, an old nail?
Long:::shrugs:: Beats me.
Director:::beats himself over the head with his clipboard:: Why must I work with such Amatuers!!!
Uriko: What did you just call me!
Director: Uh, nothing... Cut!
*****
Uriko: Alright! I did it! I finally made Master Long happy!
Yugo:::off screen:: Ohmygod! Uriko has defiled the innocent Kenpo Master!
Uriko: You digusting pervert! I'm going to...
::Long takes a throwing knife out of his sleeve and aims it at Yugo, it lands deep inside the flesh of his shoulder::
Yugo:::off screen:: Ow! That hurt!
Long:::takes a throwing knife out of his other sleeve:: If I hear one single word more out of that perverse mouth of yours I will stick this into your toungue! ::gives him a threatening glare::
::O.O Yugo claps a hand over his mouth::
Shina:::off screen:: He's not so innocent anyway...
Gado:::off screen:: I heard that!
Long: Shina, now he's going to try and kill me again!
Gado:::off screen:: gets up from his chair and punches his fist:: At the most convenient opportunity I am going to...
Long:::holds up his throwing knife:: Now, you stay back...
Shina: Dad!!!
Director:::sarcastically:: Well, thank you Jin for the throwing knife demonstration. Cut!
*****
Shenlong: How dare you defile the holy grounds of the Liberation Front, you wretched cat.
Uriko: I'm not defiling anything or anyone except Kenji goddamnit!
Yugo: You're doing what to Kenji!?!
Uriko: Uh oh, shouldn'ta said that...
Kenji: Aw man... now I'm gonna get grounded again!
Director: See what kind of trouble you get into when you don't stick to the lines Uriko? Cut!
*****
Uriko: So you're the one!
Shenlong: But I thought Kenji was the one for you.
::Uriko and Kenji both blush furiously::
Director: Lines Shenlong, cut!
*****
Kenji: As summer bugs fly into fire.
Uriko: Don't they die if they fly into a fire?
Kenji: Probably.
Uriko: So why would you say something like that?
Kenji:::shrugs:: Maybe because I'm supposed to be an assassin.
Director: Why, God? Why?
Kenji: I don't know, I didn't write the script!
::everyone glares at the scriptwriter who cowers behind his desk::
*****
Long: Let's check him out.
Uriko:::warps her arms around Kenji:: I can do that. ::they start kissing and her hand goes up the skin on his chest that the ninja gi doesn't cover::
Yugo: Uriko! How dare you do that to my brother!
Alice: I'm telling mom Uriko!
Uriko:::turns to glare at Alice:: Better not tell!
Yugo: Kenji you're grounded for another month!
Uriko and Kenji: Aw, come on!
Director: Cut, cut! Will someone please tell me why no one can stick to their lines!?!
*****
Busuzima: Stop messing with my subjects, ya hear? That's my job!
Uriko: No, Kenji is mine!
Kenji: Danm straight!
Busuzima: But I had you under mind control... What happened to all those sexy lap dances?
Kenji:::stomps over to busuzima:: You wanna know what happened to the lapdances?
Busuzima:::shudders with fear:: Well, uh...
Kenji: I'll show you what happened to the lap dances! ::gives Busuzima a swift kick in the crotch, Busuzima doubles over and Kenji punches his head to the ground. Meanwhile Uriko runs over and jumps on top of him, scratching through his back until nothing but blood is visible::
Director: This isn't supposed to be a horror film! Cut, cut, send in another clone!
*****
Shenlong: Oh, you ingrates again... You barely escape being killed, and now... what're you here for? You sure don't want to run into Busuzima again! In fact neither do I... ::walks off::
Kenji: You know Uriko, he's right. Let's go get some pizza.
Uriko: Yeah! Alright, pizza!
Director: Where'd that dratted clone go!?!
Busuzima: Over here!
Director: Not you! Someone please get Shenlong back on the set!
*****
Uriko: Are you on your way home? Good! Can you give me a lift?
Kenji: Certainly. ::he grabs her back with one arm and uses the other to sweep Uriko off her feet, then he carries her off into a dark corner where they can make out::
Yugo and Alice: Kenji! Uriko! Come back here!
Director: All I want to do is finish this one scene! Cut!
*****
Kenji's Story
*****
Kenji: *thinking* ...... Why is it so dark? What am I even doing here? ::Uriko is sitting next to him on a couch and nudges him:: Oh yeah... ::they start kissing::
Director: Cut, cut! Can't we even shoot the first scene without having to cut?
*****
Kenji: Who am I? I can't even remember that. I hear a voice... Someone is calling to me. ::a door opens in front of him and Yugo appears::
Yugo: There you are Kenji, I've been looking for you for almost an hour, what were you doing locked in the closet?
Kenji: Uriko and I were playing hide and seek.
Director: Yugo, you're not up yet! Get off the stage! Cut!
*****
Yugo: You a zoanthrope? You'd better get out of here while you can!
Kenji: What do you think I'm going to do? Sit here untill the place burns down on me? ::Yugo raises an eyebrow at him:: This is the beginning of my story, not the end of it!
Director: Kenji Ohgami! When will you learn to keep your big mouth shut and recite your lines!
Kenji: But I can't recite my lines if I have my mouth closed...
Director: Cut!
*****
Kenji: It's weird not remembering, but Yugo says my memory will return eventually if I just wait. Still... I don't feel right.
Long:::off screen:: I wouldn't either if I had to live with Yugo.
Yugo:::off screen:: Who asked you Long?
Long:::off screen:: It's a free country.
Yugo:::off screen:: I thought you lived in China.
Long:::off screen:: But we're not in China right now are we?
Yugo:::off screen:: Uh...
Long:::off screen:: I rest my case.
Director: This is Kenji's scene! No comments from the peanut gallery!
Yugo:::off screen:: I'm not a peanut!
Director: Cut!
*****
Kenji: I feel like I'm forgetting something horrible... something that still lies dormant deep inside my mind.
Yugo:::off screen:: It's probably all those lap dances you did for Busuzima.
Director: One more word out of you, Yugo, and I'm going to deduct your pay!
Yugo:::off screen:: Uh oh... ::pretends to zip his lips::
*****
Kenji: Sometimes I start to remember, but I feel like I shouldn't…
Yugo:::off screen:: You don't want to remember what Busuzima did to you anyway.
Director: That's ten more dollars for props and scenery... ::scribbles himself a note on his clipboard::
Yugo:::off screen:: Hey!
Director:::glares at Yugo:: I warned you Yugo. Cut!
*****
Kenji: I hate it! It's like some ghastly memory…fighting its way to the surface of my mind. No! I mustn't remember! I must keep it buried inside me! I don't know what it is, but I know I shouldn't remember!
Yugo:::off screen:: Now that's using your head Kenji.
Director: But apperently you're not using yours Yugo, twenty more dollars for the film's funding! Cut!
*****
Busuzima: Hey Bakuryu! Your master has come to get you!
::Everybody looks expectantly at Yugo::
Yugo:::off screen, frowning:: I've lost enough money already.
Director: Alright! Another ten dollars for the film!
Yugo:::off screen:: No fair! I was tricked into it!
Director: Cut!
Yugo:::off screen:: You're mean!
*****
Kenji: *thinking* I am Bakuryu..., master of the ancient art of ninja. At my master's command, I strip off my clothes and do a lap dance for the members of the ZLF...::O.O:: WHO SCREWED WITH MY SCRIPT!!!
::Busuzima whistles and idly slips into his trailer. Kenji runs over to it and jumps into a window and Busuzima emits several cries of pain::
Director: Cut! Send in another clone!
Long:::singing in a sad tone of voice:: Send in the clones... send in the clones.
Gado:::recognizes the song:: Isn't that supposed to be clowns?
Long:::-.-0::
*****
Kenji:::after battle with Shina:: Curiosity killed the cat!
Shina: You wanna come over here and say that again!?!
Kenji: Uh, well... no.
Director: Stick to your lines people! Cut!
*****
Long: Your techniques seem familiar... of course, that could be because I spent alot of time as an assassin with the old Bakuryu...
Kenji: The weak cling to the past...
Long: At this particular point in time that would also make you weak.
Director: Long, Kenji, lines please! Cut!
*****
Kenji: Your skills are ...impressive.
Stun: D-Damn! And here I was hoping he would be able to end my miserable life...
Director: Why am I paying you people for this crap!?!
Yugo: Because you couldn't get Tom Cruise, Brad Pit, Jenifer Lopez, Matt Damon, Katherine Zeta Jones, Jennifer Love Hewitt...
Director: Ten more dollars for the film's funding, keep it up Yugo and maybe I will be able to hire better actors! CUT!
*****
Yugo: Kenji! I was looking for you! You had me so worried!
Kenji: Actually I should be more worried about you...
Yugo: Hey!
Director: Do I have to start fining you as well Kenji Ohgami!?! Cut!
*****
Yugo: What do you mean? What's the matter with you, Kenji?
Kenji: Silence!
Shina:::off screen:: Yeah, all those ... definately seem to be a problem.
Uriko:::off screen:: So? What's wrong with the strong and silent type?
Shina:::off screen:: You call all those thoughts silence?
Director: Cut, cut! Can't you girls ever shut your mouths?
Uriko and Shina: What!?! ::they both glare at him angrilly::
*****
Kenji: This guy... I seem to remember him. But who could he be…?
Yugo: Well, duh! I'm only your big brother!
Kenji: It's part of my lines Yugo!!!
Director: Twenty more dollars to the film's funding. ::happily scribbles the amount down on his clipboard::
Yugo: But I'm on screen!
Director: You were supposed to be out cold! Cut!
*****
Kenji: Yu... Yugo? Yugo! Oh no, what did I do? Yugo! Did I do that?
Yugo: Who do you think did it? We're the only ones here!
Director: I am seriously considering firing you Yugo!
Yugo: But he was asking me a question...
Director: Oh, cut already!
*****
Busuzima: Ah, so you're back. Well, how did things go?
Kenji: I'll tell you how they went! I'm not your slave anymore!
Busuzima: What? The brainwashing... It wore off? You little ingrate! And after all the leather lingerie I gave you!
Kenji: Can I please have permission to kick his @$$? ::gives the director a pleading look::
Director: This scene is ruined! It was all his fault! Kick his @$$ to the *%$#ing moon!
Kenji: Alright!
*****
Gado: So, do you think you've settled this?
Kenji: Do you?
Gado: Well, yes actually. ::starts counting on his fingers:: I gave everyone a nice long lecture about how to live their lives. I made sure all the evil members of the ZLF were beaten to a pulp. I looked dilligently for a new zoanthrope leader. I kicked the crap out of anyone who disagreed with me...
Yugo:::off screen:: What a fat big head you've got Alan Gado!
Gado: My what a tiny little brain you have mister big, bad, wolf.
Director: Alan Gado, would you please do me a favor and review your lines! Cut!
*****
Yugo: Kenji! You're alive!
Kenji: Yeah, no thanks to Gado...
Gado: I was just trying to convince you to stay alive!
Kenji: How is beating the crap out of me supposed to make me feel like living?
::the director slumps over in his seat and cries::
Uriko: Cut!
*****
Yugo: What? Don't make me laugh. I can carry you by myself.
Gado: Bwhahahahah! Ha ha ha...
Yugo: Alright, alright! Kenji can help!
Director: Hehehe ::crazy laugh:: Cut! He he he!
*****
Yugo: ...? Kenji, you didn't plan on dying here, did you?
Long:::off screen:: I'm surprised he actually caught on to that. Do you think that the screen writers assumed that he was actually intelligent?
Yugo: Aw come on! I'm not a complete idiot!
Long:::off screen:: You actually understood what I just said?
Yugo: No, it just sounded like an insult.
Everyone but Yugo:::-.-00000::
Director: Come on people! Just a few more scenes to go! Cut!
*****
Yugo: ...? Kenji, you didn't plan on dying here, did you?
Kenji:::sarcastically:: No I was just waiting for the ceiling to fall in and catch my hair on fire so I can run around the place screaming!
Busuzima:::off screen:: Well as long as you're screaming my name...
Kenji: THAT DOES IT! ::runs over to Busuzima, turning into a mole half way, jumps on top of him and uses his claws to slice through him untill nothing but blood and flesh is visible::
Director:::-.-000:: Cut! Another clone please!
*****
Yugo: You IDIOT! Why?!
Kenji: Because I'm starting to remember what happened when I was with Busuzima!
Yugo: I guess that would make me want to die too...
::Kenji pretends to cry and Uriko runs over to give him a big hug::
Uriko: I'll make you forget about it Kenji. ::they start kissing::
Director:::hits himself over the head with his clipboard:: I GIVE UP!
*****