The drive into town was fairly quiet. During most of the trip she concentrated on the road ahead and the calming sound of her engine. Long looked out the windows, watching the landscape pass by and gazed peacefully up at the sky as the sunlight began to fade and the stars came out. What are you thinking? she wondered. And why are you so afraid of getting close to anyone? Is there some dark secret you are afraid to reveal to me? Or have you been alone so long that things like love and companionship are completely foreign to you? Will I ever know?
She drove around the city for a few minutes before parking in the driveway of a small fast-food restaurant. Not the classiest first date, she thought, but I want junk food! She got out of the car, locked it and walked into the restaurant, Long following after her silently. Is this what they call an awkward silence? she wondered while taking a place in the ordering line. Maybe I shouldn't have...
"Long, you're not mad at me are you?" she asked, turning towards him. He gave her a surprised look.
"Why would I be?"
"I... said you were pathetic." she reminded. "I didn't mean it. I just didn't understand."
"You were right." he agreed.
"No, I was wrong." she insisted. "The fact that I didn't understand you gave me no right to say that. I'm sorry I screwed up." He smiled warmly at her, and took her hand and gave it a gentle kiss to show he accepted her apology. She was a little surprised by it and felt awkward and clumsy in front of his charm and grace. You're such a gentleman Long, and I would hardly know how to treat such a gentleman. The only men I've known are... well... let's not think about that. She smiled back at him and they resumed their place in line, ordered their food, and went to sit down at a table.
Shina dug into her meal immediately, tearing the paper wrapping away from her burrito, crumpling it up and throwing it aside. Then she proceeded to stuff the thing into her mouth and take bites so big her cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk. Didn't realize how hungry I was... she thought. Long carefully unwrapped his food, folding the paper up and setting it aside. He took small bites of his soft taco and chewed and swallowed them before washing it down with a drink.
"I was just surprised I guess." Shina explained. "I mean, you're 12 years older than I am and you never really even kissed a girl before... Well, I guess zoanthropes like us can never hope to live a normal life, huh?" He nodded his agreement while eating his food. "I never got very close to anyone before either..." she confessed. "Not as close as I am to you anyway. I don't even remember much about my early childhood. Most of the time I used to just follow my father around everywhere. Then one day when I was thirteen I got lost in a battle, I didn't even have as much as a single gun to protect me. I ran into an entire platoon of enemy soldiers. I killed quite a few before they were able to capture me." He watched her with interest as she continued.
"Then they started to relax and talk about what they were going to do to me. Some of the things they said made me so angry... So I morphed and escaped my bonds. While I was a leopard I finished off the entire platoon, at 13 yeards old! Word of this got around of course. That's when I got the name Marvel, which is the name I usually work under. I got it because people said it was a marvel that a thirteen year old girl could destroy an entire platoon single-handedly, and without any weapons whatsoever. It wasn't long before I got all kinds of offers, and at fourteen I decided to become a mercenary.
"My father was so angry with me..." she remembered. "That was when we first started drifting apart. Anyway, by the time I started high school I was already a mercenary. So I was busy most of the time, and gone a lot. I'm not even sure why I started it really, I knew I wasn't going to be able to be there. I was usually out at work, and even when I was in school I really didn't know anyone. Didn't have any real friends. Eventually I just quit, I wasn't going to graduate at the rate I was going. And the rest of my life has been work since then. So I guess... I really haven't gotten much closer to anyone than you have."
"That is not much different from my own past." Long admitted. "I was only a year younger than you were as a mercenary when I first became an assassin. However, I did go to school right up until what would've been my senior year in high school. I was only there... maybe three days a week. And on those days I was so focused in my studies that I didn't seem to exist to anyone else. Even during the lunch break I would be in the library working, struggling to keep up. I found it difficult to pay attention to my studies while performing my work. I think I knew most of the other assassins better than I knew my classmates.
"On that note, there was only one person I ever got close to in all the fourteen years I worked for them... I met her when I was around your age I think, maybe a little older. She also worked for Tylon, but, like me, she had no choice. She was the only other person in the entire corporation who understood me... For years we were good friends. We used to talk about getting out, or freeing people, or at least trying to screw up Tylon's plans. It was a long time before we ever did anything about it. She was the one I was talking about when I said I kissed her on the cheek. I never stuck around to find out how she felt about that. I left because I was afraid. And now... I will probably never see her again."
"What do you think happened?" Shina asked. She was concerned, although at the same time maybe a little bit jealous and hopefull that Long would never meet the person again.
"I have no idea." he honestly replied. "I would like to think that she was able to take care of herself... She would have been in trouble with them around the time I left."
"Were they trying to kill her?"
"Probably."
"Do you think they suceeded?"
"I would not even hazard a guess at the answer. She was quite powerful, but Tylon never did play fairly."
"Hm... so she was your only friend?" Shina assumed.
"Yes."
"Yugo is the only close friend I've had, besides my father." she added. "His father and mine were good friends, and I met him once or twice before his father died. After that I didn't see much of him, but we used to talk over the internet sometimes. We never said much about ourselves... although I still can't believe he never told me about Kenji until after that incident with the ZLF a month ago. Can you imagine that? They'd been living together for years and I didn't even know... I guess Yugo was probably just trying to protect him though. But now that he is the leader of the WOC and the NGO I see Yugo a lot more, he and my father are never far form each other."
"Your father must think quite highly of him, despite his short comings." Long figured. "If he thinks he is worthy of you and I am not..." And there are so many things wrong with me. I can see that my uncertainty is a burden to you... And I am afraid of my own power, and afraid to get close to you... afraid of everything. Afraid of living. "perhaps he is right."
"Long! Don't say that! Look, he's not the one who decides if you are good enough for me or not, okay? I decide that!"
"My apologies." he nodded politely, realizing that he shouldn't be saying those kind of things in front of her.
"Maybe things will be better once he leaves again." she hoped.
"Are you speaking of the pressure he puts on us? If so that will dissapear... However it will not change the way I am if you are speaking of my own insecurities."
"But why, Long? What it is that makes you so... afraid to get close to me."
If only I could answer you question so easilly Jannu, you would have had your answer much earlier. But it is not your father, and most importantly... "It's not you Jannu. I am afraid to love you because... I am afraid that it will not last. I am afraid of the pain that comes after it is gone, you understand? And there are so many reasons I am afraid of that pain..." And I am afraid of hurting you, Jannu. Everyone I've ever loved before either ended up dead or missing.
"Long..." She put down her food and stared off into nothing. "I thought... that if I loved you... I could help mend your broken heart. Was I wrong?"
"You have helped me Jannu." he insisted, taking her hand in his and looking deep into her sparkling blue eyes. "I will always be in debt to you, for you have given me hope when no one else could. But as for my heart, it is not something you can mend alone, you understand? I must find a way to make myself whole again."
"I will help you." she offered, giving his hand a slight squeeze. "If I can." They smiled at each other and Long leaned over the table to give her a quick kiss before they returned to their meals. After enjoying the junk food for another fifteen minutes they threw out the trash and got back into her car. I should probably go home now, she thought. Dad's probably starting to wonder when I'll be back. She really didn't want to go back home to her father, not to mention the other person, but she knew that if she didn't they would probably track her down anyway. It would be so nice if I could take Long out to the moives or something. But I guess that can wait another day. Then she concentrated on the rode ahead.
Meanwhile Long gazed absently out the window. He watched the city flash by for awhile and became bored with the sharp angles and artificial lights. So he looked back up into the sky, searching it's infinite depths for something with some kind of meaning. Jannu... If only I had listened to my own feelings earlier. I know I am not worthy of you. He sighed and lowered his gaze, staring into nothing at all. Now I know... Now that it is too late to part with you without causing you pain. Why can't I even listen to my own reasoning? None of this makes any sense to me... but... Must I lose you in order to find myself? It was a question to which he desperately needed a swift answer, but like all his questions, the answer eluded his grasp.
"What the...!?!" Shina exclaimed, pulling up in the driveway. Her father and Jenny stood by his car, packing their things in. Yugo also stood close by, trying to get a few words in with her father. "I didn't know they were gonna leave again this soon." She parked her car to the side of his, leaving more than enough room for him to pull out. Then she lept out of the car, and locked the door before walking over to her Dad. "So... you guys are leaving already?"
"Yes." her father answered. "Jennifer and I are going to spend a few days in Paris and then we're going to Yugo's next boxing match." Jenny winked at him and went back into the house for more of her things. "How about you? Are you going to come to it?"
"It's gonna be so great to be back in the ring!" Yugo smiled. "My next opponent should actually be a challenge too... what do you think Shina?"
"I guess I could..." she agreed. "I'm really not happy with my job here anyway."
"You're invited too Long," Yugo offered, "if you wanna come."
"Hm..." he considered it for a moment. "I suppose that if I could..."
"It's gonna be great!" he yelled, a wolfish smile covering his face.
"I could use some help in here!" Jenny yelled from inside the house. Alan was busy stuffing things into the car, it was getting so full it already looked as if it would burst.
"Shina, will you please help her out?" he pleaded.
"Fine." she grumbled, walking off into the house.
"I can help." Yugo offered, walking after them.
"I need your help here!" Alan yelled as a few small boxes fell out of the trunk. Yugo and Long both rushed over to push all the boxes and suitcases back into their places.
"What a mess." Alan moaned. "Why didn't anyone ever warn me about marrying someone who's both a model and a spy?"
"I wouldn't have known of anything to warn you about." Yugo grunted, holding most of the contents of the trunk from spilling out. Alan backed away from the trunk.
"We've really got to get an SUV or something." he realized.
"We're gonna need more help in here!" Shina called.
"It looks like you've got most of that Yugo." Alan said after studying them. "Can you spare Long?" Yugo moved one hand over to hold up all the things Long had been preventing from spilling on to the ground.
"And she has more of this coming?" Long complained, stepping away. "Oh brother."
"Follow me." Alan commanded, leading him to the house. By the time they got there Shina and Jenny were already making their way out. Shina's arms were piled high with boxes while Jenny pushed hers foreward atop of a suitcase with wheels.
"Never mind." Shina grumbled.
"If you like I can relive you of some of that." Long offered.
"No thanks tiger, I got it!" she replied, walking past them towards the car as quickly as she could while holding so many things.
"All for nothing." Alan muttered, groaning in annoyance. Long started to follow after them. "Wait." Alan requested, tapping him on the shoulder.
"Er... yes Alan?"
"I have to ask you something." he mulled over the thought in his mind for a few minutes.
"Yes, what is it?"
"Listen... I know you have some personal issues... not that I'm going to talk about them now, but... as far as my daughter is concerned..."
"Alan." he interrupted as politely as he could. "I given some consideration to the matter myself... and come to the conclusion that I am not truly worthy of her."
"Oh." was all Alan could say. He was stunned by the unexpected answer. "Uh... what are you going to do then?"
"I am not certain." he admitted. "But I must find out what is wrong with me and make it right again." Alan nodded his understanding.
"Long? Dad?" Shina called, walking around the corner of the house to eye her father suspiciously. "What are you doing Dad?"
"I was simply asking him a question." he replied, walking back over to the car with Long following behind.
"He didn't say anything, did he?" Shina whispered in his ear once he got close enough.
"Uh... I'm afraid I did Jannu."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"SOMEBODY HELP!!!" Yugo cried. Long and Shina turned the corner to find her father and Jenny kissing by the car while Yugo was all but covered by their baggage, trying to stuff it all in the trunk.
"Grrrr!" Shina growled, clenching her fists. "This is BULL SHIT!!!" She screamed, stomping right past her father and his new wife with Long close behind. Once there they pulled several bags and suitcases off of the crushed boxer's shoulders.
"Thanks guys." Yugo moaned, glaring at the kissing couple for a moment. Then all three of them ignored the two and worked to fit the baggage into the car. After trying to just stuff it all in several times they just gave up and poured everything all out over the sidewalk.
"Remind me never to go on any trips with them." Long grumbled, surveying the mess.
"Got any ideas?" Yugo asked, falling to the ground and panting.
"Beats me." Shina shrugged. "I think we should all just leave and make them do it!"
"I think that if we put things in one at a time, very carefully I could arrange it so that everything would fit." Long suggested.
"You go ahead." Shina said, taking a seat by Yugo.
"I don't wanna!" Yugo whined. "I'm tired!"
"You idiot!" she yelled, smacking him across the face.
"Owwwww!" he cried.
"This is really none of my concern here." Long ranted, grabbing a few suitcases and placing them neatly in the trunk. "But since no one else has the discipline required to motivate themselves to help..."
"Alright, alright!" Shina yelled, getting up and grabbing a few boxes.
"I'm tired!" Yugo whined. "I was holding all that crap up while you guys were out doing... whatever! This is none of my mess either you know? And I think I deserve a break!" He crawled off of the concrete driveway and over to their grassy lawn and laid down to relax. Shina stuffed the boxes and suitcases into the trunk while Long arranged them in a manner that would provide them with more space.
"There!" he exclaimed when they were finally finished. He and Shina glanced over at Alan and Jenny who were doing some serious making out, groaned in distaste, and then they both walked over to lay down on the grass by Yugo.
"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow." Yugo informed them. "I wish I could take everybody out somewhere nice before I leave... it's too bad I'm still broke."
"What did you have in mind?" Shina wondered.
"A nice restaurant." he replied. "Somewhere we could all just sit and talk while we ate. I was thinking something not too expensive, but then I checked my bank account and discovered that I couldn't really even afford take out for everyone, not if I wanna get home."
"I think we should all get together before you leave..." she agreed. "So obviously Kenji is going with you, and are the Nonomura sisters going home too?"
"Yeah, it's back to Japan for the four of us!" he exclaimed. "It sure will be nice to be home... I'll miss you though Shina. I mean, you're a good friend."
"Aw, well... I won't be here much longer anyway." she said. "I'm thinking about just quitting my job and going to your next match."
"Great!"
"Anyway, like I was saying I think we should all get together, so why don't you go ahead and make reservations somewhere nice Yugo? Don't worry, it's on me."
"Really? Thanks! This is gonna be awesome!"
"It had better be if I'm paying for it."
"Ahem!" Gado's stern voice interrupted. They all looked up to see him standing over them.
"Finally done with the make-out session, huh?" Yugo teased. Alan glared at him.
"We're leaving now." he said, "The door is unlocked Shina, so don't go anywhere without locking it."
"Sure Dad."
"See you at the boxing ring Yugo." he added.
"Sure thing." he agreed.
"Long, keep your hands off my daughter!"
"DAD!!!" Shina yelled in protest, sitting up and clenching her fists. Alan Gado simply turned away and walked back to the car.
"Your father is a strange man." Long commented, shaking his head in confusion while watching them get into the car and drive away. "Whatever do you think made him feel the need to...?"
"Gado is always like that." Yugo interrupted. "Anyway, I should probably leave too... I have a lot of packing to do and I don't wanna leave Kenji alone for too long right now." He got up and walked over to his rental car, which had been hidden behind Alan's car.
"Uh... so... see you tomorrow night Yugo." Shina called, standing up from the grass. "Be sure and call and tell me where you get the reservations at so I know where to go, okay?"
"Of course!" he shouted out the window, turning the key and reving his engine. He drove it out of the driveway and pulled up right in front of them as Long got up from the grass.
"Uh, you coming too Long?"
"If my presence is not an inconvinience for anyone I believe I might enjoy the experience." he replied.
"In other words he'll be there." Shina translated, sending Yugo a wink before he drove off into the night. "Well... we're alone again Long. So... What do you wanna do, huh?"
"Why must you always ask me that?" he wondered. "For a start, let's go inside."
"Alright." They both turned away from the street and Long took Shina's hand in his as they walked over the lawn back to the front door. "Jannu... I've been thinking..."
"Thinking again?" she groaned, rolling her eyes. "Take a break from all your thinking Long! Look what a beautiful night this is!" she gestured to the starry sky with her free hand before walking through the front door. "And here we are, with the house all to ourselves... just you and me." She shut the door behind them and turned to face him, touching his lips with her fingers, still holding his hand in the other.
"Jannu, I..."
"Shhhh." she moved her hand from his lips to the back of his neck and met his lips with her own. Her soft lips gently caressed his, their warm touch making him yearn for more. He let go of her hand and rested his on either side of her waist, pulling her closer as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. Mmmm... My darling Jannu... Your taste is sweeter than a piece of milk chocolate... and I feel so warm inside when I'm with you. What is this feeling? Could it be...? Is this what it feels like? Am I... falling in love with you? She returned the kiss eagerly and moved her other hand up over his back, pulling them so close that their bodies touched as she deepened the kiss.
I shouldn't be doing this, he thought. I should be talking to her about my problems, not ignoring them. This could only make matters worse... But it felt so wonderful he found himself unable to stop. In fact he shifted his position, moving one hand father up her back and pressing their bodies together more closely. The touch of her body against him sent his blood racing through his body, his breathing deepened. She sighed at the touch. Yeah! she thought. Now it's my turn to do some making out. She moved her hand slowly down his spine, cupping it over the round muscles at the end. It startled him a bit and he stepped back and broke from the kiss.
"Jannu..." She kissed him back before he could utter another word, and used her grip on his neck and rear to press their bodies back together. I don't think so tiger, you're mine tonight. She persistantly caressed his tonuge with hers, refusing to let him go. He gave in to her wishes and wrapped his arms back around her, feeling up her backbone with one and timidly massaging the side of her waist with the other. She tightened her grip on his rear slightly and thrust her hips into his, rocking it back and forth slowly. He groaned at the feel of her body pressing against him through their layers of clothing. Then a burning sensation crept it's way down into his crotch.
She also could not help but notice the feel of something growing underneath his pants, rubbing against her body as she moved. Oh yeah, she thought, thrusting into him a little faster. This was something she hadn't done before, and she was very curious about it. It became hard for her to keep kissing him, she had such an urge to tear herself away, if only for a moment, to look down at it. But she knew that would draw too much of his attention, anything she did might scare him off. But... I just can't resist... She let go of his behind and grabbed it, squeezing his pants tightly over the hardened flesh.
"AHHHHHHH!!!" He jumped back in surprise, a look of complete shock covering his face. His cheeks quickly began to redden and he glanced back and forth for a moment before running at the door.
"Long, wait!" She grabbed his shoulder, keeping him from reaching the door. "I... I'm sorry! I really am! I should've known that would be too much for you. What am I saying? I did know... but I just couldn't help it!"
"What have I done?" he moaned. "What have I allowed to happen?" He could still feel the effects of her touch, the heat of desire spreading through his body. A part of him wanted to beg her to touch him again, and the other part of him was terrified at the thought.
"Long... please, don't start that! Look, I'm really, really sorry."
"No, no." he mumbled, turning around to look at her. "You need'nt apologize for a thing, this is all my fault! I never should have allowed something like this to happen! If only I weren't such a weak-willed fool as to succumb to such..."
"LONG, STOP IT!!!" she screamed, shocking them both out of their thoughts and into reality as they finally looked back into each other's faces. "I... I'm really sorry." she added, lowering her voice. "I must have hurt you."
"Hurt?" he asked nervously, looking away in shame. "No, that certainly didn't..." he looked back up at her. "But then... you weren't talking about physical pain were you?" His face turned red again. "How humiliating."
She could not help but giggle at the remark, and as she looked downwards to break their eye contact he realized that he was still exposed. She laughed even harder when he ran over to jump on top of the recliner. He pulled his legs up to his chest in order to cover the area, folded his arms over his knees and buried his reddened face in his arm.
"Ai ya!*" he cursed in his native Chinese. He moaned in shame and shook his head at his disgrace. "I will never live this down!"
"You don't have to be so ashamed Long... you know I didn't mind."
"Nei mo shi wo jue ren he jiao hao*!" he whined. "I feel so... so... foolish! Whatever could have posessed me to..."
"Long, stop!" She walked over to him and grabbed one of his hands in her own. "Is this really that much of a problem for you? I'm sorry Long, I... I didn't want to hurt you."
"No, this is all my fault." he stated, not wanting her to blame herself. "I shouldn't..."
"What do you mean it's your fault?" she interrupted. "I'm the one who grabbed you." Her reminder made him just as nervous as he had been before.
"B-but... it... um..." he stuttered.
"I really burned you didn't I?" she asked.
"Burned? Yes!!!" he agreed. "A very appropriate expression!" She laughed at the remark.
"I guess Dad should have told me to keep my hands off you before he left."
"It wouldn't have made any difference now, would it have?" Long moaned. "I sometimes think that you would do that simply in order to defy him."
"What? Are you serious!?!" she demanded, rising to her feet. He looked up at her in bewilderment. "You really think that? Why!?! How come everyone thinks I'm doing this just to piss off my Dad!?! IF I REALLY WANTED TO PISS HIM OFF I WOULD JUST KICK HIS %$#@ING @$$!!!"
"Jannu, I... forgive me. Please?" She sat back down on the foot rest in front of his chair and gazed into his eyes.
"Long, I'm only doing this because I love you. I really want to be with you, but sometimes... I don't know if you really want to be with me."
"Jannu..." She smiled at him as he cupped her face with one hand. "Of course I want to. I want to be with you so much... but I..." he looked down, trying to think of the words to explain his feelings. "I'm afraid to... Because..."
"Long?" she asked, he looked back up at her. "Don't worry about it, okay? If it really bothers you that much I'll back off, I promise."
"You... really mean that?"
"Of course! Look, from now on I'll just... I won't grab you anywhere anymore, okay?"
"That would be much apreciated." he agreed. "But..." Doesn't this dissapoint you? It is my own problem that I am not ready for this and I hate for it to be the cause of so much tension between us. "But, if you don't..." mind stopping, it would mean so much to me. "Forgive me Jannu, I hate to dissapoint you in this way, but... I am not comfortable with it."
"What do you mean?" Shina wondered. "You mean... you wanna break it off?"
"No, no!" Long denied. "I mean... that wasn't what I meant to say."
"But... you do want to stop seeing me, don't you?" she persisted.
"Yes..." he regretted the word the instant it came out of his mouth. "No! I-I..." I love you Jannu. I really think I do, but I am so afraid to say it. "I don't want to leave you. I never want to... I would stay with you, even though I know I don't deserve you."
"Oh, Long." she threw her arms around his and hugged him tightly. He warped his arms around her, pulling her close until their cheecks brushed.
"You mean more than the whole world to me Jannu, and I never want you thinking otherwise." His words were more than a comfort to her, afterall her need for physical affection had been denied by him so many times. She had begun to believe that he really didn't want her, but now she knew better. However, as much of a comfort as they were, they were still not the exact three words she really needed to hear.
"I love you, Long."
*My god!
*That does not make me feel any better!