"Dad, are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"I'm feeling quite well at the moment." he replied, winking at her before letting a loud yawn escape his mouth. "But I am tired, I will see you in the morning Shina, good night Long."
"Good night." Long replied.
"Good night Dad!" Shina waved him off and then turned back the other way and sat on the couch again. "I can't believe that." she muttered. "He's actually trusting the two of us alone Long. See? I told you I got him to losen up!" Long nodded in agreement, his gaze focused on the fire. "What are you thinking Long? Don't go away from me now, not even in your mind."
"I am trying to figure out something..." he replied absently, still lost in his thoughts. She squirmed around in her spot, changing the position her back was in.
"Ah! I hate my back!"
"Are you sore?"
"It sucks." she said, reaching an arm back to rub at it. "I knew I shouldn't have been working today."
"What hapened?" he asked, concerned.
"Nothing really bad." she explained. "Just some boso barreled into me and I've had a kink in my back ever since. Do you think you could massage it a bit more?"
"If you don't mind me touching you." he replied, smiling. She faked a punch to his nearest arm.
"Don't be silly. Anyways, would you mind if I layed down? I am getting a little tired..."
"Sure." he said getting up from the couch. "Go ahead." She turned over and stretched over the couch folding her amrs under her front and resting her chin on them. She looked over at him and smiled as he knelt beside her and dug his fingers into her shoulders, pushing and proding the tense muscles until he could feel them relax. He went slowly down her back, soon he felt a thin bra strap under the cloth and blushed slightly, trying to move around and ignore it. "How annoying." she agreed, casually reaching back to un-clasp the thing and let the straps slide down her sides.
"Uh... Shina..."
"What? It's not like I'm taking my shirt off." she stared at him sleepilly, folding her arms back under her chin and resting her head on them again. "Please keep going, my back hasn't felt this relaxed for a long time..." Long did as he was told and finished his descent down her back, nothing baring his way. Something about the feel of her soft smooth skin through the thin fabric made him want to get closer. He leaned over her, his face hovering over the back of her neck. His warm humid breath brushed at her bare skin.
"Long?"
"So..." he pulled away from her, straightening his back. "you said you work a lot Shina?"
"Oh yeah, Dad says that if you can get the job you should take the job. In fact even if you're not sure if you can get the job..." she interrupted her own sentence with a loud yawn.
"That sounds like him..."
"Sometimes I think I work too much. I work almost every day."
"You think you are missing something?"
"Maybe... I'm not sure what..." another big yawn escaped her lips.
"Maybe hanging out with other people your age, going on dates..."
"I'm not interested in that kind of stuff."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"Not really? Have you?"
"Well let's see, I was an assassin for fourteen years and it occupied most of my time. After that I was a hermit for another three years, and now..."
"I guess not."
"I guess you could say I haven't had the time... not to mention the confidence needed to approach others."
"Speaking of time..." she said, checking a little black sports watch she worse on her wrist. "I'm going to bed."
"Aren't you going to take me home first?"
"You can stay in our guest room, I'm sure Jenny's not sleeping in it, she never has... besides..." she stopped and yawned again, stretching her arms in front of her. "I'm too tired to drive. You don't want me to drive when I'm this tired."
"True." Long agreed, remembering all to well how she had drived while awake. "What am I going to wear tomorrow?"
"I'll just steal some of Dad's clothes for you."
"They're not really going to fit..."
"Your clothes didn't fit me either... please Long?"
"Alright." he agreed, getting of his knees and standing by the couch. Shina swung up off of it and fixed her bra strap before leading him through the room, through the dining room, and up the stairs. She stopped by the first doorway and turned to him, her finger on her lips telling him to be quiet. She opened the door and peeked into the room, then snuck in and closed the door quietly behind her. He stood in front of the door for a few minutes before she came back out carrying some of her father's clothes, an angry grimace on her face. Long shot her a questioning look.
"I can't believe they sleep together naked, that's just disgusting!" She handed Long the clothes and then walked on down the hallway passing the next door. Long wondered for a minute how she knew they were naked and then decided not to ask. She stopped and the last door opened wide and motioned for him to go inside. He nodded and walked halfway into the room, stopping and turning back towards her.
"Good night Long," she said sleepilly, her eyelids half closed.
"See you in the morning Jannu." he replied. She was so sleepy that she didn't even realize that he had said the wrong name, she just closed the door and walked off to her room. Long walked over to the bed and layed Gado's clothing on it, wondering how he was going to keep them from falling off him the next day. Good thing I'm wearing a belt, he thought.
Long sat on the couch, silently staring at the fire he had just lit. The watched disinterestedly as the flames soared inot the air and crackled as they consumed what was left of a log of wood. There was a window to his left which faced east and he gave it a curious glance, noticing that the sun's golden rays were just beginning to creep over the barrier of the earth and lead the sky their light. Jannu... how do I feel about you? he wondered. What was I doing last night when I got so close you could feel my breath on the back of your neck?
He reviewed the feelings in his head, the intense yearning for something to touch, something to love. He wondered what he would have done if he had not stopped himself. Was I trying to kiss you Jannu? Is this how you felt when you tried to kiss me? There is definately something here other than friendship... but will it be accepted? He stared back into the crackling flames, searching his mind for an answer. He could not help but wonder what her father would think. She had certainly gotten him to back off a little, but was it just because Gado believed that they were nothing more than friends? What would Gado think if he knew the truth?
Heavy footsteps thudded down the stairs and a lighthearted humming noise emanated from rooms away. Long sat in his place on the couch listening to the noises for the moment and then got up and turned towards the noise. Sounds like I'm going to get a chance to find out. He wasn't quite sure how to get the information out of the man without alerting him to the possibility, but he definately decided not to let the man know about his feelings for her until he was sure it wouldn't cause any more trouble. Gado came into view shortly, walking casually towards the bar still humming to himself.
"Long? What're you still doing here?"
"Your daughter became too tired to drive last night and insisted I sleep in the guest room." Long replied, nodding to him respectfully.
"I see she kidnapped some of my clothes for you..." Alan remarked, studying the way the oversized clothing draped over his smaller frame. "never realized you were so thin." Gado walked into the kitchen while Long stood there considering the remark for a moment before deciding that it was meant to be a comparison between their two different builds rather than an insult. "Had any breakfast yet?"
"No, I've just been doing a little thinking by the fire." Long replied. Gado opened a cupboard and took out a few bowls.
"Hope you don't mind cereal and cold milk, I'm not in the mood for cooking this morning."
"Not at all." Long replied Gado took one bowl and opened another cupboard full of cereal boxes while Long took the other bowl from the counter and waited his turn.
"Did Shina say anything about us when she went to get those?" Gado asked, pointing at the clothing Long was wearing. Long wondered if telling him the truth would be a good idea.
"She said the two of you were sleeping naked although I didn't ask her exactly what she saw..." hopefully not much. He added mentally.
"Well we weren't expecting visitors." Gado said, a slightly nervous shake in his voice. He selected a box of cereal and filled his bowl. "Some day she will meet someone she feels the same way about, and then she will understand."
Some day... Long couldn't help but think, perhaps a day that has already come. "And what if she did Alan? Would you summon them to the cutting board and threaten them like you did me?" Gado laughed heartilly as he took the milk out of the fridge and poured some into his cereal. Long glanced disinterestedly at the lined up cereal boxes, his mind else where.
"Probably." Gado admitted. "But only if I saw him laying his hands on her in a manner that I consider inappropriate... do you think I am too harsh? I know she does..."
"I think that if you want your daughter to behave a certain way, you should show it to her by example."
"True." Gado replied, walking to the other side of the bar and sitting on a stool. "I certainly hope that she does not act like me in that respect..."
"Alan, what would you think if I did like your daughter?" Long asked in as casual manner as he could muster, his back was still turned from Gado as he selected a cereal and poured himself breakfast. Gado snickered a bit.
"You know, Jenny thinks you are not sure what you think about my daughter, but I told her what Shina told me. 'Aw, come on Dad! We're just friends! After all he's too old for that right?' She didn't listen much of course, but I expected that." Alan Gado... if only you knew what your daughter really thinks. Long hated this bit of deception, it made him extremely uncomfortable. I cannot live a lie, but can he accept the truth? "Anyways I was just trying to think up a way to get her to start seeing Yugo." the casual comment broke through Long's thoughts, shocking him back into the present.
"You... what?"
"Yugo, he is a wolf zoanthrope and a son of an old friend of mine. He is the new zoanthrope leader, it would be a perfect match."
"Oh..." And what is so wrong with me? Is my age such a terrible thing, or is there something more to it than that? Of course he could not completely ignore his own past when he asked that question, not to mention his current instability because of it. Maybe he is right... I am not good enough for her. After all how could he hope to share his life with another if he couldn't even bring himself to reconcile his own past?
He decided then and there that his feelings for Shina would have to be suppressed as much as possible. He would take the next opportunity that came his way to speak to her about the matter and end any misconceptions that either of them might have had about becoming anything more than friends. What a fool I have been... he thought, hating himself for ever letting the thought of something more enter his mind. I hope I can do this without hurting her.
"After all they are around the same age..." Gado continued, staring off into the distance, oblivious to Long's feelings or the hurt expression on his face. "and it would be really good for her to get out and meet people, have fun, enjoy her life... don't you think? She really works too much, which I realize is partly my fault."
"Yes," Long agreed. "she is young and should be out enjoying life, not confining herself to her work and her house."
"The only problem I face now is how to get her to heed my advice." Gado explained, taking a bite of cereal before he continued. "For example I know that Yugo is taking a few friends out on a trip to the mall a bit later today, but how will I convince her to go?"
"I could ask her to take me there." Long suggested. "Perhaps we will meet up with them."
"Yes! That's a brilliant idea!" Gado agreed, his face lighting up at the thought. "She'll certainly listen to you if not me... Well then, in that case they should be there around 10 o'clock in the morning and they'll be there most of the day." Gado ate a few more bites of the cereal and gave Long a wink. "You know, you're really something. I'm very glad my daughter had chosen such a good friend."
"Thanks Alan." Long replied. I guess in this case good friends do not make good boyfriends... "I am sure she will enjoy the outing."
"Good." Gado replied, picking up his bowl and sipping down the last of the milk before rinsing it and setting it in the sink. He walked over to the coat hanger by the front door and picked up a heavy leather jacket. "Well, I'm off to work now. You have fun with my daughter today." He opened the door and stepped out side it before waving a final goodbye.
"I will see you later, Alan Gado." Long replied, giving a slight wave before Gado closed the door and was gone. Now what am I going to tell Shina? he sighed, dreading the task ahead... Of course he would have to say something, if he kept quiet then Shina would assume he was still unsure, and perhaps she would try and influence his decision. He didn't want there to be any doubt between them... he didn't want to lie to her either.
He stared down blankly at his cereal bowl, realizing that he wasn't hungry enough to bother eating it. So he carefully poured the cereal back into the box and rinsed the bowl out before setting it in the sink on top of Gado's bowl. He considered his options as he walked back over to the fireplace and poked at the cinders before throwing in another log. He wanted to tell her the truth, but how could she understand his reasons for holding back his feelings? Perhaps a little deception was in order, if only to keep the peace.
He sat back down on the couch and wondered to himself why life had to be so difficult. Why couldn't he just forget about his past and overcome his weakness? Why was this such a hard thing to accomplish? Why couldn't he bring himself to fully open up to Shina without having to reconcile his past? What was it about himself that made him feel so uncertain about everything? He realized that he still had some doubts about himself. I am truly sorry Shina... this is something I have to overcome on my own. Perhaps one day when I have overcome it... He would not allow himself to finish the thought. If the day ever did come, he would think about it then.
He heard the slight squeak of a hinge as a door opened upstairs and footsteps quietly walked across the hall. Then there was a knock, also upstairs.
"Long?" Shina called, poised in front of the door to the spare room.
"I am down stairs Shina." he shouted, his voice echoing up onto the second level.
"Oh." she exclaimed. He listened to her soft foot falls as she walked back over to the stairs and then the heavier thuds as she came rushing down. Once she reached the bottom she walked a little faster, towards the room he was in. "So there you are!" she said. He was scarecly able to turn his head before she leaned over the couch, her arms reaching over his chest as she pressed her cheek against his, giving him a hug. "Have a good sleep last night?" she asked.
"I tossed and turned quite a bit." Long admitted. "And then decided to quit trying."
"Oh, I'm sorry, how long have you been up?"
"Since a little before sunrise." he replied, glancing up at the window.
"Oh... aren't you tired?"
"Only a little bit."
"Did you eat breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry."
"Is that because you ate breakfast or just because you don't want me to bother myself to make you anything?" Long and Shina gave each other knowing grins.
"It seems I can't keep anything from you."
"In that case I'm going to make pancakes." She stated, giving him a warm smile before turning towards the kitchen. As she took her first few steps in the direction Long wondered if it would be a good time for him to explain himself to her. The sooner the better. He decided. I need to get this over with.
"Shina? Can I talk to you for a second?" she stopped in her tracks and turned around to give him a curious glance.
"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"
"Uh... would you care to come over here and sit down?" he asked, trying to mask his nervousness.
"Hm..." As she crossed the room she had to wonder what this talk was about. It was obviously something important if he was asking her to come sit down. But what was it? Was he going to talk to her about the possibility of them getting together? Had he finally made up his mind? She took a seat next to him on the couch and looked curiously into his face. He returned her gaze with a solemn nod. "So what is this all about?"
He broke his gaze to stare absently at the carpet next to his feet. "Shina, I've been thinking about some of the things you said last night." He hesitated, trying to figure out the nicest possible way to say it. I don't want to hurt you, Jannu.
"Yes?" Shina asked, tilting her head to get a better view of his face. "What were you thinking?"
"I am not ready for anything other then a friendship. Not for a long time." he stated with a hint of saddness in his voice. He looked back up inot her face and caught a surpirsed reaction. "I am sorry, I did not want to dissapoint you."
"Oh." she muttered, her face flushed a bit. Was I wrong about him? "It's alright. I was just curious about it, that's all. You really aren't hurting me or anything." Not really... she repreated, trying to convince herself.
"I'm glad." he replied, a smile of relief flooding over his face. "I was trying not to."
"Well, anyways, uh..." She scratched the back of her neck nervously, feeling like a fool for being unable to find the right words. "I guess I should go and make us some breakfast then." she shot him her best impression of a winning smile before getting up off the couch and walking into the kitchen. That doesn't mean that we can't still be friends... she cajoled herself. After all what's the big deal anyway? The only difference is a little kissing... I don't really need that. She told herself these things to make herself feel better, but she really didn't believe them.
Across the room, on the couch, Long was telling himself similar things. Along with congratulating himself for not hurting her feelings... at least... not very much. She didn't break down or cry... this is a good thing right? In fact she seemed to take it very well... maybe I was wrong. Maybe she doesn't really care about me as much as I thought she did. He assured himself that he had done the right thing... however, much to his surprise, it gave him little comfort.