"I guess I could think up something more appropriate..." Long acceded. "However, I highly doubt that this is the end of our trouble on the matter."
"What? You think my father will give us more trouble?"
"Maybe he didn't say it outright Jannu, but he... he does not want me with you. I am certain of it."
"Aw, so what?" She brushed it all aside. "He'll just have to get over whatever is bothering him. I'm going to insist on it Long, I'm seriously tired of the way he's treating us."
"Jannu..." he smiled at her, thinking about how much he admired her courage. And then he had to wonder... "when you said you loved me a moment ago, what did you really mean? Obviously you were being wary of your father while you replied..."
"Oh." she scratched anxiously at the back of her neck. "I actually didn't mean to say that... I guess I just didn't want you to be mad at me."
"So, what you said about loving me as a friend was true?"
"Yes, I also like you as... uh..." she considered using the word boyfriend, but it sounded so childish. "a love interest I guess. Actually, I think I love you... romantically. But I'm really not sure... so I didn't mean to say that." He nodded, the only indication that he was aware of her while deeply buried in his own thoughts. "Even I want to take little time to be certain of my feelings." she added. "Maybe not as much as you do..."
"He, he, yes. I see." he replied, chuckling merrily. "Well, I have my reasons for that."
"Oh really?" she prodded his leg playfully with one finger. "And what reasons are those?"
"Serious reasons." he explained. "For one, I have never loved anyone before... not besides the members of my immediate famly anyway, and for all I know they are all dead now."
"Oh, I'm sorry..."
"It is alright." he assured her. "I wanted you to understand my reasoning. Part of it is that I'm not really sure what that kind of love is. I don't know what it feels like or how you know when it's there..."
"I'm not really sure myself." Shina admitted. "But I always thought that it would feel like you really needed someone, you know? Or maybe like, whenever you're with them, you just feel better about yourself."
"That sounds nice." Long offered. "I don't think I could try and define it right now myself. But my idea of it was... I suppose you'll find this a bit romanticized and old-fashioned... but, I always thought that true love should last forever. Or, at least as long as the person who feels it is alive."
"How sweet." she commented, smiling up at him.
"Anyway..." he mumbled, a little flustered by his admission and her adoring gaze. "Another bit of my reasoning is that, while your open your heart to someone you make yourself vulnerable. Obivously I don't want to get hurt, or hurt anyone else."
"I guess it is a good idea to be cautious to a certain extent..." she contributed.
"I would much rather wait until I am certain about something to reveal it, then say something that I don't mean and end up hurting someone." he expounded. "If I ever do tell anyone that I love them, they can be sure that I mean it." Long, Shina thought, I hope that one day you will say tell me that. "They won't have to experience that terrible feeling you get when you wonder... if someone really loves you or not."
"You sound like someone broke your heart once." Shina stated, wondering who it could have possibly been. Long had said that he'd never loved anyone before, but...
"You could say that." he muttered under his breath, an anxious look covering his face. "For so many years of my life, I thought that I never wanted to love anyone again, that I didn't even want to be around people at all." He stared blankly at the wall on the other side of the room, absorbed in his feelings in the past.
"Are you talking about the time you spent as a hermit?" Shina wondered.
"Then Uriko found me." Long continued, nodding to confirm her question. "At first I didn't want to teach her, I told her that she was foolish for even coming to ask me someone like me. Then she told me about her desire to rescue her mother...
"Hearing her talk about it changed my mind. She loved her mother so much that she would do whatever it took to get the strength she needed. She intended to charge into the ZLF's headquarters alone, in order to rescue her. It reminded me that, although I felt my own life would always be lonely and meaningless, there was still something out there worth fighting for." He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, as if he could see through it and into the sky, and was searching it for answers. "So, I decided to let her watch me train for awhile, and then accompanied her on her journey.
"I would be a liar if I didn't admit that I also had my own reasons. She told me about their leader, who looked so much like me, and I was curious of course. I should have realized that he was a clone of me the moment she told me... but I actually didn't think on it much... It may have been some kind of imposter... maybe even a costume, some kind of deception. I was angry with Tylon... and I realized that many people from it were also in the ZLF. I guess what I really sought was a form of revenge. If only I had realized the truth, I might have waited until I was better prepared..."
"But then you wouldn't have met me, right?" Shina interrupted. "Actually who knows? We can't tell what might have happened if things didn't go the way they did... I have to admit though, I'm glad you were there. Hey, that reminds me... the green-haired guy was Busuzima, you know? After I beat up that bug-guy you said something about him, but when we found him you didn't recognize him? Was that because you weren't wearing your glasses or...?"
"I never really met the man in person prior to that day." Long informed her, straightening his glasses and looking back down into her face. "Although I had certainly heard of him..." He was reminded of what had happened that night, and that he hadn't told her the truth... "I lied to you, Jannu, that night when you found me lying by the wall, covered in blood."
"What?" she wondered, "Why?" What reason could you possibly have to lie to me?
"Something happened between myself and my clone, I wasn't ready to admit it to anyone." he explained. "I lied, when I told you that I took my beast form and attacked him. I had been too weak to do so... and not just physically."
"What really did happen then?" Shina prompted.
"When he was about to kill me..." Long began, his voice faltered at the thought of the memory. "I told him to go ahead and do it, that it would be a fitting end to my accursed life."
"What?"
"I have killed so many people Jannu... I truly felt that I did not deserve to live."
"Oh, Long." Shina got up from her spot on the rug and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly for several minutes. I'll make you want to live. Then she brought her lips to his mouth and kissed him sweetly, urging the pain of the memory to fade away. He wrapped his hands around her, lost in her warm embrace and the loving caress of her lips. They went on for several minutes before stopping to share a smile.
"Jannu... do not worry for me. I no longer desire death." Her smile broadened as she stared into his face, relieved by his statement.
"What hapened after that?" she asked, gently stroking his cheek with one hand as she sat on his lap.
"I... braced myself for the final blow..." he told her. "but it didn't come. Then I looked back up at him and demanded to know why he hadn't killed me yet." She giggled a little.
"How silly..." she thought out loud. "I can just see it now- 'Hey! I told you to kill me! Why haven't you done it yet, damn it!?!'" Long and Shina laughed at the remark for a few minutes before he continued.
"Something about that remark gave him doubts about himself. Perhaps, for the first time in his life, he realized that there was something he was lacking... It was a terrible realization that drove him insane I'm afraid, for he turned on himself then. He took his hands and dug into his own flesh... and as he was standing over me much of his blood was spilled onto my chest."
"Oh..." Shina exclaimed in shock.
"After that he said something about feeling broken... and then I passed out. I didn't wake up until you found me."
"Wow." Shina muttered. "It must have been horrifying."
"Well... it is certainly not as experience that I will forget anytime soon." Long acceded. "Although it is certainly far from the worst..."
"Oh Long, forget about that." she requested, moving one hand up to caress his chest. "After all, it's over now."
"If only I could forget about it that easilly." he sighed. "Sometimes I still wonder... was my life really worth saving? After all that I have done... I don't even know if I can even forgive myself, let alone do anything to atone for it."
"Long, don't say that!" she turned to look into his eyes, seeing his seriousness mirrored there. "You really mean that, don't you?" She kissed him again, in an effort to banish his thoughts and prove how much she cared. But she stopped after a moment, thinking of something else she had to say. "I know that your life was worth saving... even if only for this moment. Do you believe me?"
I'm not sure that a good reason for sparing an assassin is so that he can experience friendship and love... was his first thought. But then he remembered something that her father had told him only a month earlier. '...living with others, sharing their laughter and their tears... That is the way to atone for one's past.' How can simply sharing one's life with others atone for so much evil? Long wondered. In any case, I am certain that Gado did not mean for me to fall in love with his daughter.
"Long?" Shina demanded, shocking him out of his thoughts.
"I am sorry Jannu..." he apologized for ignoring her question. "I just don't know."
"Fine then." she replied, a resolved look over her face. "I will make you believe." One of her hands cradled his face as she bent to kiss him. The insistent caress of her lips expressed her love, fighting to drive away all his doubts. Long... I think I love you. Don't doubt the worth of your life, please... Live for me.
Long reveled in the feel of her skin as it's soft touch warmed his face, sending it's comfort to soothe his aching heart. But somewhere deep inside of his there was still that doubt. Oh Jannu, If only your kiss could make this feeling go away... If only it could be so simple... Then someone knocked at the door. Shina broke away from Long, sending him a loving smile before the door sounded again. She rolled her eyes and groaned in reluctance before walking over to answer it.
"How come someone's always interrupting us!?!" she twisted the handle and pulled the door open. "First the phone and now... Oh, it's you."
"Yeah, your father told me to come over." Yugo defended. "He was gonna help me with this speech..."
"I swear Yugo! You have the worst timing!"
"Yeah," he agreed. "But I probably swear more..."
"That's not what I was talking about and you know it!" she yelled at him, delivering a firm punch to his chest.
"Ouch!" he whined, rubbing the area. "What are people always to hitting me? Do I look like a freakin' punching bag or something?"
"Come in and sit down somewhere." Shina offered, motioning him in and walking back over to Long. She gave him a smile before resuming her previous position on his lap and snuggling her side into his chest.
"Aw, how sweet." Yugo complained, stretching himself out across the couch. "Do you have any idea how often Ally tries to do that to me? That's not comfortable you know!"
"I didn't have much of a say in the matter." Long replied sarcastically. His arms (which were about all you could see of him behind Shina, besides his face and half of his chest) shrugged.
"Hey!" Shina protested, faking a swing at his chest. "At least I'm not tying you to a bed and stripping you clothes off!"
"Not that she isn't thinking about doing that sometime soon." Yugo teased.
"Yugo!" she screamed, balling her hands up into fists and giving him a threatening glare.
"You really scare me." Long insulted him.
"I heard that young man!" Gado's voice yelled from the other room.
"Ah crap, now I'm in trouble." Yugo whined. Shina and Long laughed at his predicament, understanding all too well what it was like to be on Alan's bad side. Alan Gado walked into the room, giving his daughter and what he could see of her boyfriend a criticizing glance before turning to glare at Yugo.
"So you think that making jokes about my daughter's sexuality is funny do you!?!” his deep voice roared.
“Er, um, well... n-not really S-Sir...” Yugo stuttered, faking a startled fall off the couch and pretending to be even more frightened than he really was. “uh, I mean, M-Mr. Gado, s-sir!” Shina and Long laughed loudly.
“Please, I can do better than that!” Long called. Yugo looked over at them with a questioning glance.
“We just finished playing this hilarious joke on my Dad...” Shina began.
The entire group of five laughed so hard that you could hear no other sound in the house. Gado and Jenny stood by the entry to the room, holding their stomachs. Yugo rolled over the floor, laughing so hard that his sides began to ache. And Shina laughed so hard she thought she could cry. Even Long could not help but chuckle over the story.
"I can't believe he said that!" Yugo cried, one hand shooting over to hold his aching sides. "I've been violated!?! You've gotta be kidding me!!! He he ha ha..."
"That was nothing compared to the scream that came out of his mouth when we first came in." Jenny notified them. "It was so high pitched that she may very well have been kicking him in the balls!" Yugo rolled over onto his back, unable to stop the stream of laughter that poured out of his mouth. Jenny laughed so hard that she doubled over.
"Hey, I resent that." Long mumbled.
"You resemble that!" was Yugo's quick retort, before he resumed laughing.
"It's not like I'm saying that his voice is like that all the time." Jenny added. "Most of the time it's a lovely deep voice, but that scream was hilarious!"
"I am never going to hear the end of this, am I?" Long complained.
"Hell no!" Yugo agreed. "I'm gonna tell Kenji about this! And then he'll tell Uriko and I'll tell Alice... Ha, ha! And once they find out everyone will know!"
"How rude!" Shina yelled, getting up from her spot on Long's lap to stomp on one of Yugo's flailing hands.
"Ooooow!" Yugo screamed, his hand pinned under her boot.
"Now that wasn't very nice dear." Alan scolded Shina. "We're supposed to make the company feel welcome, not like a door mat." She reluctantly took her foot off of Yugo's hand and sat back down on Long's lap.
"Ah, $#&% that hurt!" Yugo yelled, rubbing his squashed, red hand.
"You'd better watch your mouth or that's not all that's going to hurt!" Shina threatened.
"Thank you Jannu." Long said, a little embareassed that she was more willing to stand up for him and he was himself.
"What is with that Jannu thing anyways?" Yugo demanded, blowing violently on his hand, which was starting to swell up.
"Jannu?" Gado asked, giving Long and Shina and interested glance as he recognized the name. "Why do you call her that?"
"Well..." Long mumbled, a bit flustered at all the attention he was getting. "I actually first came across the name several years before... not long after the incident with Tylon."
"Hm..." Gado thought it over for a moment. "You mean, when they sent you after me. They must have given you some information on me... her name was in it?" Long nodded, affirming Gado's question.
"Why didn't you ever tell me that?" Shina asked, softly elbowing his side.
"I... never had the opportunity I guess." Long replied. "After... I quit working for Tylon... I forgot all about it... at least, until Alan mentioned it again after picking you up from my place. After that the name got stuck in my head for some strange reason."
"And my daughter doesn't mind you calling her by this name?" Gado asked, looking back and forth between the two.
"Nah." Shina replied, brushing the question away. "I actually like it the way Long says it... However if anyone else gets any ideas..." she shot a threatening glance at Yugo, accompanied by a clenched fist.
"Yes, I know. A fat lip right? Really Shina, you ought to find a different phrase..."
"It's my trademark!" she yelled at him. "Now you shut up or else!"