2 Priests On Vacation
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.
They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.
The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."
"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"
The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent."
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Acne
Q. What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.
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Adam's Companion
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam replied, "What can I get for just a rib?" the rest is history.
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Admission Test
Three nuns died and went to Heaven. At the Pearly Gates they were met by St. Peter. He told them that in order to get into Heaven they had to answer a skill testing question. They all agreed. He asked the lst one, "Who was the first man on earth?" She said, "Oh that's easy," and then she answered, "Adam." The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing, and she flew up into Heaven. He asked the 2nd nun, "Who was the first woman on earth?" She said, "Oh that's easy too," and then she said, "Eve." The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing, and she flew up into Heaven. He asked the 3rd one, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam." She said, "That's a hard one, isn't it?" The Pearly Gates swung open, the angels started to sing...
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Airplane Trouble
A small plane was travelling on a short trip when it ran into bad weather. Besides the pilot, there was a teacher escorting two pupils, a businessman and a priest.
The plane was struck by lightning and an engine caught fire. The pilot ran out to the back of the aircraft. "I'm afraid I have bad news. The plane is going to crash. Because we are a discount airline, we have only three parachutes, and I'm taking one!" So saying, he jumped out the door of the plane and parachuted safely to earth.
The other passengers pondered what to do. "I know", said the teacher, "We should strap the parachutes to the children and let them survive. They are young and have a whole life before them. We can't let them die. Give the parachutes to the children, and let us take our chances."
"The children?" bellowed the businessman. "Fuck the children!"
"Oh," said the priest, "Do you think we have time?"
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