"Oh jeez, I hate this movie!" Caroline said, turning the channel.
The only other show on TV was some goofy 1970's horror flick called "The Evil Walking Dead of Mortimerville." She was not in the mood for that, being all alone in her home, out in the middle of nowhere on a rural back road surrounded by woods, alone except for the small family plot of the people who had lived in her house in the 1880's located in back of the house.
She left the TV and went up to her room where she turned on the stereo. The song "Mambo Number Five" was playing. She cranked it up and started dancing around the room.
But outside in the cold brisk October air, a dark figure heard the racket.
While Caroline sang loudly and danced to the music, the figure opened the front door and started up the stairs. It crept down the hallway to her room where it snuck up behind her. It grabbed her shoulder.
She turned to see a decaying skeleton grinning at her. It was old Jacob Carnwalder, who was supposed to be dead and rotting in the family plot.
"You know little girl, your parents were right," he said, breathing his putrid, moldy breath on her. "Your music is loud enough to wake the dead! Now you're going to pay!"
With that old Jacob reached into his pocket and pulled out a Cornish Gamehen. "Hey, cool!" he exclaimed, "I forgot they buried me with this. He put it up to where his nose had used to be and sniffed it. Then he turned back to her, "Do you mind if I use the kitchen and cook this up?"
Caroline rolled her eyes. "You're the one haunting me. I'm not going to stop you."
He rushed into the kitchen and started to prepare the gamehen. "You'll love my special stuffing-mix," he said, adding the secret mystery ingredient.
When the meal was finally ready, old Jacob called the rest of his very large family to dinner. They all climbed out of their graves and started coming into the house.
Every possible exit was blocked by zombies coming into the house. Caroline was panicked, her heart beating loudly and her breathing quick and hard. Wildly, she searched the kitchen, looking for something that might let her escape. The only things her terror-filled eyes percieved were a soup ladle and... a block of cheese.
But it was not just any cheese. She had been saving this one for an emergency. It was nothing less than a five-pound block of expensive and rare Lunar Green Cheese that had been left over from way back at the start of this story.
She knew that she had to keep it away from the Anti-Cheesyists because they would destroy it with their gigantic cheese grater made of kriptonite.
This devious plan failed when the Anti-Cheesyists were held up in a legal battle with DC comics over copyright infringements, They were arguing over the spelling of "Kryptonite" and whether it should be capitalized.
Caroline thought she was doomed until, suddenly, Mayonnaise Joe and his new sidekick, the Pineapple Kid, walked through the door. "Don't worry little lady. I'll save you!" said Mayonnaise Joe.
But just as he said this, he was spread on a sandwich by none other than Leonardo Di Caprio and eaten. Leonardo was making a guest appearance in "Caroline's Nightmare: The Movie." Leonardo said, "Ha! I have vanquished you, you fiend. I have... have... What have I done?"
"Cut!" the director yelled, "Mr. Di Caprio, if you can't get the lines right you're out of this film! Let's take ten, people." Caroline, played by Neve Campbell, and the Pineapple Kid, played by Glen Beaudin, walked off the set complaining to each other about Di Caprio.
Leo heard this and went to pout in his trailer with his Latin lover, Carlos. At least he could get some comfort from Carlos. Carlos was supposed to be in the trailer, but he wasn't! Leonardo became alarmed. He called out Carlos' name. Carlos didn't respond. He called out his name again. Carlos was nowhere to be found! Where could he be?