Carlos recovered consciousness in a bleak, dark room. As he struggled to remove the ropes that tied him to a chair, he tried to figure out who had kidnapped him. He struggled to focus his eyes on the taunting figure of his captor who stood looming over him.
Carlos could not believe what he was seeing. His kidnapper was an invisible woman. She wore a tight white leather outfit that showed all the curves of her body. The outfit looked like it was suspended in thin air.
Her empty glove reached down and grabbed Carlos' head. Her disembodied voice said, "Excuse me, but do you have any cheap yellow mustard?" Before Carlos could react, the invisible woman reached out toward him. He could smell pastrami and Swiss Cheese.
Carlos felt hungry and scared at the same time. He wondered to himself, "What time does M.A.S.H. come on tonight? I really want to know if Henry Blake is going to make it home alright."
The invisible woman decided to make stew and not let Carlos have any. In her stew she added chicken, corn, onions, and green peppers. She set her cauldron to boil while she taunted Carlos with invisible turnips. Carlos, being Latin, had never seen a turnip, especially an invisible turnip.
The cruel invisible turnip woman continued to taunt Carlos, saying, "Ha ha, you can't see the turnip." Carlos was about to break down and cry. But then, a sudden burst of anger gave him the strength to break away and flee.
Carlos ran and ran until he came to two people sitting around a fire in the hills. One was a large hulking figure wearing a cowboy hat and the other was slim, dark and he wore a black sombrero.
When they saw Carlos approaching, they passed him a pot. Carlos jumped for joy, for he could now say that he had a pot to piss in. And of course that is what he promptly did, much to the surprise to a certain young illegal immigrant named Jesus who had been hiding in the pot under a pile of invisible turnips since last Tuesday.
The surprised Jesus jumped up and watched as the relieved Carlos lumbered off happily. "Hey," Jesus thought, "My turnips are cooking even better now!" stirring in some small pieces of onions, "Looks like I've discovered a new ingredient. Guess I'll have to get married after all! Or buy a dog and a tree!"
The aroma of the simmering soup made everyone's stomach growl. The cowboy and the man in black came over to the pot holding out their bowls.
The man in black pushed past the cowboy. "Hey!" said the cowboy, "I was here first!" The man in black refused to move. The cowboy drew his gun. But the man in black was too fast for him. He dashed behind the cowboy, waving a thin sword. The cowboy said, "Ya missed me!"
"Oh?" said the man in black, "Then what's that on your back?"
The cowboy tried to look at his own back to no avail. He grabbed Jesus by the collar and demanded, "Is there anything written on my back?"
Jesus walked around behind the cowboy and took a good look. He then began to laugh, for scratched into the cowboy's shirt were the words, "My horse ran away to Mexico and all I got was this stupid shirt!"
The sound of a harmonica drifted sweetly on the night breezes.
For those of you who did not pay attention in Biology class, the ploctopus is a cross between a platypus and an octopus. It is known to dine exclusively on left-socks, which it severs from its victims after luring them to its lair with sweet harmonica music.
Entranced by this music, Carlos, Jesus, the cowboy, and the black-clad swordsman started sleepwalking towards the ploctopus.
They would have been captured by it, but the ploctopus was distracted by the smell of the piss/turnip soup. It promptly went over and devoured the pot and Jesus' left sock. After all of this was digested, the ploctopus turned blue. At that very moment, by sheer coincidence, it was squashed by a falling piano.
It seems that some penguins had escaped from the zoo and hijacked an airplane to fly them to Antarctica. But there was not enough fuel to get to Antarctica so they had jettisoned the heaviest piece of cargo, which had happened to be a grand piano.
"Now," the penguin leader said, "We can get down to business." Upon hearing this, the other penguins became very sad, because they had planned on building a piano-bar in Antarctica. It's not easy to come across a piano on the frozen tundra of Antarctica!