Dudley immediately rushed to the site of the train crash.
No, he did not exactly RUSH to the accident scene, but he did get there at the fastest possible "safe" speed. He did not get there immediately because he was too busy helping little old ladies cross the street.
By the time he did arrive at the crash site, it was too late. He found himself face to face with something that cannot be named. It cannot be named because to name it is to release its consciousness from an eternal prison too distant for our feeble cheese-riddled minds to comprehend.
But someone must have already named it, for it had entered into our universe creating chaos and discord among the nations of Earth. It could bring about the end of all things (cheese included). And its name was Martha Stewart.
"Pesto and grilled chicken!" said Martha Stewart, who had been dipping her fingers in the cheese sauce and licking them. As Martha took another dip in the sauce, Dudley sprang upon her and began to lick Martha from head to toe while reciting the "Abnormal Acts of Cheese Eating."
Meanwhile, back at the train wreck, rescuers and railroad personnel discovered the grisly remains of a woman who had been tied to the railroad tracks. She had been dismembered as the train had passed over her.
Could this be the body of Nell, the woman our hero Dudley had always rushed to rescue? If it is, will Dudley feel any remorse because he had been performing several unnatural acts with Martha Stewart while the love of his life was run over by a train?
Upon reaching the scene, Dudley immediately went to the dismembered and lifeless body and began to make bagpipes out of her internal organs! If that weren't awful enough, he then began to look up the dress of Dennis Rodman. Dennis had just happened upon the scene at this most precocious moment in time.
Seeing that the cuffs didn't match the collar, Dudley exclaimed with a mouthful of bagpipes, "You FIEND! It's time someone taught you a LESSON!" Dropping the bagpipes, Dudley raced to his horse to get his color chart.
Unfortunately, the horse was not where Dudley remembered leaving it. Not deterred, he stooped to pick up a small cardboard calendar from the ground. This calendar was similar to the ones you'll find at all your basic (and I DO mean basic) American banks.
Although this cheap calendar had no real significance (and I DO mean NO real sig... oh, alright already), what was written on the back of it, scrawled in Crayola crayon, WAS significant. It said, "The world looks mighty good to me because Tootsie Rolls are all I see."
Dudley realized this was a top secret code created by the FBI. Decoded it said that Dennis Rodman's dangley bits should not be seen in public, even if he wore a dress, and that it did not matter that there was not much to look at anyway even though they had grown to gigantic proportions.
Considering the fact that J. Edgar Hoover was prone to doing this, is it any wonder that the FBI should be a little "touchy" when it comes to this subject matter? Being aware of the politically charged nature of this coded message, Dudley DoRight decided to eat it.
As he chewed, he spotted another note on the ground. It read:
"Your horse has been kidnapped.
To find it you must
bring a bag full of candy,
the kind with nuts.
First find a land of giant roses
where the people all wear ice cream on their noses,
then cross a river of orange juice
to the forest of Gnoop, where the whirly-birds roost.
There you will see a row of shoe trees.
Find the one with holes in its knees.
Leave the candy under the tree,
then I'll set your horsie free."