"So this is Bemusia," Geraldo thought. "It sure isn't what I expected!" He'd expected a primitive wilderness, but it looked more like... Las Vegas!
Undaunted, Geraldo and his crew decided to try to find a native guide who would take them at least to the Sea of Sorrows. They went about this by going into every casino shouting into a bullhorn until finally they found a purple Bemusian wino named "Bleeble" who agreed to take them in exchange for some purple Bemusian wine.
Bleeble hailed a cab and they all climbed in.
Where to, Mac?" said the cabbie, over his dirty shoulder.
"Oh just shut up and drive!" bubbled Bleeble, waving his hand effeminately at the bulletproof divider. But the cabbie only raised an eyebrow before turning around and pulling the cab away from the curb. "Now, where were we?" gushed the drunken Bleeble the Bemusian, putting his big, gnarly hand on Geraldo's knee (which Geraldo found quite pleasing).
They drove through mountains and villages, over and under bridges and canyons, until they finally arrived at the world's largest Guinness book of world records competition (which actually won a prize, since it was the world's largest tourist-trap). They saw the world's biggest ball of twine, the world's most boring person, the world's ugliest baby, the world's oldest Twinkie, the world's biggest booger, and the least consequential person in the galaxy.
The least consequential person in the galaxy was reading the world's longest list of things nobody wanted to look at anyways. He was number 812 on the list. This bothered him terribly because he had used to be number one, but his recent fame from holding the world record for insignificance had made him less insignificant, and soon he would no longer be the world's most insignificant person. He didn't want to lose his title, so he decided to leave the contest and go home, where he would be more insignificant. No one noticed him leaving.
When the Guinness Festival was over, Bleeble led Geraldo by the hand to the shore of the Sea of Sorrows. "But I cannot accompany you any further," slurred the wino, "For no one knows where the Isle of Hope is, and the Sea of Sorrows is filled with many strange dangers, and I'm too young and good-looking to die!"
As their guide ran off, Geraldo realized that they had no boat. But just then, Geraldo's cameraman spotted a boat out to sea coming directly towards them.
The boat was filled with leftovers from the last puppet-movie. Three pigs wearing astronout outfits jumped off the boat and floated in the air, despite the fact that there is gravity on earth. Kermit the Frog yelled at them from somewhere near the stern of the ship, telling them to get their piggy butts back on the ship before they upset the ghost of Sir Isaac Newton, the inventor of gravity.
However, Kermit was too late. Newton's ghost was having a romantic holiday in Bermusia with the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. When Sir Isaac saw the floating pigs, he was so angry his law of gravity was being broken, he immediately whipped out a quill pen and parchment paper (You don't write a letter to God any other way) and began writing furiously.
"Dear God, enclosed, please find one (1) amendment to the Law of Gravity." The amendment read, "The law of gravity shall not be binding upon..." he then wrote in huge five-inch-tall letters, "PIGS!"
He then pulled out the famed apple that had helped him realize the law and bit into it, not noticing that Nosie the bookworm was currently gnawing on the other end. Both turned bright red as they noticed each other. Suddenly, Marilyn Monroe appeared beside Sir Isaac Newton and began singing the theme from her most little-known movie, "Apples Are a Ghost's Best Friend," which was made after her death and was only shown in Heaven. The film also starred Sir Isaac Newton playing the role of the apple. He donned his stem-and-leaf cap and kicked up his heels and danced around the room doing the irish step-jigs that he had always been so famous for. The co-star stepped up into her place and began to gently massage a fair-sized tuna. The tuna, also known as "chicken of the sea", undulated wildly while reciting evil gothic poetry.
"Die, die, die!," the tuna/chicken yelled, and everybody took his advice, and died on the spot. The tuna... er, chicken... whatever... took advantage of the sudden silence to dive into the water, where Geraldo and his crew were frantically swimmming after the boat.
But it was too late, for the boat and all its inhabitants were long gone. "Rats! What are we going to do now?" shouted Geraldo to no one in particular.
Just then, a circle of bubbles formed around the two of them. Geraldo looked angrily at his camera man who swore he didn't do it. He was about to prove it to Geraldo when, all of a sudden, from the depths of the deep blue sea, a giant Yellow Submarine floated to the top. In the circular windows, John, Paul, George, and Bingo (Ringo was on a well deserved break) waved and smiled.
Bingo opened a porthole and threw out a life-preserver. Geraldo and his crew grabbed onto it, and Paul and George reeled them in. Once they were all safely inside the little sub, Bingo closed the hatch again and the little sub descended to the bottom of the Sea of Sorrows while John made everyone some hot cocoa with little marshmallows.
As Geraldo sipped his cocoa, he looked through the porthole and saw George Lucas swimming after what looked to be small replica of Chewbacca holding his "50 chickens in three seconds" trophy. Followed closely behind him were all three of the world's only Siamese triplets! The reason they were so closely following Mr. Lucas was that his foot had gotten tangled in their umbilical cord! Not only did the cord contain several vital organs shared by all three twins, but it was also 7½ metres long and pierced with many metal studs and rings, which started to corrode in the salt water.
Not wanting to be seen with rusty body-jewelry (What would the folks back at the freak show say?) the triplets quickly removed all the rings and studs and threw them to the bottom of the ocean, where they were found by Jerry Springer (being that he is a bottom feeder).
Springer became very excited at the fact that there were actually Siamese triplets underwater, and felt like it was a good money-making ploy. So, not wanting to lose this grand opportunity, Jerry swam up to Brother #2 and told him that Brother #1 had slept with Brother #2's gay lover while Brother #3 watched. This infuriated Brother #2, who then whacked Brother's #1 and #3 upside their heads. Everyone in the ocean started to chant, "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...."