Sitting on a log was a cowboy playing a harmonica.
The cowboy was actually a troll selling toothpaste. The cowboy suit, harmonica, and desert were part of a movie set that was being used for a commercial.
The director yelled, "Action!" so the troll, who called himself "Texas Pete," rattled off the ad for Vitameatavegamin toothpaste. The jingle went:
"This is the legend of Texas Pete,
who never brushed his teeth or washed his feet.
He never had to draw his gun,
because his breath was enough to stun."
At this point, a gunslinger in black swaggered up to Pete and said, "Pardner, this town ain't big enough for the both of us."
Pete responded, "Pardner, this town WOULD be big enough for the both of us if you'd LOSE SOME WEIGHT!"
The gunslinger angrily replied, "Pardner, them's fightin' words. Ahm a-givin' you three seconds to draw yer gun: 1... 2..."
Pete drew his gun with exceptional speed. So quickly that the gunslinger didn't even see the pencil move. The gunslinger fell into Skipper's arms clutching his heart. He looked up at Skipper and said in the voice of a dying man, "Ack... cough... remember... to record.... Monty Python...."
Then a bright light shone on them and they heard the words, "CUT! That's a wrap." At this point the director was baffled by the amazing amount of talent Skipper had, so he asked him if he would agree to be in a Macaroni commercial with the famous loser Bob. Skipper agreed.
The commercial was to be shot on location in Old gay (as in happy you sick-minded people) Paris. Hopping onto a jumbo-jet, Skipper and the director were waited on hand and foot by Penguins.
Unbeknownst to Skipper, these Penguins were all his cousins. There was Wimpy, Wobbly, Little Klutz, and Fishbreath, the leader, who opened his tuxedo to reveal a bomb, saying, "Take this plane to Antarctica!"
Skipper started towards the penguin, but the director yelled, "CUT! NO, NO, NO! YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG! IT SHOULD BE LIKE...."
We interrupt this story to bring you something completely different: A cow, singing the National Anthem.
"Mooo moo mooo mooo mooo mooooooooooo!"
And now back to our story.
Skipper, the Penguins, the director, the film crew, Bob of the Boy Scouts, Texas Pete, the cow, the pilot and copilot, the firemen, the jugglers, and the roller-blading judge in drag were all dancing and singing the theme song.
"Moo MOOO MEOW BARK GROWL WOOF WOOF WHIMPER MOOR ERRRR ROOOUUUUR LAP LAP HISSSSSSSSS ACHHHOOOOOO!"
All of a sudden the pilot said, "Hey! Who's flying this plane?" But by then it was too late, for at that very moment, the airplane crashed into a mountain made of cottage cheese.
Thankfully, everyone was alive and unharmed. But the plane was totally destroyed in the crash. The director went to the cockpit to radio for help. All he got was static. He turned to the pilot and said, "Can't you do something about this?"
The pilot's head emerged from the rubble of the control panel. He said, "I'm givin' 'er all she's got! If I push any 'arder the whole thing'll blow!"
The director turned to the Penguins, "How's our food supply?"
They replied, "Sir, the food was destroyed in the crash. We are stuck on this cheese mountain with no food, no water, no radio, no supply of Playboy magazines.... WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE I TELL YOU! IT'S ALL OVER! OVER I TELL YOU! OVER!"
Skipper slapped the Penguin, "Get a hold of yourself! Someone will come and save us. If not, well then, we may have to eat each other in order to survive."
(suspense music)
The survivors of the crash (If a plane crashes on the U.S. - Canadian border, which country are the survivors buried in?) decided to draw lots to find out who should be the first to be eaten. And the lucky person who lost was none other than that all-time famous loser, Bob of the Boy Scouts.
But then, a tremendous shadow blotted out the Sun. It was a Giant preparing to eat his salad topped with cottage cheese. He plunged in his fork, got a good scoop, and the tiny plane and survivors were no more than bacon bits to him as he swallowed.