A single particle of dust was to change the fate of the universe.
It drifted down and gently landed on the right shoulder of a man named Endicott Squargle. This caused him to think he had dandruff, which caused him to stop off and get some dandruff shampoo. This in turn caused him to run five minutes behind schedule.
When the Secret Republic of Albanian Motorcyclists did not recieve a call from Endicott at precisely five o'clock as per their demands regarding the ransom of his beloved wife Freida, they retaliated by firing a missile filled with clam chowder at a passing cruise ship.
The legendary scientist, Ker'Plip Quagglebluff, was travelling on this cruise ship. He was putting the finishing touches on his greatest invention, a time machine. However, it still had a few bugs that had to be ferreted out. For example, it could take people into the past but they ended up on another planet instead of Earth.
Now a missile of clam chowder would be no problem for most people, but Ker'Plip had a rare allergy to it. Clam chowder made him break out in chives. Yes, chives! Those little green things we love so much on baked potatoes! But his chives were no ordinary chives. For you see, they were phsyco-killer-mutant-chives from Mars.
Ker'Plip managed to escape through his time machine to some other planet, but the evil chives were left behind on the ship.
And these chives were bent on world domination. So these crazed potato toppings began to dismantle the ship, piece by piece. As this was happenng our lovable and often misunderstood hero, Wolfboy, came upon the scene and scared all the chives into the ocean with a bottle of fake butter substitute. (and just for the record, I CAN believe it's not butter.)
All the evil toppings drowned or were eaten by the ship's crew along with their heaping servings of the Government Cheese. All but one chive that is. For this one resiliant little vegatable topping was really none other than Neil Gaiman! He would go on to write the book that would the fate of mankind. This book would come to have the title, "101 Recipes with Chives."
Now, this book would come to be read by a certain Mrs. Fungus Noseblower, who would then be inspired by it to change her religion to Eggplant Worship. When Mrs. Noseblower later became the assistant hedgehog-polisher at the Institute for the Study of Whether or Not a Tree Makes a Sound When It Falls in the Forest and No One Is Around to Hear It, she convinced her superiors to integrate eggplants into their studies in addition to trees. The eggplant program recieved high praise from the intellectual community, causing Mrs. Noseblower to be promoted to inventory taker and assigned to count all the trees in the Black Forest. Years later she finished her count and called a press conference to announce the results. But no journalist dared to enter the Black Forest, because it was infested with hedgehogs. So they all sent tape recorders instead.
Mrs. Noseblower sat in the Forest surounded by hundreds of (well, maybe ten) tape recorders. She was so excited that she died of a heart attack! No one was around except for all of the tape recorders. But they were recording when a tree FELL! Ten tape recorders got this noise on tape. These recordings made global headlines.
This meant that the story about Cletus, the famous spitting yak, who had been sent as a diplomatic envoy to the country of Argent, did not make the news. The year-long cheese factory strike in Argent threatened to make their free Government Cheese unavailable to the rich and famous.
Cletus, upon seeing that his story was not on the front page anymore, became so angry that he chewed up the newspaper and spat it out the window. It flew across the street and into an open window of the art museum, where it splatted against a wall and stuck there.
One day, a renowned art-critic spotted it and proclaimed it a masterpiece. The Louvre offered to buy it for a zillion Francs, but was refused. In the years that followed, the Yakspit became a national treasure. Its image was placed in elementary school textbooks, on coins and currency, and on the national flag. People named their children after it. Eventually, a religion developed around it, and people all over the world began converting to Yakspitism.
But a few malcontents refused to convert to the trendy Yakspitism. One of these was Wolfboy, who protested by founding his own religion. It was centered around the messages of coming doom that were revealed to him by the Government Cheese he had eaten. He had begun to call his religion "Cheesyism." He was now without any followers except for a large mouse. But the mouse would soon be banished from the church for nibbling on the Messiah.