Hollywood has always emphasized attractive actors in order to get butts in seats. Does anyone remember a little movie called Grease? Now you may recall the catchy lyrics or the whimsical dance numbers, but what I remember is a story about a girl who is not good enough for a boy so she becomes a big giant slut. She gives up everything that was important to her so she can be accepted by John Travolta. Grease 2 was the exact same movie with the sexes reversed. From a young age, no matter what you do you cannot avoid the unifying Hollywood message that you should change so people will be attracted to you. Now this is not a good message to America, unless of course you are dating me, then change is great. The years have not slowed the trend however, as even in newer fare such as She's All That, we see a guy only see how great a girl is underneath it all, but only after she also looks great outside. Eventually she accepts the guy, even though he really only likes her for her pretty looks. But Hollywood in the grand scheme of things isn't really that bad. We all knew that celebrities presented a beauty unattainable by almost all of America, that is without the help of a twelve pack.
My favorite television genre has found a way to defy all of us, and in the process raise the beauty bar for all of America, while hammering home the fact that you should change for other people. The worst show for this is Extreme Makeover. While I personally cannot watch this show because I get a bit squeamish at times, the basic premise is people have been insulted or unloved due to some abnormality or other and instead of accepting that it is a part of them, they decide to change their entire look. Now if a guy can't see past the fact that you only have one tooth, do you really want him anyway? Everything we see today seems to remind us that we must meet some ridiculous standard of beauty in order to find a mate. The corollary to that of course is that our standards for the opposite sex have gone up as well. Someone who may have piqued your interest three years ago now has a mole that he must have removed before you would ever consider dating him. Naturally, it's hard for me to truly understand this epitomizing the standard of beauty that is man, but I'll try to empathize.
On a serious note though, and I hate to admit it, it's not what's outside that's most important. In fact a whole song was written about this very fact with the lyrics "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife." While initial attraction is important, pretty people with bad personalities can appear ugly and less attractive people with good personalities can quickly become more attractive. If you're ugly then there's little I can do to help you. In fact, why are you even reading my column? We do have standards here at Abstinence and The Suburbs. But the truth is, we rarely are willing to investigate anything further then a cursory glance before casting someone aside. Perhaps that is just me being vain though, I don't really know.
Being single is probably the most difficult and also one of the most rewarding things anyone has the luck to experience in their lifetime. It affords us the freedom to find someone that both complements and compliments us. Dating someone out of fear of being alone is much worse then actually being alone. And that is why today, on February 13, I choose to celebrate my bachelorhood. I am going to write to television networks to see if we can get a show that starts with a bunch of couples and by the end they are all alone and miserable. Instead of rose ceremonies, we have Dear John letters handed to the contestants. Hallmark is also on my list of companies to contact. I want to be able to buy cards for my single friends that say things like "All I had to spend this holiday was $.99 for a card. Jim spent $100 on roses. What a loser".
The bottom line of holidays is that you cannot force emotions. The reason I am not upset during this Valentines is two fold. First, I hate spending money on something that will die within a week (which is also why I don't have any pets) and there are not many people I am pining after. While there may be some lucky ladies out there piquing my interest I enjoy my own company, so even if things with them don't work out I will still be ok. So on February 15, when all your coupled friends are waking up with empty wallets and all they have to show for it are dying flowers, a doggy bag from dinner, and your girlfriends smile fading from the excitement of the gold bracelet go out to your favorite store and buy yourself something nice. Be sure to tell the store clerk I sent you. He'll probably look at you funny, but hey, by now you should be content enough with yourself to know that the opinion of someone making minimum wage doesn't really matter. So enjoy your freedom, because as I remain mired in Abstinence and the Suburbs, I know I will.
