The New York Times
				Published: December 31, 2006
				So, you want to sleep with your Boss's Spouse?
					Walter Croknite
	So your boss has a drop dead gorgeous spouse and after the Christmas party all you can think about is getting them under the mistletoe. This article will highlight the best methods to pry them apart. By now your boss should have stopped reading the article and you are probably in a bit of trouble. In fact, it is likely the only chance you have to read the rest of this is after you return from your trip to HR, or the hospital. That really depends on what type of boss you have. We at The Low Standard apologize for any incovenience Boss Alert may have caused you or your family. Often times in the quest for good humor (jokes, not ice cream) someone is forced to suffer. Sorry to say my friend, but this time you were the butt of our little joke. We hope you continue to read TLS in the future and play this prank on your friends as well. I guarantee if you're not the one getting in trouble you will find it hilarious. If on a more somber note, you were fired over this joke we apologize. The good news is TLS will start posting jobs soon, and one is bound to be a great fit for you. Now that that unpleasantness is behind us, we really have very little left to say, so the rest of this filler page will be a stream of consciousness. Have you ever wondered why anyone in the world would ever vote for a democrat? I often times ponder that question and cannot help but come to the conclusion that they must all be on some sort of drug. Speaking of drugs, how much of a pain in the ass are those god damned child proof caps. We probably spend billions of dollars to develop ways so kids can't open an Advil container yet the streets are still littered with drug dealers, and while Ziploc bags can sometimes pose a problem, I bet they aren't preventing kids from getting their dope inside. Dope makes me think of Dopey from Snow White. Do you think they would be allowed to make a movie like that today, or would people get upset that the word white is in the title and the cartoon was not ethnically diverse enough for modern America? I would venture to say they would have to recast that movie with a minority lead, re-name the dwarves horizontally challenged. Perhaps if we use an Asian (not oriental, that is a rug not people) lead we can name the movie Yellow Snow. The moral can be something along the lines of don't eat the yellow snow. Speaking of eating, aren't way too many people fat these days? I mean, I don't go to the gym either and I'm pushing 180 on the scale, but as long as my ass fits nicely into a movie seat, airplane, or a two person couch I'm ok. But how do people get so big that they can barely get through a doorway. Remember that guy who was so fat he couldn't leave his bedroom? Where did he get the food from? I think if someone brought it to him, they should be arrested for being an idiot. On another note, I think there are too many idiots in the world too, but that's another conversation for another day. Whenever I think of days I think of the soap opera Days of our Lives. If it really is an opera, why isn't there more singing. I would love to see a one hour musical episode of a soap opera. They can even use Country music to express their love for a long lost sister or brother who they slept with before they knew the truth and then impregnated with their child who will also be their half-sibling. I'm pretty sure Reba did a song along those lines. Ok, if I wanted to keep ranting I may as well just write another article, of which you can also find on TLS.