If you already have a repoir with your mark you may continue on to step 4, otherwise continue reading. If your mark works on the same floor as you making contact is easy. You can either take the long way to the bathroom to pass by their cubicle or start printing to the other side of the office as an excuse to pass by them. Inevitably, after seeing you pass on a regular basis you will make eye contact with your mark. Upon the commencement of eye contact you are obligated to begin small talk with your mark or appear rude and uppity (both of which will prevent you from befriending them). Small talk eventually leads to deeper more meaningful conversations involving such fascinating topics as how much work sucks and how your weekend was!
For all of you who have found a mark on a different floor, you are not forgotten. Choose a new favorite soda that only the vending machine on their floor dispenses. All the soda’s in the vending machine the same? A little gum in the change slot of your machine should create weeks of mass confusion as your company attempts to “diagnose the problem” and “come up with an effective solution”. This will provide you with enough time on your marks floor to engage in the activities listed above.
An important note to all is to ensure you read the signs correctly, that the mark is in fact interested in you and not simply being polite by listening to your incessant ramblings. After a few weeks of this stage of the relationship (less if you are very smooth and work fast) you will be ready for step 4.
Step 4: Planning Happy Hour with your mark
We all must face the harsh reality that of our eight-hour workday we have to actually be busy for at least 10% and appear busy for about 85%, leaving us with 5% of our time to talk to co-workers and use the restrooms. This pithy amount of time does not allow for substantial conversation with your mark. After the first five minutes all eyes are upon you wondering why you are not busier. If you stay too long you may get fired or even worse, be given more work to do. In order to truly engage your mark outside of general pleasantries you need to meet them out of work.
Many bars are keenly aware of the dissatisfaction many of us face with our everyday lives and have opened locations right next to our offices so as our day ends we can immediately commence drinking. After coming to the conclusion that you are ready to ask your mark out for drinks you need a plan. This can pose the greatest challenge that you will face in starting your secret office romance. Only inviting your mark may appear too forward and scare off a person who may be interested in you. Following our advice will allow you to conveniently skirt this problem.
First, find out a day your mark can definitely go by telling them a bunch of people are going out, and you are trying to find a convenient day. Once you discover a day your mark is available revolve the plan around that information. Next, invite some co-workers to join you for a few drinks after work. The problem naturally is, if they come it may stifle your ability to make a move on your mark since this is supposed to be a secret office romance. In order to prevent this problem invite individuals who are social misfits. Those individuals whose greatest interaction with other people takes place at a Star Trek convention. They will certainly be too afraid to participate in the event that doesn’t require a tricorder, leaving just you and your mark to your own laurels.
This plan not only makes you look magnanimous for inviting a number of people, you can throw off your mark by having them think you are truly trying to spend time with your co-workers. Now that the trap is set and your plans are solidified you can move on to step 5.