Part 3
Most people are well aware of the fact that alcohol is the great equalizer. You may not be smooth, you may not be that attractive, or have a ten year plan in life but after a few drinks all that is irrelevant. In order to appear smart, funny, and informed you may want to think of a few topics of discussion before going out for drinks. In case you are stumped here are a few topics you may find useful:
1. What’s your favorite book/ movie/ musical group/ TV show (You should always ask your mark this first then agree with whatever they say, to appear to have a lot in common)
2. One interesting thing you have done that few others have (feel free to embellish on actual events. For example: (The time you returned extra change to a cashier quickly becomes how you prevented a store theft!)
3. Avoid topics such as religion, your sexual history (especially a lack thereof), and any strange physical abnormalities you may harbor.
Preventing awkward moments of silence is the most imperative part of this step. In addition to talking about yourselves you should try to break the “touch barrier”. Not in that can I borrow your stapler office way. Choosing to either wipe something off your marks face or brush your hand across theirs while “tasting” their beer is a good first move. If your mark is interested they too will break the touch barrier and you are home free.
The final part of this step is to convince your now inebriated mark to go out with you on the weekend. Since your mark is under the influence you have an easy opportunity to move in for the kill. Simply, mention that since you two are having such a good time you should do it again during the upcoming weekend. Naturally, you should feel free to take creative license with what you say, because sounding cool is never underrated. Assuming your mark agrees to go out with you again, you may move on to step 6, otherwise return to step one and start over with a new mark.
Step 6: Going on a date with your mark
Unlike most first dates, if you err on this one not only will you be unable to start your S.O.R. but work will be intolerable thinking what you screwed up. It is important to come up with a plan that you know will put your mark at ease and have a good time. Most first dates are filled with a nervous tension that you must eliminate by making the right plan. Each mark is different and deserves special attention, however a fancy dinner and a nice lounge afterwards for a few cocktails has always puts me at ease.
Depending on your gender you may opt to pick up or meet your mark somewhere for the date. Picking them up means you inevitably must drop them off or retrieve your car. This predicament will force your polite mark to invite you inside for a nightcap, and more if you can swing it. Not picking them up may mean a parting of ways at the end of cocktails and a long trip home alone.
The most uncomfortable part of most first dates is generally the need to fill the awkward silences with idle chatter about ridiculous topics such as the weather. Lucky for you, you already know a bit about your mark, and have “office war stories” that you can share and laugh about. Whenever you feel a moment of silence coming on joke about the co-worker who wore the white shoes after Labor Day, all people can enjoy laughing at others’ faux pas.
As the evening progresses you may feel the need to continue to drink. While some people may think drinking too much may be a bad thing, I say the lower the inhibitions the better the time! Again, depending on your gender you may choose to either pick up the whole, or your half of the tab. Some men out there think women are equals and want to be treated as such. This is propaganda spread by the feminist movement and listening to it will get you nowhere, so pick up the check you cheap bastard! Women, you may think men like it when you pick up half the tab. Again, this is a myth spread by those same feminists, feel free to offer but if you are rejected a grateful thank you and a quickie in the bathroom is more then acceptable.
After the evening proceeds into the after dinner activity you will have to feel things out. If you are getting signs; the breaking of the touch barrier, hands on your knee, your mark telling you they want to take you back to their place, etc. then things are going well. The last caution I can offer is not to get in any deeper then you are willing to go again. If this is in fact the beginning of a S.O.R. then you will be obligated to perform the same dirty deeds you did on the night of your first date in the much smaller confined Janitor’s closet at work. There is one little problem that was not addressed in this step, but will be thoroughly covered in Step 7.