A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi, This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, Please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
Hi, Now you say something.
Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Hello, I am David's answering machine. What are you?
Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon.
If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub and their carpets are clean. They give to charity throught their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
This is not an answering machine, this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling and I'll think about returning your call.
If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message
I lost my number can I have yours?
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house?
Am I dead Angel, cuz this must be heaven!
Baby, somebody better call God cuz he's missing an Angel!
You look like an angel. Welcome to earth.
Do you know karate cuz your body is really kickin'
When I marry you I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.
Do you have a quarter cuz my mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.
Should I call you for breakfast or will you cook it for me?
Girl, you look so good, I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock.
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
When's our wedding?
You have some nice jewelry. It would look good on my nightstand.
Do you have a map cuz I'm getting lost in your eyes.
Do you have a library card, cause I want to check you out!
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to tinker with.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
I never knew Barbie Dolls came fully grown.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I'm no glass of milk, but I can still do your body good.
Someone call the cops cuz it's got to be illegal to look that good.
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until noon.
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a
serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet
Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename
the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an
ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF
factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points
out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and
exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play
animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love
you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are
SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on
the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to
scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as
you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...
I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere..." I think I'll take a break and check my E-mail!