AA- A place to go and meet after a long night out, to say sorry and find a nice girl if you havn't pullled earlier.
ABSTRACT- A style to paint in if you want to look "Arty" but havn't really got any talent
ACCELERATOR- The pedal in a car used for changing gear
ACE- Meaning all things good
ADDICT- Possible girlfriend
AESTHETICS- Fuck knows
AFFIX-Some drugs
AGENT- A thief with the law on his side
AHA- Scandinavian pop group
AISLE- A place to be avoided
AJAR- A pint of beer
AKA- Detroit rapper
ALBUM- Serveral million quid for 3 months work
AMBASSADOR- A man who really spoils you
AMERICA- A place where l don't sell many records
AMOUR- Something French birds say a lot
AMBULANCE - Vehicle for non Port Vale fans to go home in
ANGELS - A totally ace song
ANOREXIA- Something l don't need to worry about
ANORAK- A totally ace overcoat
ANUL-RETENTION- Something l'm getting better at
APOLOGY- Something Father's owe
AQUARIUM- A swimming pool for fish
ARSE- The polite word for bottom
ATTRACTIVE- Bust measurement
AUDIENCE- People who pay for your holidays
AUSTRALIA- Place that doesn't think Angels is an ace song
AVENGER- A rubbish car
AWARD- Doorstep
AXLE- An old bloke with tattoos
AYE- Something deaf people say
AZTEC- Inventors of the camera
BASTARD- A nothern word for mate
BACKFIRE- Something to blame on the person stood nearest
BACKGAMMON- A method of losing money quickly
BACKING SINGER- A last resort
BALLISTIC- A way of reacting to inferior hotel rooms
BALL- A singular playmate
BALLROOM- Bigger pants
BAND- Cool people that call you "Man"
BANDAGE- Average 32
BAREBACK- A game that ends at the CSA
BARLOW- That bloke from Coronation Street
BEAVER- A scary furry thing
BEANO- A good read
BECKHAM- A bloke not quite as good at footie as me
BED- Heaven on Earth
BEDSORE- Need a night off
BERET- A hat l havn't tried yet
BESPOKE- A suit designer
BETWIXT- Have a chocolate finger
BIBLE- Somewhere you are encouraged to swear
BILLY- New best mate
BIMBO- A potential girlfriend
BIRD- Ditto above
BISEXUAL- Normal
BLADDERED- Ready to go home
BOLLOCKS- A casual denial
BOTTOM- A profanity for arse
BOWLICK- A yummy appetiser
BOYBAND- Previous employment
BREAST- A singular playmate
BUTTERNUT- A high calorie plum groper
BYPASS- "Do you have a pulse?"
CAMERA- A target for gobbing practise
CAMERAMAN- A warning from a band-member
CAN- A measure of beveridge
CANNY- Questioning a man's ability
CAP- A highly fashionable piece of headwear
CAPTAIN- A hat-box
CAR- A lethal weapon in my hands
CARESS- A late night command
CARPET- A knee and elboe grazing substance
CASH- An excuse to play pocket billiards
CASHIER- A command to your Record Company
CASINO- A loud carpet exhibition
CASTRATE- Plumectomy
CAT- A dusting device
CDS- Thing l don't sell many of in AMerica
CHAFERS- Starched pants
CHASTITY- Fuck knows
CHIC- A titled flat cap
CHINS- I use to have a couple
CHARM- My old school
CIGARETTE- A breathing device
CLASHING- A unison of clothing
CLASS- A British system for ignoring worth
CLEAVAGE- Head-space
CLINIC- A place where everyone likes you
CLITORIS- Fuck knows
CLOSET- A place with turn-style doors
COCAINE- A dental analgestic
COKE- Never heard of it
CHARLIE- No, don't know what you mean and neither do my mates
CRAP- A self-assessment
CUP- Something Port Vale havn't won yet
CEEYOUENTEE- Acronynm for the tabloids
DAB- Less than a cheeky half
DAMNATION- The Netherlands
DAMP-PATCH- The place girls should sleep
DAMSON- A free-kick casualty
DANCER- An accusation of the mono-browed
DANDY- A good read if the Beano is sold out
DAYLIGHT- The bit after lunch
DEBATE- The words before the first punch
DEBAUCHED- Fuck knows
DECK- To successfully punch
DEFECATION- Dropping the kids off at school
DEFLATE- An act to blame on the nearest dog
DEMONIC- To play with small tea-sets
DENIAL- The state l'm staying in in America
DENTIST- Bad driver
DEPRAVED- Somthing to aspire being
DEDICATION- What Roy Castle had
DEUTCH- Half of my German vocabulary
DEVIANT- A normal person
DICE- Cubes with acne
DIET- The absense of pies
DIPSOMANIAC- What Stephen Fry called me
DIRTY- Things that you get slapped for touching
DOG- A dusting device
DOG- alternate definition, my last 3 girlfriends
DOMESTIC- Jon
DOWN- A command for more haste
DUMBO- A elephant with big ears
DUREX- Anti paternity suit device
DYKE- A challenge
E-The most popular letter with clubbers
EARS- What's wrong with them
WARRING- Something l stopped wearing around 1994 which drew attention to above
EARLY- 12.00 noon
EARPHONES- Safety gear for Ricky Martin gigs
EARTH- The person "love" telephones
EASY- Pays for her own cab
EASTENDERS- My musical showcase programme
EATING- What l do whilst talking
EAU- Sparkling vodka
ECMNESIA- Can't remember....
ECSTATIC- Shock given off by eggs
ECTOPLASM- Rachel's hairspray
EGOCENTRIC- Mentally stable
ELECTRIFYING- Olivia Newton-John's power company
ELEMENTARY- Dear Watson's first name
ELEGANCE- Something l confuse with wealth
ELEPHANT- Animal with big ears
ELEVATION- A poot effort of an errection
ELIGIBLE- Alive
ELONGATION- A painful but worthwhile operation
ELVIS- The founder of Alcoholics Anonymous
EMASCULATION- Fuck knows
EMBARRASSING- Your mum's knickers
EMBASSY- Place to pull
ENERGETIC- Helping her to get on top
ENGAGED- A close escape
ENGLAND- A football team
ENTERTAIN- Something you let me do
ERRECTION- A singular playmate, or a game for 2, 3, 4!!!
EROTIC- Just about anything after 10 Red Bulls
ETERNITY- Something freedom is looking for
EUTHANASIA- The biggest fear of barry Manilow fans
EVENING- Time to remove pyjamas and get dressed
EVERGREEN- Will Young's Greatest Hit
EXTRA- TERRESTRIAL- A short man with my dad's eyes
EYES- Something to pull with
EYEBROWS- Something to shave as a fashion statement
EYELASHES- Something to flutter at the Laydees
FACT- A word or phrase banned by the Press Association
FAG- An accessory (alt. Jon)
FAILURE- Fuck knows
FAIRY- Lary Grayson
FAIRLY- To not get caught
FAITHFUL- To not get caught
FAITHLESS- Mr Jazz
FALL-OUT- Pants too small
FAME- Getting Christmas cards from strangers
FARA FAUCETT- A hairstyle guru
FASCISTS- Bigger boys
FATHERHOOD- Red Riding's dad
FAT- No bones protruding
FEAR- The hours between sleep
FEE- An envelope David looks after
FEMINIST- Frigid women
Festival- Muddy people sign your songs
FIDDLE- Self-Handling
FICKLE- Changing your dog to match the sofa
FIGHT- The physical discussion of your Father's height
FIL- A pulling device
FILM- Stories they forgot to put me in
FIRED- To agree to leave
FLATULENCE- Someone else's doing
FLIES- Alternatative entrance
FLIRT- Refrain from asking for a shag
FLOATER- One that won't go away
FOOTBALL- A religion based on the word of Des
FORMULA- Rob + Guy = Cash
FRAPPUCCINO- Al's older brother
FREDDY- A chip off the old block
FUZZ- Plum hair
GAILY- In the manner of the Gallagher brothers
GALLERY- A fee cheese and wine cafe
GAMBLE- Donation of money to opponents
GAME- Up for it
GANG-BANG- A Spice Girls and Take That reunion
GANJA- No idea your honour
GARLIC- A French contraceptive device
GARETH GATES- A worthly loser
GASEOUS- Mohammed Ali's original first name
GASTEROENTERTIS- Being drunk in public
GATE-CRASH- Park a bit too close to the hpuse
GAY- To come down on one side
GAZZA- No l can't understand a word he says either
GARY- Do l know anyone of that name
GARY- A member of the band
GENETIC- Not your fault
GENIAL- Better with a T
GEOLOGY- To study ones rocks
GERI- The abbreviated form of Geraldine (ouch!)
GERMANY- The footballing nemesis
GESTICULATE- Avoid being quoted swearing again
GIG- Ave l? Where? When?
GIRLIE- Guy-like
GLASTONBURY- A place full of mud and hippies (man)
GLORY- Days Port Vale will never see
GOATEE- A beard for the indecisive
GOAL- Any hole
GOD- Des Lynham
GOLF- An excuse to wear pink and lemon
GOSSEBERRY- Furry green grape with pinstriped suit
GOSPEL- A holy truth, but only according to 4 blokes
GRACELANDS- The un-ideal home exhibition
GRAMAPHONE- Machine for playing Barry Manilow albums
GRAPPLE- Frantic self-handling
GRATITUDE- An emotion expressed to avoid paying
GREEN- Good colour, especially for eyes
GRIM- An adjective to describe sweaters
GROUCHOS- A mutal-appreciation society
HAIR- Something to keep under a flat cap
HAIRCUT- What's wrong with it?????
HALF-TIME- A cheeky interlude
HALLUCINATION- Cameron Diaz in my bed
HAND- Cigarette holder
HANDBALL- An instinctive reaction
HAPPINESS- Something always out of reach
HASHISH- Bless you
HAZARD- A Williams behind the wheel of a car
HEADACHE- A half-hearted excuse
HEADMISTRESS- A blowing expert
HEALTHY- Jogging to the shops for fags
HEAVEN- Bed
HEDONISM- Fuck knows
HEIGHT- Depends who's asking
HELL- Trapped in an elevator with Haliwell
HELPMATE- Jon
HERBAL- Ineffective and smelly
HERDITARY- Things to blame on me dad
HEROIN- A step too far
HETEROSEXUALS- People who talk about other people's sex lifes
HISTRIONIC- Explaining yourself clearly
HOME- Where your mam is
HORNY- Awake
HOWARD- Everyone alright for nibbles?
HUGE- 4 inches
HUMANE- Letting her get dressed before you call the taxi
HUNGRY- AKA the Halliwell diet
HUSBAND- Angry bloke
ICE- Furniture for drinks
ICING- Joke coke
IDEALIZE- To imagine Cameron Diaz had breasts
IDLE- Very tired
IDOL- Will Young, apparently
IDOLIZE- Betty Davis
ILLEGITIMATE- Stoke City supporters origins
ILLOGICAL- Fancying Gary Barlow
ILLUSION- Guy looking cool
IMMATURE- To not agree with me
IMMENSE- 4 inches, honest
IMMODEST- Having the best pants and showing them
IMPEARL- To "Decorate" with fluid
IMPATIENT- Fuck knows, move on.....
IMPEDE- To "Decorate" with the wrong fluid!
IMPERFECT- Not reaching minimum standard required
IMPENETRABLE- Not much
IMPOTENT- Fuck knows
INANE- Posh Spice
INCAPACITY- A benefit due to Ricky M
INCLINED- A two way route
INFERTILE- Shut up!
INCOME- An invitation
INCONCEIVABLE- To hit the sheets
INCREDIBLE- An All Saints "greatest Hits" compilation
INDECENT- Fun
INDISCRETE- Saying you've shagged someone on Parkie- sorry!
INDIRECT- Will you shag my friend first?
INSANITY- Listening to ventriliquism on the radio