To Be Forgotten
By Alison

Part 2

Even at 11 o'clock at night, the hospital was busy. Kaoru never was too fond of the hospital, and he knew that Toshiya hated it even more. The cleanness and pureness of it was making Kaoru sick. It was most likely the color (or lack of it) that probably got to him the most, as he was sitting there is the waiting room. The whiteness made all the other colors stand out too much, seem too sharp and out of place. And then there was the smell of the place…

Kaoru was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even see the other members of Dir en grey enter the hospital. He jumped when arms went around his shoulders in a comforting gesture. He turned and saw Shinya.

"What happened Kaoru? And how is Toshiya doing?" Die asked.

Kaoru paled at the first question. Kyo noticed this, but decided to keep quite and hear what Kaoru said. Kyo wasn't surprised when Kaoru simply skipped over answering the first question, and went on to the next one.

"I don't know how he is doing." Kaoru said shakily. "The doctors won't tell me anything. I…don't know."

Kyo narrowed his eyes. "Die, why don't you and Shinya find out how Toshiya is doing? I will stay here with Kaoru."

Shinya looked at Kyo's expression and didn't argue.

"Kaoru." Kyo said when Die and Shinya were out of earshot. "What happened to Toshiya? I saw that look on your face when Die asked you about it. What happened?"

Kaoru looked at Kyo, tears filling his eyes. "It's my fault. Its all my fault."

"Tell me what happened."

"We got into a fight today. I can't even remember what we were fighting about." Kaoru paused and gave a sorrowful smile. "I got mad at him for allowing the girl at the bar to hang all over him. We didn't leave right away after you guys left, Toshiya had to hard of a time getting rid of that bitch. When she did leave he got up and left, without so much as even looking at me or saying good-bye or anything. I chased after him. He was walking on the river ledge and I grabbed his arm. We fought and I…" Kaoru hesitated, not wanting to think about or tell Kyo what he had said to Toshiya.

"You what?" Kyo asked, urging Kaoru to go on.

"I said some cruel stuff and upset him. He said it was over between us…"

Kyo's eyebrows shot up in surprise, he couldn't imagine Toshiya actually wanting to end the relationship. "Your kidding…right?" Yet, cruel and inappropriate at the time as it was, Kyo couldn't help but feel a brief flash of hope.

"No." Kaoru moaned and buried his face in his hands, earning some strange looks from the people who were passing by.

Kyo tugged on his arm. "You still haven't told me how Toshiya hurt himself."

Kaoru rubbed his eyes and continued telling Kyo what happened. "Toshiya began to walk away and I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. He lost his balance and feel backward off the ledge! It is all my fault, Kyo! It is my fault that Toshiya is lying in a hospital bed possibly dying right now!"

Kyo didn't get a chance to reply, since Die and Shinya came back at that moment, followed by a doctor.

Kaoru jumped up and grabbed the doctor, shaking him. "Will Toshiya be okay? What is wrong with him??"

The doctor frowned and wretched himself from Kaoru's grasp. "If you will please calm down I will tell you. You friend will live, surprisingly. A fall like that would kill most people. And even more miraculous is the fact that he didn't even brake or anything. His left shoulder has been dislocated, but that will heal in a few weeks."

"Can we see him now?" Kyo asked.

"I suppose, but he is unconscious. Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients to see to." The doctor gave a quick, forced, hospital smile then walked away, leaving the members of the band on their own.

Kaoru was the first to get his barings straight and shot off in the direction of Toshiya's room, Shinya, Die, and Kyo following at a less frantic pace.

Toshiya looked even paler than normal, lying in the hospital bed. His color didn't stand out from the whiteness, almost blended in. But his hair was a big contrast from the white all around it. The hair that Kaoru had loved to run his fingers through so much.

Kaoru sat down in a chair nest to the bed and took Toshiya's hand in his own. For the first time he could remember, the hand didn't squeeze back, this upset Kaoru even more

*

One week later…

Kaoru sighed as he trudged down the hospital corridor towards Toshiya's room. He stopped at the coffee machine and got two cups (one would never be enough), then he continued on his way: making a left at the first hallway, going through the third door on his right, than taking a left again. It was the same thing everyday.

Today, however, Kaoru didn't get to finish his pattern. Something felt…different. He quickened his pace, praying that nothing was wrong.

The coffee cups fell out of his hands and splashed all other the clean white floor when he walked into Toshiya's room, but Kaoru ignored the brown puddle. Three pairs of eyes turned to look at him. One pair was the doctor's, one pair was Kyo's, and one pair was Toshiya's.

Kaoru was at Toshiya's side in a second and gripped Toshiya's hand in his. "Oh Toshiya, Toshiya, Toshiya…please Totchi…forgive me? I am so so sorry! I didn't mean what I said and I never meant to hurt you…" Kaoru went on babbling as Toshiya gave Kyo a confused look.

Toshiya smiled slightly at Kaoru and awkwardly removed his hand from Kaoru's. "You will have to forgive me, but…I can't seem to remember who you are. Where do I know you from?"

Kaoru's jaw dropped. "To-…Toshiya! I said I was sorry! Please don't do this to me!"

Toshiya bit his lip and stared at Kaoru intently for a minute and then slowly shook his head, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. "I…I can't! I don't remember!"

The doctor chose that moment to speak up. "Kaoru-san? If you could please step outside, there is something I need to talk to you about."

Kaoru looked at the doctor and then back at Toshiya, who was wiping the tears from his eyes with his shirtsleeve. Kyo coughed. Kaoru could take a hint. He nodded and followed the doctor out into the hallway, with Kyo trailing behind.

"Why is he saying he doesn't remember me, Kyo?" Kaoru demanded as soon as they were in the hallways and out of Toshiya's earshot.

"Your friend in suffering from amnesia." The doctor told him.

"Wha-…what?" Kaoru asked, disbelief etched onto his face.

"Yes. But it is very strange case. Toshiya-san has not forgotten everything. He remembered he played bass in a band, although he didn't know which one or anything about it. He vaguely recognized Mr. Kyo-san here and your red haired friend, and he remembered quite well your other friend, although he didn't recall any of the names. Actually, the only things Toshiya-san had problems remembering were the band and everything related to it. But…he didn't seem to remember you at all…"The doctor trailed off with a thoughtful look on his face. "Yes, very interesting indeed! We call this type of thing selective amnesia. (Alison: Is there such a thing? *shrugs* There is in this fic! ^^;) That is when the person only for gets a certain thing, usually for a specific reason deep in their subconscious. Yes, very very interesting. If you will excuse me now, I have to discuss this with some of the other doctors."

The doctor gave a quick bow and walked away from Kaoru and Kyo, mumbling to himself about Toshiya's condition.

Kaoru watched after him helplessly. His mind in a jumble he turned around to go back into Toshiya's room and came face to face with Die and Shinya.

"Kaoru…we all have to talk…about how we are going to handle this," Die said, putting a hand on Kaoru shoulder.

"Yeah…I guess we should…"

*

Kaoru picked idly at his lunch. Nobody seemed to have much of an appetite that day. Finally Kyo pushed his plate away from him and cleared his throat.

"I think it is pretty obvious that Toshiya will not be able to go back to living how he was."

Shinya arched his eyebrow, "I assume you are trying to tell us something Kyo?"

"Yeah. I think Toshiya should move back in with me."

Kaoru chopsticks clattered nosily against his plate as they were dropped. "What?!"

"Well doesn't it seem like a good thing to do? I mean, after all, he doesn't even remember you! Shouldn't he at least be around stuff that he remembers? And besides, I have the space." Kyo insisted. Shinya and Die murmured in agreement.

A smile broke out on Kyo's face. "So it is settled then!" Kaoru was too shocked to reply.

...to be continued...

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