From Toshiya With Love

by Arashi

~Part 1 ~

*Dear…XX
Let me tell you about my love. He plays the guitare. He's the best.
He hardly ever plays sweet songs but it doesn't matter, his sound
moves me so much. He's so much more than music… my Kao Kao. No one
else's Kao Kao. No one calls him that. Except me in my heart. And…
he's mine. Nobody can love him like I do, no one!!! But I'm drifting
away now. My Kaoru. He hardly ever smiles to me. We don't share any
knowing looks and smiles… but when he does…my heart melts, it's like
his face radiates with sunlight making the black ice in my heart fade
a little. But… he doesn't smile for me noq. His heart breaking
smiles. I don't think he'll be aiming them at me ever again. I want
to…just…hold him in my arms…a long time…Just to be closer to him then
I ever could. Once in a show, I was doing my solo part, he came
behind me…a little hug…I hadn't seen his face at all. I'd continued
playing without any problem…but he had come closer, kissing my cheek,
and that's when I recognized him…and messed up a couple of notes of
my solo. The crowd was going crazy so they never noticed but, Kaoru's
unfaillible ear had. And he'd never come up to me again. Ever. The
only time. The only time he was close to me. Can't I have it back?
Over and over again, replay these few seconds, not only in my mind
but for real?

I love him. Isn't that clear? I guess not.
--Toshiya, who guesses it isn't worth writing about my Kao Kao when
it only makes me want to cry.*

***

Toshiya was sitting stiffly beside Die, on one of the seats of their
tiny, cramped up tour bus. Of course he had to sit to his best
friend's side, it was just how things worked. Or rather, Die had made
sure he got beside Toshiya, and the blue head really couldn't have
made up an excuse to move away. Kaoru, he noted, had installed
himself as far from them as possible…which wasn't very far indeed.
But, at least, Kaoru and Die weren't together. Kaoru and Die…what a
couple…

And it was so wrong. Die, funny, friendly Die, always ready to make
some wicked plans with Toshiya. Kaoru, so nice and gentle, so serious
and handsome…so perfect for Toshiya…but Toshiya wasn't perfect for
him. Die was, even if it didn't make any sense.

They stayed silent for a long time, following the long stretches of
road, nervous about their first performance of the Macabre tour,
which was going to be that evening. Kyo was sleeping, Shinya
listening to some music, and the others simply lost in thoughts. Die
finally brought them back to earth.

"I'm so hungry!" he exclaimed, looking around to see if anyone had
acknowledged him.

Toshiya made an effort to be pleasant. "So am I," he said
conversationally, "I hope we get there soon."

"If we can get out of that traffic jam it shouldn't be long," Die
replied, looking through the window, a relieved smile set on his
face. It was the first time Toshiya had talked to him normally since
their last practice, since the terrible second when Die and Kaoru had
been surprised in the worst position ever…considering the
circumstances.

"It's clearing up further away in front," Kaoru informed them from
his window side, his eyes lingering over Die and Toshiya's figures.

"Ah well, I'll be sleeping until we get there," Toshiya said,
snuggling close to Die. The red head stretched an arm to surround the
slim yet masculine shoulders, and Toshiya let out a contented sigh
and smirked at Kaoru before closing his eyes.

*There you go, Kaoru. Don't you dare trying to steal my best friend,
you're not supposed to be with him, your supposed to be with me, got
that! I won't let you get closer, I'm gonna rip you two apart!*

They arrived shortly to the hotel room, where they still had a little
time to eat. They always rented a small, private dining room during
their tour, and today was no exception.

Toshiya freshened up in his room for a moment and went to join them,
but when he stepped in he saw that there were two small dining
tables, one which hosted Kyo and Shinya, and the other where Die and
Kaoru sat. Toshiya hesitated in the doorway. He wanted to be with Die
and Kaoru, of course, but he knew he'd strangle them if they started
acting lovey-dovey!

"You sit with us, Toshiya?" Shinya asked with his usual calm voice…
Well, it was usually calm when he talked with anyone but Die, his
archenemy.

Toshiya nodded, glancing in Kaoru's way before pulling out a chair.
The two oldest men were busy talking in low voice about something
private.

"Are you guys nervous?" Kyo asked, his mouth half-full, after a long
moment of silence. Both Shinya and Toshiya glanced at the table
beside them and their eyes met.

"Yes," they said in one voice. "But we'll do great, uh?" Toshiya went
on, still with a side glance.He met Kaoru's eyes and immediately
concentrated himself on observing Shinya's pretty face instead.
Shinya looked so edgy right now, pretty much like Toshiya.

Their eyes met again when Die and Kaoru got up with a smile at them,
before leaving the room quietly, mysteriously, Kaoru pushing Die
slightly away from him. The two bishounen stared at them for a
moment, each thinking that he was better have a good talk with the
other.

Kyo retreated to his own room, and Toshiya took the opportunity. "Die
and Kaoru sure look close these days, don't you think?" Toshiya asked.

Shinya's eyes quickly looked away. "So what if they do?"

"So what if they do?" Toshiya mimicked. "The way you looked at them
makes it clear you do care," he said affirmatively.

Shinya stared at him sharply. "Look who's talking."

Toshiya shrugged and reached to the center of the table, where he
took Shinya's long, delicate fingers between his. "You tell me which
one you like, ne? I won't repeat it."

Shinya pushed his hand away. "You tell me first," he retorted, "and I
am very well aware that I betrayed myself by saying that, so you
better tell me."

Toshiya felt his cheeks redden. "Okay… I hope that won't make us
rivals…"

The bassist got around the table and bent to whisper in Shinya's ear,
a hand placed on the opposite shoulder. "I…I've fallen in love with
Kaoru," he murmured shyly, then looked into Shinya's gray eyes.

To his relief a grin spread on the drummers face and he sighed in
relief, throwing his arms around Toshiya's neck. "Toshiya, that's
great!" he exclaimed. "There's not way Kaoru can chose old stupid Die
over you!" Shinya smiled again.

*Too bad it already happened,* Toshiya thought bitterly. Then he
realized that Shinya was still hugging him. He wrapped his arms
around the tiny waist and gazed into Shinya's happy face. "You mean
that you like old stupid Die, don't you?" Toshiya guessed with a wink.

Shinya flushed and hid his face in Toshiya's chest. "Don't make it
harder on me," Shinya mumbled in a muffled, ashamed voice. "I can't
believe I've fallen for him!" he exclaimed, looking up again. "He's
such a jerk, getting on people's case like that, always having a mean
reply, never leaving them alone!"

Toshiya chuckled. "You mean he's on your case," he said teasingly.

Shinya was about to start renting on about Die's meanness but he shut
up. "Then…maybe that makes me a bit…more…special to him?" Shinya said
slowly. "Since he's just bugging me and now one else..."

Toshiya tousled the reddish, silky strands. "Maybe... It could be
that. Admit you don't hate him that much when he teases you then…"

Shinya started to reply but saw Toshiya's face freeze over. He let
Toshiya pull him closer, confused.

"You guys are better get ready, we're leaving," a familiar voice
warned them. Alarms bells rang into Shinya's mind as he turned
around, leaning in Toshiya's embrace, the image of Die looking at
them weirdly jumping in his eyes. Die left without even meeting his
eyes.

"Dammit!" Shinya exclaimed, pulling out. "What is he going to think
now!"

"Nothing."

"What?!"

"Don't you think he'd be even more surprised if he saw…this?" Toshiya
said mysteriously, aiming at Shinya's lips for a quick kiss.

"What the..!" Shinya exclaimed angrily, pulling back. Then he catched
on. "You don't mean…" he started, his eyes wide.

Toshiya nodded, smiling excitedly. "Let's give them a taste of their
own medicine!" he exclaimed.

Shinya smiled. "Then how about if you come join me behind my drum set
at the end of the show?" he offered, raising his head to kiss
Toshiya's lips thoughtfully. Toshiya started forcing his tongue into
Shinya's mouth and laughed when he pulled away fiercely, crossing his
arms on his chest.

"Don't worry, we don't have to go this far," Toshiya reassured
him, "I was just teasing."

"You damn better were," Shinya said, not having forgiven him yet.
Toshiya grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the dining room.

"Let's hurry up okay! Don't want to make Die upset do we?"

"Jerk."



End part 1

**


~to be continued~

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