Don't Know
by Jara
Part 1
Another band rehearsal and meeting ended for the members of Dir en Grey. Koaru and Toshiya had promised to go shopping with Kyo, so they had left as soon as Yoshiki had let them. Only Die, Shinya and Yoshiki and remained in the studio.
Die stared as Shinya and Yoshiki talked. Well more like Yoshiki talked and Shinya hung on his every word. Smiling sweetly and laughing whenever the producer said something funny. Agreeing with his every word, so very unlike Shinya.
Die fumed. /Fool doesn’t he know that Yoshiki wont take him seriously. /
When Yoshiki finally left, Die only grunted a response to his goodbye.
Shinya went to pack his gear while Die stared at him morosely. Feeling someone's harsh stare upon him from somewhere, Shinya lifted his head, “Is there something wrong Die?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Me? What do you mean by that?”
"Do you realize that you can’t keep making a fool of yourself over Yoshiki. He doesn’t want you. He has hide’s memory to keep him warm at night and doesn’t need you in his bed."
Hearing the brutal words, the young drummer gasped then stammered, “ You don’t know what you are talking about!”
“Oh yes I do. Yoshiki won’t ever love you. Someone else already has his heart. You will never have his love.”
Stalking over to the guitarist, he exploded, “You don’t know what love is? You don’t know anything!” the petite drummer swung his arm with all his might and slapped Die across the face.
Silence.
Only the slap seemed to ring in the air as the two stared in shock at each other.
Bringing his fingers to his lips, Die saw the blood on them. An intense fury flared in his eyes.
Seeing the anger in Die’s eyes, Shinya became afraid. He turned to flee, but was held back roughly by two strong arms.
Die shook Shinya with all his might. “Me? I don’t know?”
Pulling Shinya’s back harshly against his own chest, Die hissed angrily, “You may be right, but let me tell you what I do know.”
“I know that seeing you in these little skirts of yours turns me on.”
His grip tightened, reducing Shinya's cold expression into one of pain. He smiled, not sadistically, but sadness flickered in his eyes again and he held him even tighter.
“Please Die you’re hurting me.” Shinya whined.
“Hurt? I also know what hurt is. I feel hurt every time I see you fawning over Yoshiki. I hurt every time I see you give him one of your rare smiles. Wishing it was me you were smiling for. ”
“Die, I don’t think…” Shinya didn’t finish, because Die cut him off.
“Think? I know I can’t stop thinking about you, day or night.” lowering his voice, he continued, “especially at night.”
Letting his anger override his common sense, he did something he wouldn’t have done if he were thinking properly. Slowly, he lowered his hand down Shinya’s stomach, down to the sleek thigh, and then raised it up under the skirt. A slip of thin material hindered his progression. He hesitated for a second before he ripped it out of the way.
Hearing the material tear apart, Shinya gasped in shock. He tried to struggle but Die held on to him. The pretty drummer soon stopped when he felt Die touch him.
Feeling the strong hand on him, Shinya arched his body, somewhat in denial, but as the hand continued to caress him, he let himself fall back submissively against Die’s chest.
“I hurt every time I wake up from a dream. The same dream I have of you every night. There is a white room, completely white, with no windows.”
Kissing the lovely neck, Die continued dreamily, “At the center of the room is a bed with a canopy. You and I are in the middle of the bed. Pretty much the way we are now, with your back to me, but kneeling. Our bodies were wet with perspiration. Your pretty red hair was matted to your face.”
Slowly undoing Shinya’s blouse, Die slipped his hand inside to rake his black nails in circles against the smooth white skin. “My fingers were circling your stomach like this.”
“My other hand was doing this.” He slowly caressed Shinya’s member again and again.
Shinya didn’t want to moan out loud, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“Please Die….”
“Funny,” He smiled, pausing his ministrations for a second, “you said that in my dream over and over every time I squeezed you like this.” He squeezed Shinya, raking a nail over the tip.
“Ahhhh Die, Please Die….”
Shinya bit back a moan as Die gently dragged his nail over the tip again.
“Say it again Shinya.” Die ordered.
“Please Die…” Shinya halfheartedly attempted to break free “stop this.”
“Again Shinya. I want to hear you say it again.”
“No!” Breathing heavily Shinya begged “you, can’t do this. You, you have to stop.”
“Do you really want me to stop?” Lowering his other hand, Die used both hands to torture Shinya sweetly.
Sensation after sensation assaulted Shinya’s body, he had never felt so alive and out of control before. He didn’t like the idea that Die could control his body so easily. He wanted it to stop. He wanted it to continue. He couldn’t decide. His mind was at war with his body.
"Please Die…." His voice trailed away, as he bit back his next plea. He did not want Die to stop.
Harshly, he whispered into Shinya’s ear, “Again, Shinya, keep saying until I tell you to stop.”
“Die. Die.Die.Die.!” Shinya kept chanting Die’s name with each caress Die gave him.
Shinya needed to balance himself, but the wall was too far away and he didn’t want Die to stop touching him, so he dug his red nails into Die’s thigh. Die winced when he felt the long nails on his thighs, but he enjoyed the sweet pain.
It wasn’t long before Shinya climaxed.
Die let go of Shinya, letting him slump to the floor. Shinya knelt there panting and confused. /Why did I let Die touch me like that? Why did I respond? I don’t feel about him that way. I don’t! /
Walking around Shinya, Die knelt before him. He took the redhead’s chin in his hand and lifted up his face. “I don’t know if what I feel for you is love Shinya, but I have felt like since I first met you and it’s not going away. ” Lowering his lips so that they were hovering above Shinya's, he whispered, "And that is what I do know.”
Having expected a kiss, Shinya was surprised when Die said those words. Even more surprised when Die got up and went out the door without looking back at him.
Shinya stared at the door longingly, whispering…
"Die."
***
to be continued..
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