Ask The Bear
the deepest bear in the world Dear Bear, Dear Bear, Dear Bear,hi bear! really love what youre doing! do you have any words of advise for other soft toys thinking about taking the plunge? Dear Bear, Dear Bear, hello there how ya doin? my problem is my paws. They are too small for all the decent fins and I'm getting to the point where my kiddie fins are no longer enough. What can I do?
Dear Bear,
Hello dear bear, Dear bear, Hi Bear,
Click here to tell me your worries
Hello there and welcome to my problem page, please feel free to contact me with any of your freediving problems and I will give you the answer. As the deepest breath holding bear on the planet I should be able to deal with most of your questions, of course if you have other problems in your life then you can try me with those too but the results may not be as reliable... looking forward to hearing from you.
My lover is worried about me freediving. He says it is dangerous and stupid and thinks I should take up golf instead. What should I do?
Stressed Out of Streatham
Dear Stressed Out of Streatham,
well as I see it you have two options, ditch him for someone more interesting (send me a private mail if you fancy a date) or if you need him for financial/flatshare/he's-got-a-car type reasons then you can keep him by pointing out that it can't be dangerous if even a bear can do it. Then of course you will have to keep yourself safe to make sure he doesn't get to say "I told you so". So.. always dive with a good buddy, and well.... bears are bit too ego centric to make good buddies so maybe a human would be better! Hope that helps.
My freediving friends all keep telling me what to eat and what not to eat. This annoys me as I like my food and also my freediving. They reckon cheese is the devil when it comes to diving and I should give up ice cream. What do you reckon?
Fatboy of Foreign Lands
Dear Fatboy,
This is a very tasty subject and one my buddies and I often chew the fat over. Why do you want to eat cheese anyway? it stinks. And ice cream is surely for fun not for eating (but it makes my fur sticky). As for the Deepest Diet in the World.... I was going to keep that to myself but I suppose most people know the secret of the more-than-average bear. Dump the cheese and try some honey on your toast (but no butter).
Yum Yum X
Dogger at rolysfish
Dear Dogger,
I'm always keen to encourage others of our species to have a go. My main advice to you would be to make sure that there is always a good radiator or stove for you to sit on after your dives so you don't remain soggy for too long. If you do find that the dampness becomes a problem, I find that aftershave makes you more palatable and gets rid of that musty chloriney smell, in fact if anyone from Issey Miyake is reading I would love sponsorship. Do let me know how you get on
Bear X
I would sometimes fall asleep while breathing up and would get the odd fin slap to the head from my buddy telling me it's time to go. Any suggestions on how to stay awake, or at least not snoring so loudly?Sleepy
Dear Sleepy,
As you may have read, yawning (and roaring) is an important part of my breath up so I am familiar with your problem. I usually train after a heavy meal which also adds to the general doziness. my solution is to wear my nose clip throughout my breath up which makes it hard to snore. Beyond that just make sure your buddy is aware of the technique and can push your mouth shut and turn you over when it looks like you are ready to begin your static even if you are asleep. Hope this works for you.
Bear z z z z z z z z z
Diddyfeet
Dear Diddyfeet,
I'm doin just fine thanks for asking, the jet lag from hawaii is nearly gone but luckily it's nearly hibernation time so I still have an excuse to sleep the day away.
With regard to your problem, it's unclear from your message whether you are of the human or bear variety. If it's the latter I suggest you ask your Personal Assistant to fetch a needle and thread and some stuffing and increase the size of those paws. It doesn't hurt if you hold your breath until you black out first.
If you're a human this is a bit too much of a major operation so I suggest you do what my own PA did and get yourself a Monofin (I prefer to call them Monoflippers but that hasn't caught on internationally yet). They are available even for the diddiest of feet. I have recently changed to a monofin myself and have it cable tied to my paws which works well.
Or you could try eating more, sometimes that makes your feet grow.
Good Luck. Bear X
I just started freediving and am loving it! Problem is, I also love coffee, and can't seem to do static more than 2 minutes because I can't relax. When I switch to decaf I can't tell the difference between caffeine withdrawal jitters and a samba.
Latte Lad
Dear Latte Lad,
Thanks for your note. Now you KNOW caffeine is no good...but in my experience there is a way around this. Personally I don't see any need for it and have a magic brew that I prefer which involves cinammon, spice and all things nice (and a spoonful or two of honey!). It seems to me the main reason people drink coffee is to stay awake. My advice is... cut out the caffeine and if that makes you too sleepy - then JUST HAVE A KIP! Hibernation is strongly recommended at this time of year. As for the difference between samba and caffeine shakes... well try the technique of doing a little triumphant dance/jiggle every time you come up. That way everyone will think you are merely celebrating and not samba-ing!(I believe I am not first with that technique though!!!)
Bedtime now... Bear xx
i want to go to HMS Dolphin in january. Can you help me to reach the bottom?
Greetings Hartmut
Dear Hartmut,
Certainly can. If you let me know which weekend you will be there, I will bring a very heavy weightbelt and we can "No Limits" our way to the bottom together. If that doesn't work I will just sit on the bottom until you come down to get me, after all you can't abandon the Deepest Bear at the bottom of the tank can you?
Deepest Bear Dreaming of Warmest Tank
Today I woke up at 3:30pm with my shoes on and a terrible headache. Is it because Im allergic to leather?
Greetings Harald
Dear Harald,
The leather thing is certainly a possibility. I suggest you try wearing your fins to the bar instead. This way not only do you overcome the possibility of the leather allergy but will make it harder for you to walk to the bar! Let me know if that works. And of course I will be in cyprus with my team.
bear
I am going into training now for a big world record this year and I am going to change my diet. My diet doctor said I can only eat the Bear essentials. What are they???
Deeply Dippy
Dear Dippy,
well I am amazed you have to ask! The essentials for any bear in training - HONEY. Have it in spicy herbal tea (I have my own secret blend). Have it on toast (no butter). Have it on hot bananas. Have it on your girl/boyfriend. That should do it. Oh yes and don't forget lots of fresh fruit and veg too. Honey on Carrots... mmmmm....
Good Luck with the training
DB x
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