I believe (although I am not sure), that Ontario now has a court that deals specifically with violence against women. If this is so, I hope that this may spread to other parts of the country, and other countries. Did you know, at least this is what I have understood: that you may find yourself in a civil courtroom case and the judge presiding your case may have only presided business law cases, and no domestic violence case. Don't quote me on this. But perhaps it would be a good question for me to ask the lawyer.

If this is the case, I hope these specialized courts protecting women's rights (therefore protecting the children's rights) spread quickly, for anyone who has been in an abusive situation knows how quickly, these men squirm out of accepting any kind of blame for what they have done, and instead try finding a way to blame the women and to have the children taken away from the mothers home. Although this is not true for all violent men; as I had seen an article in the newspaper that read "he wanted help, the lawyer wanted to win".

The fact remains; that these men have control and possession issues that remain evident, even after the women have left. And perhaps courts that specialize in women who are victims may help the women and their children live a bright enjoyable future, free from continued physical or psychological abuse.

I believe there is a right to privacy. "Family" privacy. In other words the women have a choice to fight for their right,and to be heard (so people from the outside believe). I guess, they just assume that the women will be able to do this. What they don't seem to understand, is that a woman who has been living an abusive situation has a hard time standing up for herself. That includes making sure that police press charges. Or that courts truly understand the seriousness of what these women are living on a daily basis. All I recommend to women is that they keep a daily journal, so that they can explain all the abuse, bruises included: the abuse is sometimes difficult to explain to a judge, unless you have hospital reports, and police reports (which you don't necessarily have--since you are an abused woman who can't stand up for herself), or are standing in front of him with bruises, even then...

What I've been told is that although judges should be objective, sometimes they are subjective, I guess that can apply to anyone intervening when a women is being abused. To be blunt: if the wife of a pedofile tells her husband that there daughter is being abused by an older boy, his probable reaction could be, 'boys will be boys'. Now how do you think it would turn out if the man, believed that women and especially children were to be put on pedestals? I assume he would strike him down. So the question remains: how do we keep people objective to the situation? By informing them? I'm not sure its enough. Any ideas?

This right to family privacy, also leads the hospitals to not take action for you. In otherwords they will insist, and give you all the reasons in the world why you should call the police, and have a report made. But they won't do it unless you ok it. Too many women believe they're husband will stop, they're still in love, or they fear death--and the police doesn't get called.

But then: if they would make it obligatory for the hospital to call the police, maybe the women wouldn't go to the hospital.

So its a vicious circle.

Women need to learn to love themselves. Even if they haven't received this love as a child.

EXCELLENT points brought out in your message! In Ontario Canada we have a special unit in our hospitals which deals specifically with Victims of Violence; they document all injuries in writing and with photographs; this way if you decide six months (for example) to charge your assailant, 'the evidence is still visible.' We also have a Victims of Violence unit in our local Police detachment(s). They deal specifically with 'victims of violence.' If you dial 911 for the police to come to your home, tell them exactly what happened, whether you were assaulted, threatened, or suffered any other forms of abuse; if it has happened before; that he should be charged with assault; what, if any, weapons were used and whether there are other weapons in the house; if anybody saw or heard the assault. I found out, after I put my ex out for good, that the woman across the hall had heard him on more than one occasion, threaten to kill me. Ask the police to take pictures, to help you leave or take you to a shelter, and to give you their names and badge numbers. As XXX says, keep a journal! Of everything that he does and says 'out of the norm' as they say. It is very important to build what is called "a case history."

If you have to go to court, be sure you have copies of all documentation/photos and the police report, in case the police have not submitted same beforehand. The more 'ammunition' you have, the better for you. Unfortunately, you have to 'convince' the judge that this abuse really happened. This is a very good club to be a part of; keep in touch with it; my website is in my profile, and XXX is extremely helpful in her info as well. Stay strong, and stay safe.

Please remember that the above are opinions of the writers at the spousal abuse club, and have not been verified for completeness or correctness. Any decision to be made for your particular case or situation are to be discussed with a either a family law or criminal law lawyer.