We just have to remember to be strong...

I am a 41 year old spousal abuse/rape survivor. I was with the abuse for 18 years and had 3 children with him and one daughter from a previous relationship, and they were also all abused. I think you finally come to a point where you know in your heart and mind that it is time to get out or DIE. Everyone has theri own "BREAKING POINT" and you will know when that happens. Mine came when coming home form work early one night on the graveyard shift and finding my husband in bed with a 16 year old baby sitter. He beat me because I came home early. The only thing that saved my life that night was a coworker called to make sure I made it home alright because I was so ill. She heard me screaming in the background and HE pulled the phone line out of the wall. She called 911 and sent the sheriff out. I really do believe I would have died that night if she hadn't called the police. That was my "breaking point". I moved out with my kids and never went back. It has ! been 7 years and I am still afraid of him. I have a no contact restraining order and that does seem to help but the nightmares and flashbacks still get me sometimes. I am now married to a wonderful man who does his best to deal with my MOODS and all the excess baggage that goes with an abuse survivor. It does get better with time, it just never goes totally away. We just have to remember to be strong and be there for each other, to comfort, to cry, to advise, to listen and most of all to understand.
~~~ 41, United States, If we stand together and stand strong we can someday defeat the abuse.

I was abused as a child ... thought was "normal" behavior ...

I was abused as a child by my father, he beat me and my mom. It was just something that I always thought was "normal" behavior. I married a man just like my dad at 17. All my friends warned me not to but I was stubborn and wouldn't listen and I lived for 18 years wondering what would make him snap the next time or if I looked ok or if I was one minute too late getting home from work. These were all things that were my fault and would get me beat again. If he would come home and didn't like the way I had my hair combed or what I had the kids dressed in I would get it. There was one time he had a rifle in my mouth and told my oldest daughter to get the bullets. Thank God there weren't any or I would be dead. I left 7 years ago this Christmas Eve after coming home sick form working the night shift as a nursing assistant early to find him in bed with the 16 year old baby sitter. Her parents wouldn't even press cahrges, he moved in with them. He beat me so b! adly I had 3 broken ribs, my teeth were knocked out and i had a broken cheek bone and 2 black eyes. He did 2 days in jail and got time served. I moved out and in with a coworker and he still haunts me and makes threats. I'm still scared to death of him and I don't think I will ever get over that feeling. It gets a little better every day with the suport of my new husband and my kids and prayer. You just have to be strong and keep your faith in God and yourself that you can survive anything because they are the weak ones and "we" are strong enough to beat them at their own weaknesses.
~~~ 41 WI USA

"Something in me wants to believe he will change." ....

As I sit here, my mind drifts back to my youth. The dreams, the hopes that I had for my life were amazing. When I met my husband, I thought he would help me reach those dreams- a beautiful marriage, wonderful children, a dream house. I thought my life would be like one of those romantic movies. The first time he called me a name, I made excuses. The first time he grabbed me, I believed his promises and his apologies. The good times with him always made me forget the bad times. I didn't realize my dreams were never going to come true with this man. I was dying inside, but didn't let myself feel the pain. Now, I am away from him. Three weeks ago, he attacked me while I held our nine month old baby in my arms. He was taken to jail. Yet, here I am, sitting on the fence again. I know that I can never go back, but something in me wants to believe he will change. I know he won't. More than anything we must love ourselves and never allow any man to hurt us physically, emotionally or mentally. We must believe we are valuable, strong women who deserve better. We must protect our children from witnessing violence and from becoming victims or abusers. The hardest part about leaving is giving up hope. Hope has kept me alive for the past six years. The idea that one day I will have my dream kept me hanging on. I realize now I have to create a new dream and a new life for my son and myself- one in which we are valued, respected and really loved.
~~~ 28 USA, We all deserve to be valued, respected and really loved..

Tell us your story, or make recommendations for the women still living violence and abuse. There are many of us who are survivors, and telling our stories may help us come to terms with the changes we must make. And for the women who are still living the physical and mental abuse, and have not yet made their decision to leave, perhaps this site will help you take the necessary steps towards freedom and self respect.

Even though the fear and pain we suffered from anothers's hands is temporarily forgotten, there is a time when there is something that reminds us. One of those times is when I read your stories, the pain comes back, the tears flow, and I remember...

For the women who have sent in their stories, I thank you, for I know how difficult it is.