A Punny Valentine

Lucysmom

PG

Pairings: BF/FV, BF/MT. BF/RT

Disclaimer: . Don't own them. Alliance does.

This is chat's fault.

Cluey things: The person who wrote Fic#; likes animals; not a typical pairing; birthday in April.

Benton Fraser was in a quandary . He could not think of an appropriate Valentine's present for his lover. There was a lovely set of antique blue Benwa balls in a charming silk box in the discreet sexual aid shop he had found. But maybe something more traditional, like flowers or candy, chocolate. Bon Bons, perhaps. He imagined popping BonBons into that luscious mouth while playing with the balls stuffed in that other oriface. As he wandered into the Consulate kitchen, whom should he spy, but said lover, Renfield Turnbull. He looked charming in a red lace pinafore. His adorable brow was furrowed as he pored over a book. He looked up when Ben made his presence known by kissing the back of his neck. He said: " Oh Ben, I can't decide. Inspector Thatcher wants to have a Valentine's Day party. I got out my copy of Cooking the Canadian Way. Some recipes have to be eliminated right away, like Stuffed Otter. I just wouldn't trust the domestic otter. But we must have Musk Ox Balls.,my Great Aunt Eugenia made the best...Oh, Ben what balls. They melted in your mouth."

Poor Ben, he tried not to splutter and finally his Mountie reserve allowed him to say. "They sound delicious, Ren.', but all he could see in his mind were those blue benwa balls.

Renfield informed him that Inspector Thatcher wanted to see him concerning the party plans. Ben reluctantly left the kitchen after giving his lover an affectionate peck on the cheek.. He found Thatcher in her office perusing brochures. After he .asked permission to enter, Ben stood at parade rest in front of her desk. Thatcher looked up, her eyes were shimmering. She explained to Fraser that she wanted to hold a Valentine's party. She waved a brochure under his nose. " I want to use an up-and-coming party planner. He's new to the area and he's Chinese. Ben Wha's Balls are the talk of Chicago and I want to give one."

Was it a conspiracy? Poor Ben. Luckily Thatcher was so engrossed in her party planning, she didn't notice Fraser turning bright red. He managed to stammer, "That should be quite exciting. I will leave everything in Turnbull's and your capable hands. I really must meet Ray."

Ben entered the squad room, Frannie pulled him into the supply closet. She thrust her lush body into Ben's. She looked into Ben's eyes as she ravaged him with her hands. "Oh, Ben what balls you have.", she said as she gave Fraser's testicles a squeeze. Ben squirmed out of her clutches exited the room and made his way quickly to Ray's desk.. Ray was munching on a donut He nodded at Fraser and continued to read the report on his desk. After Fraser sat down, Ray handed him the report. He said :"Take a look at this. I know I'm missing something. Maybe you can figure out what it is."

Fraser read the report of a fight at a pool hall. One Donnie Farina had been attacked and hit over the head repeatedly with some object. Fraser reread the report. Finally he said: "Where is the ball?. There is no mention of the ball."

Still munching on His donut, Ray asked: Ben wha ball?' Ben looked at Ray. Et tu Ray , he thought.. Ben sighed and said: "The cue ball. All the other balls are accounted for, but the cue ball is not mentioned. I trust it is the weapon."

Ray slapped the side of his head: Of course, how could I miss that." He groaned As Ray and Fraser were on their way out of the building, they met Huey and Dewey on their way in.. Huey said: I got a good one for you. Knock. Knock."

Fraser reluctantly said: "Who"s there?'

Huey answered Ben wha'

Fraser very reluctantly said: "Ben wha who?"

Huey, laughing hysterically replied "Ben wha balls are a pain in the ass.. Groans arose. Ben quickly strode away. He had decided. It was inevitable. He would get Ren the antique Benwa Balls for his present. After all the embarrassment and indecision, at least he would have a great time giving Ren his present in the end.

The End

Happy Valentine's Day!