1. No need to "win." Uses strategies that best fit.
2. Experiences people in terms of cooperation.
3. Sees employees and colleagues as equals, and management as existing to meet the needs of front line workers.
   

4. Puts value on the wisdom of employees and colleagues. Delegates, lets staff take credit for their successes as well as make their own mistakes.
5. Demonstrates capacity to transcend racism, sexism, classism, ageism, or any other isms. Defines self in terms of a shared humanity.
6. Not afraid to show feelings; willing to ask for as well as give space for conveying disappointments and resentments. Checks out fantasies.
7. Tells others straight what's going on inside him/her, the impact ofanother's behavior on him/her, and talks to them, not at them, nor about them.
8. Respects character - deals only with issues and behavior.
9. Doesn't use words as weapons; praises efforts, evaluates "character."
10. Listens - able to identify feelings behind words.
11. Sets limits in advance on behavior and and enforces them with flexibility and and fairness. Renegotiates jointly as needed.
12. Allows others to speak for themselves.
13. Looks for each person's positive and loving intentions. Sets up a win-win position via a spirit of teamwork.
14. .Looks for what's right in people and their work. Offers, receives, refuses, and asks for strokes. Strokes him/herself. Inspires others; delights in him/herself and in others.
15. Confronts situations directly as they arise. Asks for what he/she wants. Tells others when he/she doesn't want to answer a question. Instills trust by example.

Illusion of Power

1. Needs to "win." Sees things in terms of black and white
2. Power-hungry. Sees People as competition
3. Depends on roles; demands respect because of "who I am." Employees and colleagues are not viewed as equals. Encourages fawning and cliques.
4. Makes no substantive provisions for the wisdom of employees and colleagues.
5. Nonthinking position; operates on the basis of prejudice, tradition, and bias. Definesidentity by race, religion nationality, sex, position, various preferences, stereotypes and righteousness.
6. No admission of "humanness"; won't show feelings - sadness, tears, hurts - only anger or withdrawal.
7. Takes aggressive-sadistic no-win stances: Does not acknowledge feeling angry, but pursues getting even.
8. Wins by character assassination: "dumb," "dingbat," "stupid," "stubborn," "bad attitude," "weird," "odd,""lightweight," "incompetent," "uncooperative."
9. Engages in value judgments with personality; good, bad, kind, generous, honest, dishonest - hence, setting up levels of expectation for employees and colleagues to live up to.
10. Won't listen - hears only words, never feelings.
11. Deals punitively (win-lose). Changes the rules arbitrarily. Won't admit mistakes.
12. Speaks for the employee or colleagues: "We don't do that Mr. Snodgrass; do we?"
13. Makes himself right by making excuses. Won't take responsibility for his/her impact on others.
14. Invests energy in looking for what's wrong in a colleagueor his/her work. Overcontrols by nitpicking instead of delegating. Counts beans - Squashes excellence.
15. Discounts people by outright lying, telling half-truths, talking around an issue, giving only part of the data, lying by omission; keeping secrets; ignoring or keeping them waiting; "forgetting"; not keeping agreements, rescuing;