Making The World Go 'Round

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Making the World Go 'Round

[Assistant Director Skinner's office. Present in the room are A.D. Skinner and The Guys. There is a knock at the door and...]

Secretary: "Sir, agent Scully will be here to see you shortly."

Skinner: "Good, send her in as soon as she arrives please."

Secretary: "Yes sir."

Skinner: "Thank you, Aileen."

[She steps out into the outer office and closes the door]

The Fat Man: "Your secretary is rather attractive, isn't she?"

The Well Manicured Man: "Yes...yes she is...I wonder if she has plans this evening...?"

Skinner: "Knock it off!"

The Grey Haired Man: "Touched a nerve there, did we?"

The Cancer Man: "I've noticed how devoted she is to you, Mr Skinner."

Skinner: "Now look- "

Deep Throat: "And the way you two gaze at one another!"

Skinner: "I do not *gaze* at my secretary!"

Deep Throat: "She'd make somebody a very good wife, I suspect."

X: "She could use a little sun though - maybe you should let her out more, Mr Skinner..."

Skinner: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

The Grey Haired Man: "It's just that sometimes we have to wonder about what happens when you two aren't here at the office."

Skinner: "Just what the hell are you implying?!"

The Cancer Man: "You two make a cute couple."

The Fat Man: "Perhaps you could go on a double-date with Scully and Shturmie sometime..."

The Well Manicured Man: "Of course, if you're not interested in her, there's always Krychek -

Krychek: "HEY! What- "

The Well manicured Man: "...and I'm sure your lovely secretary would enjoy spending some time with somebody as mature and sophisticated as myself..."

[Just then there is another knock and the secretary shows Scully into the room.]

Scully: "You asked to see me- what are these guys doing here?!"

Skinner: "Agent Scully, I have something very important to ask you."

Scully: "Well, I'm not saying anything in front of these guys!"

The Cancer Man: "Agent Scully, you would be wise to listen to what we have to say before you make up your mind..."

Deep Throat: "Yes, your cooperation could prove to be in the best interest of us all."

Scully: "In *your* best interests, you mean- "

The Fat Man: "There she goes again! I told you guys she wouldn't listen- "

Krychek: "No way - I bet you $50, remember?! You *owe* me!"

X: "Shuttup Rat Boy! We ain't paying you nothin'!"

The Grey Haired Man: "You didn't seriously expect us to honor a bet with *you*, surely?!"

Krychek: "But- "

Scully: "Sir, may I go now?!"

Skinner: "Wait a second Scully - will you guys shut UP?!"

The Fat Man: "There's no need to be like that!"

The Cancer Man: "Yeah! Don't talk to us like that! Walt...!"

[The Guys all snicker. A.D. Skinner turns beet-red.]

Skinner: "Is that supposed to be funny?! Do you find my name funny? At least I *have* a name - C.G.B...!"

[The Cancer Man shoots him a filthy look.]

The Cancer Man: "Well, at least I have hair- "

Scully: "See ya..."

[Scully heads for the door.]

Deep Throat: "Agent Scully, please, I apologise for these two idiots. You know how it is when you place two powerful men in the same vicinity...?"

Scully: "So what the hell do you want!?"

X: "We're wondering whether you've heard any rumors, agent Scully?"

Scully: "Rumors?"

The Grey Haired Man: "The ones involving your partner..."

Scully: "Shturmie?! What's wrong with him?! What have- "

The Cancer Man: "Relax, agent Scully. We're referring to your FBI partner."

Scully: "Who? Oh, you mean That Guy?"

Deep Throat: "Yes, agent Scully. That Guy."

Scully: "There hasn't been a moment during the last seven years when I *haven't* heard rumors about him!"

Krychek: "Or the stupid X-Files!"

The Fat Man: "They're not stupid! You're stupid! The X-Files rule! You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

X: "Yeah! Shuttup idiot, or I'll take you outside and convert you to a soprano!"

The Well Manicured Man: "Too late...!"

[Everybody laughs, including Scully and Skinner. Krychek sulks.]

Krychek: "No. Shut up."

The Cancer Man: "Agent Scully, what do you know of certain plans involving your partner? I mean That Guy."

Scully: "None, and I don't give a damn, either!"

The Fat Man: "But agent Scully, surely you must have heard these rumors?!"

[Scully stifles a yawn.]

Scully: "Sir, I have a lot of work to get through today - may I- ?"

Deep Throat: "Rumors about replacing your partner- "

The Grey Haired Man: "...With somebody who may have been more flexible in the past."

The Cancer Man: "A man who might once have been a shining example but who ended up in hot water..."

X: "Or something like that."

Scully: "You guys are full of s**t! I'm outta here!"

Skinner: "Agent Scully, I'd advise you to answer these questions!"

The Well Manicured Man: "Surely this talk must interest you, Dana?!"

Scully: "Please don't call me that. Only Shturmie and the rest of my family get to call me that."

The Well Manicured Man: "Oh. I'm sorry- "

Krychek: "Don't you care about That Guy? What if he just up and disappeared one day- "

X: "SHUTTUP!"

[The Guys all glare at Krychek. Scully and Skinner look at each other.]

The Fat Man: "Wouldn't you prefer a better partner, agent Scully?"

Scully: "Naturally, but- "

The Cancer Man: "Then you'd be happy if- "

Scully: "Look, all you guys - all *anybody* - ever says about this subject always turns out to be crap. I'll believe it when I see it. I suggest you do the same."

[She turns and addresses Skinner.]

Scully: "Will that be all sir?"

[He glances at The Guys. The Well manicured Man nods.]

Skinner: "Yes agent Scully, that'll be all. Thank you."

[She glares at The Guys as she leaves.]

The Fat Man: "Now that she's gone, we can discuss this new partner issue."

Skinner: "So you *are* planning to replace That Guy?"

The Well manicured Man: "Not exactly."

Skinner: "Well, are you or aren't you?!"

The Grey Haired Man: "The X-Files could use some fresh blood. Just to liven things up a little."

Skinner: "So what is the truth?! Can you tell me?!"

Deep Throat: "Yes - and the truth is something you would never have believed- "

X: "...would never have predicted!"

Skinner: "So who is it?! I've been going crazy trying to guess!"

The Cancer Man: "It's- "

[But...]

Secretary: "I'm sorry to bother you sir, but I'm not feeling well. I wonder if I might take the rest of the day off?"

Skinner: "I'm terribly sorry to hear that Aileen...can I give you a ride home?"

[The Guys all look at each other slyly.]

Secretary: "Oh, no sir, that's not necessary..."

Skinner: "It's no bother! I insist!"

The Well Manicured Man: "How gallant..."

[The Guys look at each other and try not to giggle. Skinner glares at them.]

Skinner: "Collect your things, I'll walk you to my car."

[He leaves the room with Aileen. The Guys follow them out into the corridor. As they head towards the elevator...]

The Guys: "Walts' got a girlfriend! Walt's got a girlfriend! Walt and Aileen up a tree...!"

1999

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